Bad July (7/26/2011)

I'm about to head home for a few days, my grandfather recently passed away.  This is a really tough time, but I should be back playing by Friday or Saturday.  I know he would want be to keep playing and stay focused.

I managed to temporarily stall the downswing winning during the last 40 hours.  Only 1k, but it's something.  Thursday up a buy-in.  I had a great night Friday over 2k, then Saturday I ran/played like shit and shipped 1k right back.  Sunday I lost a buy-in in 8 hours.  Monday I broke even in 8 hours.

It's been a disgusting stretch to say the least.  In 144 hours this month I'm break even.  Actually I'm up +$150 ok lol.  Looking at a calendar I would have thought July would have been one of my stronger months, but no matter how hard I fight nothing has changed this month.

It's hard to comprehend putting in that many hours and breaking even.  But the worst down-swing I ever had occurred during this stretch, which was about -3k in only 16 hours.

All I can do right now is just keep putting in the time and working hard daily.  It starts to really fuck with your head when you run so bad for such a long stretch.  Meanwhile you walk through the casino and see the most ABC nits in the universe winning over 1k every 4 hours they play.  Then you start getting tilted, pissed off, and jealous by the mere sight of these players.  Then you snap back to reality, you honestly know such thinking is idiotic.

I'm not sure what else to say right now, it's not a great time for me.  I'm not about to drop stakes or anything.  I have about 72 buy-ins as a bankroll (this doesn't include rent/living expenses).  I think the swings would affect me less if I had 100 buy-ins.  So a long term goal is to get my bankroll to around 100 buy-ins for 2/5.  I guess that won't happen in my life-time if I break even every month!  But seriously, adding 28 buy-ins to my roll on top of rent/living expenses is not an easy task.  That's 14k I need to win and add to my BR.  There is no time limit on this, just something to keep in mind.

If I have another bad month or two I might need to seriously re-evaluate my course.

Definition of Insanity:  When one unhappily travels the same path, while making no attempt to change his situation.

I wouldn't say I fit the definition quite yet.  I certainly did when I was in corporate, except I changed my path eventually.  But another break even month or so and I have to start questioning things.  But what am I doing now to change my fate of breaking even?  I know variance happens and we can all run this bad sometimes, but I think this is still an important point to keep in mind.  I would say:

1)  I'm beginning to start profiling regulars in depth, as discussed in my last post.  I'm making a project out of it.

2)  I firmly believe my current stretch of running bad is a bizare statistical anomaly, but if it continues for an extended period I will question my play and ability.  I know plenty of pros who are not as good as me, but the deck clubs them in the face and they bink 1k+ per session.

3)  I'm putting in the volume and working even harder.

4)  I'm going out less and playing more.

5)  I'm spending less and playing more.

6)  I still think about poker every day.

7)  I keep an open mind and continue studying outside resources daily.

8)  I'm going to post hands on 2+2 if I question the way I played it.

9)  I'm trying to build a bigger network of live poker pros in my area.  There are only a few worth talking to, but they are out there.  I'm keeping an open mind. 

10)  I'm still working on my emotional control weekly.  I even ordered Tommy Angelo's books to help.  I also watched his series online.  I have already improved a lot in this area, but it's a constant war with me.

11)  Despite the stretch I still have confidence in my ability and discipline.

July isn't even over.  It's going to be a war when I come back from home.  I really want to be putting in the volume the 2 weeks before I go on a week vacation.  Vacation won't be a complete break, there will are casinos and Hold'em on the particular island I'm visiting.

-bag

Updates and Note Taking (7/22/2011)

Not much has changed in the down-swing department.  At least I scrapped out a win last night around +$400.  That’s a fine night, it just doesn’t seem like a lot because I lost so much earlier in the week.  I’m just taking it one night at a time and remaining focused.  This is an important weekend and I need to really put in some volume.  I also need to never waste my time on a bad table.

