Update and One Year as a Pro (9/30/2011)

It’s been a while! 

Starting with the Borgata main event, I busted out midway through day 2 (no cash).  I went into the tournament thinking of it as an experience.  I was happy that I gave myself the opportunity to take a shot, even if it’s only once per year.  It was a disappointing finish, but yeah it’s just a tournament…

As for September, it was by far my worst monthly net result as a pro.  I think the downswing peaked out around 14 buy-ins.  The previous worst downswing I had was I don’t know maybe 6.  I didn’t think past 8 was really possible playing live poker, but I proved that wrong.  It’s tough to explain how it’s possible unless you go through it.  I had a stretch where I actually lost 17 out of 20 sessions (broken into 3-5 hours each).  My previous career worst was maybe 8 out of 10 losing sessions.  That was a 90 hour stretch where I basically couldn’t win a session.  Maybe something like 2 of the buy-ins were from playing sub-optimally, but most of it was running impossibly bad.  I mean shit like getting a stack in with a middle set and the dry flush draw gets there and holds up every time.  There were just countless situations where I got an entire stack in with the best of it and failed to hold up.

Things have finally seemed to stabilize during the last 10 days.  I’ve won around +2k during the last 55 hours, and won 11 out my past 15 sessions (broken into 3-5 hours each).  As always there were some massive suck-outs during that stretch as well, which prevented me from having a break-out session.  I wonder what a single week would be like if I didn’t lose a pot when I got my stack all in with the best of it and 70%+ equity?  What if I just won all three situations or some crazy bull-shit?  I wonder how that feels.  I think it’s becoming easier for me since I’ve never actually experienced a run good, I just never really expect it.  The “poker” I know is comparable to that miserable cheating bitch of a girl-friend who always lets me down in the worst possible way.  

I feel like the down-swing for the most part is over.  It still has lingering psychological effects that are not completely banished.  I have a shorter fuse.  A few nights ago I was up over $700.  In the span of an hour I proceeded to give back +$500 on total bull-shit.  I played everything correctly, it was a natural fluctuation.  But the point is it bothered me more than it would have before the down-swing. 

I have to keep in mind that I can’t get all of September’s losses back in the span a week.  I don’t run like that, and I probably never will.  Math is not on my side, it’s just almost never going to happen.  I may never have another swing that bad playing live.  If I played 5 years it might only happen once.  So as always it’s just focusing on everything one session at a time.  I have to refuse to be rattled by anything on the tables no matter what happens.  My bankroll is comfortable at “X”, it was at “Y” before, but I don’t need it at Y to be fine.  It’s at “X” now, and Y never existed as far as I’m concerned.  If I 100% get past the downswing as a stronger player and person it will be an accomplishment.  Most live pros will never run this bad, so I’ve already experienced rock bottom in a way.

In other news I recently re-signed to live another year out here.  So I’ll at least be here for another full year.  I’ve survived a year as a pro and that’s saying something.  Not only did I survive, I have several things to be proud of:

1)  I moved up to 2/5 and established myself as a regular.

2)  I paid all of my expenses from money I earned playing.

3)  I built my bankroll to well over 60 buy-ins for 2/5.

4)  I was financially stable enough to take a shot in the Borgata main event.  This was the biggest buy-in tournament I’ve ever played.

5)  I survived despite the Black Friday disaster.

6)  9 out of 12 months have been winning months as a pro (nice percentage).  2 were close to break even, but I got pounded during September 2011.

7)  I’ve managed to keep a healthy social life outside of poker.  I moved to a new state where I knew no one and now have an awesome circle of roommates and friends in NJ.

8)  In comparison to my corporate life, I’m generally happier and have more freedom.

9)  I’ve improved as a player.

10)  I work hard to improve weekly.

I have a long road ahead, but it’s worth the fight.  Hopefully my journey as a professional poker player is just beginning.

-bag

Borgata Main Event Update (9/19/2011)

The biggest buy-in tournament I’ve played in my life hasn’t gone great so far.  I did survive day 1, but my stack is rather crippled.  Going into day 2 I have 11k approaching level 9, which will be 300/600 with an ante of 75.

I have about 18BB’s to work with.  It’s not exactly the end of the world yet, but I’m certainly not in an ideal situation.

