Saturday, December 29, 2012 at 3:07PM I went home a while for Christmas. Just returned. I decided to combine Christmas and New Years into a week break without playing poker. I haven't missed the game at all. The last week I played was pretty decent, up about $1600 in 36 hours.
Getting ready to fight hard in January.
-bag
Wednesday, December 19, 2012 at 12:16AM Not sure if you have been reading any of my previous posts hopefully not. But a follow up from the last post, I didn't play Saturday. The girl ended up visiting and not flaking out. Things went well, but I probably wouldn't hang out with her again. Just wasn't really into her all that much; a little needy.
The last two sessions I booked small wins. I'm pulling back to around break even on the month.
Two of my favorite quotes that are relevant to my situation at the moment:
1) "If you're going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill
2) "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Einstein
In attempt to mix things up I'm planning to leave town tomorrow and play an earlier shift on Wednesday. If it works well I'll repeat Thursday. If that works I'll repeat Friday.
I'm for sure not passionate about about poker at the moment. I'm not sure how to go about getting it back. Maybe it can't be forced, maybe it will never even come back. However, I know the only way to dig out of my rut (on paper at least) is to put in mistake free volume. YES VOLUME, the only real counter to variance. I need to be close to 150 hours per month. If my volume isn't on point I shouldn't even expect reasonable results.
Also, I particularly hate Borgata's poker scene more than poker. Actually, pretty much all of my problems with poker is the Borgata at this time. I hate the 2/5 environment there. I hate how the top regulars (average players at best) seem to win and run far better than they ever should on a weekly basis, it annoys me to no end no matter how hard I try to get it out of my mind. I hate how people constantly go out of their way to talk to me that I clearly have nothing to say too on or off the table. I hate the majority of the regulars, they truly define what it means to be a waste of human life. I hate the middle-aged break even mega-nit crowd that infest the tables to pay for their buffets or whatever the fuck they're honestly hoping to accomplish. I hate the wanna-be pros that infest the tables, terrified of putting a dollar into the pot. Seriously get a life. I hate how the games there are now to a point of almost not playing (outside of weekends and tournaments).
And what's the solution?
Play there as little as possible. Don't do the same fucking thing.
This means traveling a good amount to where the games are better. It also means keeping future goals in mind. This is not what I want to do with my life. This is temporary. I would almost return to corporate rather than grind joke ass mid-stakes at Borgata.
-bag
Saturday, December 15, 2012 at 4:03AM Is the Worst Day of My Life.
Yes every day is the worst day of my life.
Poker updates, who the fuck cares. Really I'm incapable of typing anything worthy or meaningful about poker right now. So moving on...
I decided to invite a girl I'm interested in to come visit for the weekend. I mean why the fuck not right? What else am I doing better on Saturday? Averaging like $35 per hour? An average that never actually happens anymore. I'd probably be broke at this rate in about a year, or just sustaining enough to live not really building shit, or rage out and do something really stupid. So when all else fails, might as well enjoy the perks of being a live poker player. Call the girl, set up the rooms, go out, have fun, act like you have a real life for once. Then maybe get some confidence and motivation and pick up the grind next week (yeah right).
But every day is the worst day of my life.
So I already know what is going to happen Saturday.
The girl is 100% going to flake out.
Then I'm going to be like "ok all good, great I'm just going to grind Saturday and Sunday."
But in actuality I'm going to be so pissed off that I'll start tilting on top of being permanently live doom-switched (for over 2 months straight out of no where), hemorrhaging a stop loss minimum Saturday night. Why will I be pissed off? Because now I'm actually looking forward to taking off. And I don't have a back-up plan because I didn't consider a being flaked out on insurance (which you need to have when every day is the worst of your life). Anyways, can't wait. Cheers to another fucked month.
-bag
Thursday, December 13, 2012 at 9:42PM Feels great?
I’ve been losing at a disturbing rate even on 2/5. Part of the problem is I haven’t even logged 100 hours since I’ve been home.
Right now I’m down close to 2k in the past 9 hours, that has to be somewhat of a record for me at these stakes. I’m not broke because I stop loss myself at 1k when playing 2/5. I don’t ever remember bs like this going down. Oh wait, in China for 6 weeks straight? Oh yeah… Never-mind this shit happens a lot. I guess what I meant is it hasn’t happened in a while specifically on mid-stakes.
Last night I got all in 3-way on the flop with a top set and lost a $1500 pot. Tonight I took another -$1100 pot suck-out getting two outered.
And outside of the big pots I lose and never get back, the games have just not been good enough in general (except maybe the weekends). I thought financially 2/5 would be less stressful, but it’s actually been just as stressful for me. It’s normally not going to be as big as losses, but when you take big losses and run super-bad it feels almost impossible to get back (aka right now). Also the games are shallower, so 100BB stacks can get swingy. And when you can’t win with 90% equity I guess all of your win-rate comes from bluffing. So you don’t mind non-showdowns, but mid-stakes has so many show-downs; it’s volatile. So yah life just sucks in every way possible for me right now.
I’m not sure what to say really, I hate poker right now that’s for sure. I’m also not sure how long I can take feeling like this in the long run. I just don’t like not being able to control when I feel like shit, when the next doom-switch is going to come. And here I am over 2 years as a pro, taking a 2 BI downswing on mid-stakes and walking out of the casino enraged, nearly punching a wall.
Maybe my run as a pro is coming to an end. I went to China and lost in some of the softest high stakes games in the world. Now I come back home and can’t win a 2/5 session, can’t go a fucking bull-shit mid-stakes session without hitting a 1k stop-loss against 0 threat players. I’m also not logging enough hours and don’t feel the burn too. I need to either find a way to get my shit together or start transitioning out. I said I’d give it 3 years, but things are looking quite bad.
-bag
Wednesday, December 12, 2012 at 3:52PM Not much to report here. I played just over 30 hours last week and won just over $700. Back to the 2/5 grind!
I'm going to resume play tonight (Wednesday). I have been pretty unmotivated as of late. My energy levels have been crazy low which hasn't helped. I'm hoping to get around 30 hours Wed-Sun.
-bag