I’ve been thinking about taking notes a lot today.  I usually take notes during my live sessions.  But sometimes I question if I’m wasting time.  Or maybe I’m missing useful information as I’m taking the notes!  Honestly I rarely look back at my notes while I’m playing a live session.  Maybe once a month I’ll be playing an 8 hour session with the same guy and I might look back at notes once and be like “how out of line is his open PFR range again? Wait maybe if I can’t remember this I’m too tired and should just leave?”   Then again I will often still take notes on fish I will never see again.  I think the power of writing makes it “click” faster.  As opposed to just mentally noting “he limp called the PFR isolation with K7o and stacked when the king hit”.  If I write “Why are we limp calling K7o pre?   Why are we stacking off when the king hits against a mega-nit?  What the fuck is going on here?  What year is it?” I think it makes it click more, just how poor of a player he is.

For me I think keeping some sort of live notes keeps me focused and makes me absorb information faster.  It can also be a nice side exercise while I’m sitting there card-dead for 5 hours.

However, I think taking notes on the regulars is extremely important.  This is something I’ve been neglecting during the past few months.  Yeah I take notes about them for that session.  But I have never made a serious effort to categorize my notes on regulars.  This is something I’m going to start working on.  I’m going to ramp up my effort on taking notes on every regular who dares to nut-peddle at my table.

I also want to categorize the notes.  I’m going to start coming home and logging each player profile on a word document at home.  Then I’m going to put it all on a website that only I have access to.  Then I’m going to be able to pull up a regulars profile from my phone as I sit at any table in the city.  It will be like my own live HUD.  And the great thing is these regulars are rarely changing their game if ever.  Notes from a year ago could still be extremely relevant.  Remember they are only playing 4k hands at the most per month.  This sort of task may sound daunting.  But for me I can see it as fun.  I’ve always liked pulling lots of raw data, categorizing it, and producing it into something meaningful.  I was like this during school and even during my short professional career.  

So a goal going forward for me will be to ramp up the collection and categorization of my notes on regulars.  I’m going to take this seriously and see how it goes.  If I feel it’s not worth it then I will back off or scrap the project.  But I plan to be playing these stakes for a long time.  I don’t see me busting out of 2/5 anytime soon, so I might as well make the most of it while I’m here.  And I’m sick of seeing the same regs infesting my tables every week.  I have to squeeze out that extra BB anyway possible, and I think this could be a good blueprint for some extra profit in the long-term.

-bag

Hell Continues (7/19/2011)

The downtrend continued last night down -$865 in 8.5 hours.  The downswing has now gone to -$2200 in just Sunday and Monday alone.  Any profits I had for the month of July were destroyed in two days.  I'm now break even for the month.

I didn't play amazing last night, but I made no sizable mistakes.  I didn't steal enough when I started to feel stuck.  There was also one hand I sort of butchered?  I 3-bet a casual regular $75 pre with AKo.  Flop:  Ks Jh 5s

Pot is about $160 and the guy donk bets $75 into me.  This is a super-standard re-raise.  However, I decided to take an alternative line.  I thought his range was very weak here and I wanted him to keep bluffing at it.

So I call

Turn: 4s

Check, Check

River:  9d brick

He bets $75 I call.  He turns over QTo, hit the straight on the river.  Well done dude.  I just have to get it in on the flop there.  Take the pot, the board is super wet, tons of draws in his range there.  I think I incorrectly assigned this particular guy a more aggressive image where he's very capable of making moves.  But he's not like that against me at all.  He pretty much throws one bet and shuts down post.  He almost turns purely loose passive against me unless he nails something.  I only like the check call line against some of the best regulars in the city, maybe 5-10 specific players max.  Or a total maniac where I can just shove any turn bet.  Then again there aren't many good regs who are going to call my 3-bets light OOP.  I really only beat a QQ there that decides to keep bluffing.  My line would also be applicable in an online environment against many meh regs, but I screwed that hand up.  This dude was not making a creative play on me, and he really doesn't like to bluff me, he fears me.  I really over thought this hand.  Again just take it down.  Are you not happy with the immediate $230?   