My strategy going into day 2 will just be to remain focused and try to get into a +EV situation.  With live tournaments you have a lot more fold equity than you should down to 12-14BBs.  There is so much dead money in the pot and people will not call properly.  It’s not the end of days yet, but I need to focus on a light re-shove spot at this point.  This is going to be hard because it will be a new table for day 2.  I also plan to steal whenever possible with opens from middle to late position with any sort of blocker or reads or the remaining players.  Hopefully I can pick up a hand with decent equity during the next hour of play.

The tournament has been a good experience either way.  I was happy with my play.  I will say I happened to draw a brutal table for day 1.  You sure you guys randomly selected these tables?  If I knew that would have been my table I probably wouldn’t have entered.  There were at least 7 competent players on the table.  Even at the middle stages 3-bet and sometimes 4-bet dynamics were going on.  The average age on the table was probably 28, brought down by one 90 year old.  Some notes from my table (taken during the day):

Seat 1-  Young aggressive player.  Most likely internet experience.  Turned out to be pretty spewed in spots though.  He busted during the last hour of day 1 when he got his stack in pre with ATo.  Clear mistake.

-  3bet me 2.5x to 1k I position level 4.  I click it back to 2700 with KK he folds.  I’m willing to get this in with him, his 3bets are light.  Maybe I should have flatted there?  No let him level himself and do something stupid.

-  Squeezed into me pre OOP vs 6’s open and my flat, let him have it. 

-  Level 5 100/200 ante, PFR EP open A2s out of nowhere.  He can get wide on his EP opens.

Seat 2-  Younger mid to low 20’s guy.  I’m pinning him as a one shot nit.  Completely unimaginative player throughout the day.

-  3x iso sizing level 1, very small, could indicate weakness

-  Turned another set and did not nearly get enough money into the pot.  He must hit sets a lot!

-  550 into 850 cbet vs competent seat 9.  I don’t think a cbet this big makes sense against a competent player.  He’s probably just cbetting bigger when it’s value (and it’s probably only value with him).  I’m assuming he can’t bluff until he proves otherwise.  I’m not even sure he can cbet on a decent board.

Seat 3-  Younger mid-20’s internet player, seems ok but I really hate something about this guy.

-  He lost over 3 quarters of his stack during the first level running into a set of aces, he didn’t show.

-  A complete non-factor the entire day.  I think he has internet experience, but it’s hard to tell.  It’s like he’s not even here.

-  Ended the day with over 20k in chips.  Quite a come-back.  No idea how he came back, but well done dip-shit.

Seat 4-  Middle aged semi-splashy player

-  Already flatting Axs OOP pre vs a nit.  Calls cbet very speculative board.

-  I’m targeting this guy whenever I can

-  Level 1 open limp UTG pre 89s, calls the iso OOP.  Turns the nuts and check raises.

-  Same against my AJ, well done flopping the set and check raising me on the turn.

Seat 5-  Young Internet guy I’m guessing.  Sat down and 3 people that walked by recognized him.

-  Luck boxed the set of aces and just pretty much sat there the entire day

-  3 bet folded level 4

-  3 bet folded again 2.5x OOP

Seat 6-  Super lag-tard Aggressive middle age guy

-  He’s playing like 60/60 level 1

-  Flat level 2 89s in blinds loose flop, calling cbet.

-  Station tendencies post capable of calling 2 barrels with marginal holding incorrectly.

-  Level 3, 3-bet OOP 3x vs 5’s steal, takes it.

-  Flats a nit’s EP open from MP with ATo.

-  This guy is a primary target for the day.

-  Later claimed he was a pro who lives in Vegas.

-  This was the biggest luck-box of the day by far.  Ended with a big stack.  The bane of my existence during the first day, he really made my day hell even though I had position on him.  When my stack became crippled I couldn’t steal because he opened like 2 out of 4 times.  Ever 3-bet I made he called OOP and hit some bull-shit.

Seat 7-  Veteran over 80 years old.  Proudly wears a Nam/Korea hat.  I’m guessing he served in both wars.

-  Open limp folded to my 4x iso

-  Open limp folded EP

-  Targeting whenever possible.  Also try squeezing to get to him when LAG-TARD opens and 7 calls.

-  Seems somewhat splashy.  7 and 4 are the weakest players at this table, but that doesn’t mean they are bad.  Considering this table that’s not an insult.

-   Switched gears to VERY VERY tight.

-   Limp re-raising A6s pre Out of nowhere against nit seat 3’s iso level 7/8.  Nit tanked like a minute and called with KK lmao.  KK held up and 7 lost like 40BBs for no reason.  This was a really interesting play.  He was either sick of being isolated on, or actually set up the play as a bluff.  I think he was just sick of being isolated on.  But if you’re a 90 year old man I think this play is profitable like 95% of the time.  Seat 3 was only going to call there with KK+.  And his image has gotten so tight that it’s hard not giving him KK+ here.  Also he has the blocker to the ace.  Something about this guy…..

Seat 8-  Baglife

Seat 9- young 24 year old.  Solid player with internet experience- 

-  Way to active level 1.  Just floated a 90 year old flop with ace high and back-door flush equity.  Raises the turn and half pot bluffs the river that changed nothing.  I realize he’s making a play thinking the 90 year old will fold a lot, I just think it is way to early to make this play.

-  Great player.  He knows how to bet-size and give him-self options on the river.

-  Low stack most of the day, picked up a few hands and he’s right back in it.

-  I talked to him briefly.  A big winner online.  Also played the main event in Vegas.  Plays pretty much all the main events in the U.S.

-  Even this guy said “thank God” when we talked about drawing a new table tomorrow.

Seat 10-  28 year old with online experience

-  Talked about his online experience during the day, he at least claims he’s a decent winner.

-  Talks way to fucking much.

-  Solid fundamentals, but really just staying out of the way as much as possible

-  Called my “click back” 4-bet in position with ??  I bet 60% flop TJx (double suited) he tank folds.  Guessing QQ+.

So yeah, those were pretty much my exact table notes during the day.  As I said before, horrendous table draw, which was really a shame.  However, I didn’t feel out-classed by any of the players.  I thought if anything I had an advantage, especially deep-stack.

Vanessa Selbst was on the table to my immediate right.  I’ve watched some of her videos online.  I never saw a photo of her, but I had a feeling it was her.  She was wearing a pokerstars patch and seemed competent.  I googled her image and it was her.  At the start of dinner break I introduced myself and talked to her like 40 seconds.  That was really cool.

The hand that absolutely crippled me was against seat 6 during one of the middle- late levels.  So he opens to $500 (I’m guessing it was a 100-200 level).  The old guy flats.  I have KK on the button.  I 3-bet to $1500.  I’m guessing this will fold out seat-6 and I will be able to play a good pot in position with a monster against the 80 year old.  Seat 6 then 4-bets to $5000.  Ok wow.  He has a very laggy image, but he hasn’t 4-bet ONCE the entire day.  Also, this is a massive 4-bet.  The levels are 100/200 with an ante so he has now put in 25BBs pre-flop.  He should have AA here, but there is some chance he could be making a move, especially if he is competent.  There is a chance that he could correctly realize that I’m 3-betting lighter here because seat 7 is involved.  Just to make sure I “click back” a 5-bet to $11,000ish.  I’ve now committed 55 BB’s.  The dude now 6-bet snap shoves all in.  I tanked for like 5 minutes and folded.  I just don’t think he is capable of making this play with anything other than AA. He hadn’t 4-bet once the entire day.  He generally responds to 3-bets by FLATTING, which he had done several times.  He may have realized a dynamic on the squeeze, but I had not been 3-betting  light, Much less 5-betting light.  I’m sorry but I just don’t expect anything other than AA, it’s AA like 99% of the time.  And if he realizes I’m competent he has to know I’m never 5-betting folding there, so yeah I just don’t believe this luck-box can make this play without AA, no no way.

It was absolutely fucking insane that I had to waste 55BBs there on level whatever.  It crippled me.  After that I had 60-70 BBs and didn’t pick up another hand for the remaining 3 hours of the day or whatever.  I stole a few pots here and there, tried to mix in 3-bets at the right time, but I couldn’t stop the downward trend.  Then I fell into that stack size under 40BB’s where I couldn’t really do much of anything.  And the day ended and I was at 25 BBs.  Tuesday I will start at 18 BBs.

It’s a shame I couldn’t be a lucky idiot one time and have the AA in that 6-bet situation.  Most people won’t lay that down ever, so I’m somewhat happy that I’m still alive in any form.  That’s all for now.  After the tournament it’s going to be attempting to consistently return to profitability on the cash games, which I feel I’m prepared for.

-bag

New Session Log (9/15/2011)

I've been a pro for almost a year now. 

During that time I have meticulously recorded every single session on excel sheets.  I can tell you exactly what I’m up or down from a session over a year ago.  For example it looks like on 9/6/2010 I had the biggest 1-2 win of my life, up +1365 in 5.5 hours.  The session took place Monday night, 10:30 p.m – 4:00 a.m.

For the first time I want to experiment with a different model for recording sessions.  I just want to record the duration, location, mistake-free?, mind-set/emotional state, notes/adjustments, and finally up/even/down.

Duration

Still recording the actual number of hours I play.  Just to make sure I’m not getting lazy, or over-working myself.

Location

You guessed it, the casino I playing at.

Mistake-free?

A simple yes or no will do.  Did I feel I played mistake free during the session?  If I don’t feel I played mistake free I will write no and explain in a corresponding the note section.

Emotional state (Mind-set)

Good, average, frustrated, disgusted, and mind-fucked are all examples.  I had an “emotional state box” on my primary session log sheet so this isn't completely new.   But in this model the emotional state box is being listed ahead of any net results.

Up/even/down

A simple “up” “even” or “down” for my net session result.  If it's within approximately $50 of up or down I'll probably just put even.  I can still have a stop-loss in effect even though I'm not actaully recording the net result.  I walk in the casino with 1500, if I'm at 500 I realize my wallet is a little low and just leave.

Notes/Adjustments

This will often correspond to the “mistake-free” section.  Here I will talk about session specifics.  If I feel any adjustments are needed I will record them.

Moving on….

Notice there isn’t an exact “net/gain/loss” or “hourly rate” listed.  That’s sort of the point.  These are things I usually can’t control.  Normally I look right over to the “net/win/loss” after a session and see -$300, and that’s it.  “Failed session” I subconsciously think, as I beat myself up for no reason.

I’m hoping to focus on mistake-free and emotional state.  If both these elements are in my favor I should be able to sleep well at night.  If I’m also “UP” that’s just a side bonus.

Notice that being up 1k or being down -1k no longer has significance in this format.  If I’m mistake free and feel emotionally well I win.

If I make mistakes and don’t feel good I lose.

I’ve been such a stat freak for so long.  This should be interesting.  If I don’t like the model I can always go back to meticulously recording every dollar.  But this may be a good change of pace.  I’m attempting to eradicate the results oriented attitude that has always caused me more negatives than positives during my first year as a pro.

At the end of each week I can easily update my current bankroll status just to make sure I’m properly rolled and all.  I’ll update on how it works out.

-bag

Working on My Mind-Set (9/15/2011)

Things haven't gone better for me on the tables right now.  I've been trying hard to get back in the right mind-set going forward.  It's been my worst month as a pro, but not all is lost.

I actually contacted Tommy Angelo (mind-set coach) and he was kind enough to get back to me.  He looked at my situation and gave me his thoughts.  This helped me a lot because he is an author I really respect.  I read both his books and a video series he made online.  Despite studying his material I still have bad runs and slip back into my old ways of not thinking properly (as seen during my past few posts).

My main problem with being so disatisfied is mostly in my mind.  I previously had X buy-ins, so now I'm disapointed with Y buy-ins.  But I'm still in ok shape even with Y.

It's good to keep track of everything, but maybe not obsess over it as much as I do.  It's like my net worth/bankroll is mapped out on little excel boxes that fluctuate (which I update sometimes).  After I woke up and read Tommy's email today I didn't go to the gym or play basketball.  I didn't study.  I didn't sit there and curse about my luck over the previous few weeks.  I went to the beach and relaxed an hour. 

I asked myself:  "Why did I leave the life of comfortable wage slavery and do this in the first place?"

The answer was I wanted to at least feel free.  As long as I have a bankroll to play 2/5 in the casino every day, and I can make enough to cover expenses/living most months I should be ok.  I've accepted I'll probably never be rich, but I can be just as or more free.

Whatever happens this down-swing 100% has to be used as an opportunity to grow.  If I can find a way through this I can become unstoppable.  Most people won't ever run like this.  Even fewer will run like this and dig out psychologically, but I think I have what it takes to be one of them. 

So how am I doing?

Fine.

I'm healthy and I don't have to be at a dark cubicle by 9a.m tomorrow.

A Career Wave of Bad (9/11/2011)

Just wrapped up the weekend.  Blasted away another 3 buy-ins.  Everything that could go wrong during the last 40 hours of play has gone wrong.

Breaking up my sessions into intervals I've lost the last 9 straight.  This may never happen again in my life.  Previously I have never lost more than 5 straight live sessions.  This down-swing should go down in the record books for me. It's now just over 8 buyins.  You hear how these sort of things are possible even live, but you never actually believe it until it happens to you.

It's hard to explain to someone who isn't in the poker world.  And when you don't have a lot of poker friends you really do go through it completely on your own.  You question your sanity.  You start to think crazy things that aren't logical.  

I was happy with my play during the down-swing for the most part.  Even tonight (Saturday) I felt I played very well and mistake free.  What can I say?  The biggest pot lost:  I isolate $35 pre from the blinds with AsJc and get one caller pre-flop (a very tight casual player).  Flop Ad Td 3c (a diamond draw is out).  I cbet $50 into 80 he calls.  TURN Jh.  I bet $140 into $180, he shoves all in.  I just remember I calculated everything in my head right there.  IT was $150 more for me to win a $750 pot.  I only need to be good 20% of the time against his range here to break even.  I'm obviously calling any amount, but I calculated it in my head right there just for fun.  I'm also thinking about how I could possibly end up losing this pot, deep down I know I will.

RIVER DIAMOND.

HE TURNS OVER 9d4d BINKING THE FLUSH.  I launch the fucking cards across the table and everything is rage for the next 50 seconds.  I accidently threw my cards so far that one of them smacked against the opposite rail and turned over.  I don't remember the other card turning over.  But the 94s donkey to my immediate right commented after "What took you so long, that's a snap call with two pair".  I didn't say anything.  I thought to myself "Ok it took me like 30 seconds to call.  I was calculating the exact equity I needed to call against his range because I like to do this sort of practice on the run.  It's certainly a snap call, but for fun I like to caluclate JUST HOW BIG that bet would have had to be for me to possibly consider folding."

And what else is new.  I could run on about bad beats but I won't.  There are probably about 5 stories like this from the past four days.  My favorite was probably getting in $130 pre-flop Friday night with AA and being called heads up.  Flop 8 J T.  $170 more gets in on the flop and he has the elusive 97o for the nut straight.

I have never seen so many dry flush draws get there.

I have never seen opponents nail the ridiculous shit at such a high frequency after being destroyed equity wise.

I have never realized it was so easy to flop trips.  What is it normally like 3% to flop trips?  My opponents manage to flop trips on me like 50% of the time.

So uh, that's my week?

How was yours?

lol?

Ok so I don't know.  AT least I know what it feels like to have 6% of your net worth sucked out on the poker table in the span of 40 hours.

I recently made a poker friend who just moved to the area.  He's won 12k in just over a month playing the same stakes.  That's almost double what I made the entire summer.  He has a very similar style as myself and grinded some of the same games online.  He may be like a .5 pt BB/100 higher winner then me.  I don't understand this game anymore............

Tommorrow I'm going to wake up and work out.  Then I might play about 6 hours at night.  I'm not going to over-do the playing tomorrow.  I've played Wednesday-Saturday and lost -3.5k in that span.  The results are irrelevant, but I usually don't like to play more than 4 days in a row.

This month will clearly be a losing one, I'm certain of that.  All I can do is try to chip away at the losses 8 hours at a time, by playing mistake free.  By playing mistake free, even if I  continue to get fucked up the ass by the Gods of probability.  Even if there are not Gods of probability, even if it really is just random cards being dealt.

My main grind days this week will most likely be Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I'm taking off Saturday because I'm playing the Borgata main event on Sunday.  Saturday will probably be just study 5 hours and get some sleep for Sunday.  This will be the biggest tournament I've ever entered.  I'm playing it no matter what.  I don't care if I lose 10 fucking grand this upcoming Wed-Fri.

Schedule something like:

Sunday:  (exercise, Play 6 hours minimum)

Monday:  (Watch the U.S open final, 6 hours of tourney studying/playing)

Tuesday:  (work-out, No grinding cash tables, Study for tournaments a minimum of 5 hours)

Wednesday: (8 hours of grind minimum)

Thursday:  (8 hours of grind min)

Friday:  (5 hours min, if the games suck like most Fridays go home and study some)

Saturday: (work-out, study 4 hours, get sleep)

Notice there isn't any going out or anything there.  Decided to not drink a week until after the main.  I just don't want to get drunk and burn off two days.

That's about it right now.  It's going to be a war getting out of this down-swing.  All I can do is keep playing mistake free, keep putting in the volume, and keep focused.  I wonder how long this can continue?

-bag