Anyways, I lost another huge pot against a dry flush draw.  A J x flop, two spades, I was holding Ax Ks.  I cbet $100 into $150, dude auto-shoves.  He has me covered and I call $300 some more.  He has the dry flush draw and instantly hits on the turn.  He said something like "Oh man if I don't hit this one...." like he was fucking "due" or something.  Yeah I guess if you shove 5 dry flush draws all in during a single session on the flop maybe you're "due" to hit one?  The funny thing is this was actually a "good" player.  I found out later he was a pro somehow.  He had just lost a big pot and I knew I had him crushed during the draw hand.  So if I could have held up there I wouldn't have lost last night.  It changed the entire night for me.  I would have been +1k stack.  I would have maybe held off on bluffing $200 on the river a few hands later holding AK when the board bricked out.  Or he would have folded since I had a winning image.  And when I did hit my one set a few hours later I would have doubled up to $2000 instead of $900.  Raped by another dry flush draw, do they ever miss?

I'm planning on regrouping and playing tonight.  I want to take off Wednesday and get ready to play Thursday-Saturday no matter what.  And no getting drunk when I take off Wednesday.

I'm not going to bitch about variance or my fate.  I'm just going to do my best to man the fuck up and get over it.  I'm also going to continue busting my ass and working hard.  As long as I keep getting in with the best of it I should be fine.  My life may be very stressful right now, but I don't think I'll lose 50 buy-ins to dry flush draws and gut-shots hitting.

My life has been pretty brutal outside of poker as well.  My grandfather in Maryland had a massive stroke so my family is at a tough place right now.  I guess here is some advice for myself:

1)  Don't complain about running bad.  No one cares.  Just get over it.

2)  Don't hate variance.  Without it nothing would be bringing fish into the game, and I wouldn't be able to do what I do for a living.

3)  This is the time to work even harder.  Never stop busting your ass!  The worst thing I can do is massively slash my volume because I'm running bad.  Yeah that would be a great idea, I'm sure not working at all would be the solution to your problems!

4)  Get girls out of your mind permanently.  You need to survive out here, no one else is looking out for you but yourself.  And next time one comes around or is interested expect literally nothing.  Try fucking them and not talking to them again like any other guy.

5)  Goes without saying, but always be there for your family.  Family members are the only people who you can always count on. 

6)  Don't stress out, just be properly bankrolled.  A 4-8 downswing buy-in can happen even if you're playing optimally.  You knew this when you went pro.

7)  Keep balance in your life.  Continue to eat healthy, work-out, and please have a social life.

8)  Have self respect for yourself.

9)  Have confidence in yourself.

-bag

Worse Net Loss of My Career (7/18/2011)

I just finished up a session tonight down -$1350 in only 4 hours of play.  This was the worst net loss I have ever experienced in a single night live.  I was up over 2k on the month going into tonight, now it's around +$900.

I was starting to get things going winning the last 9 out of 10 sessions until the nightmare came.

I was fine with the way I played, it's crazy how it happened so fast.  I started off down -$350 just losing every single hand I was involved in.  Running into 4 3-bets pre, obviously all KK+. 

Then came a huge all in hand.  Villain committed $500 all in with a dry flush draw on a 8 4 3 board.  He got their on the river and my QQ could not hold.  I was already down -$850 at that point.

I then took a nap and got and decided to put in another 3-4 hours if I felt better.  I woke up recharged and ready to go.

I immediately found a great table.  There was a deep stack maniac on my immediate right.  I had seen him isolate $15 pre with 78 off and then call a $120 limp re-raise with the 78o.  He flopped a straight draw and shoved (lol wtf).  I then saw him bluff $300 into a king high board with a gutshot.  This was a guy where TPGK is pretty much an auto-stack, considering his range and tendencies.

I was soon dealt TT UTG.  I raise to $20, two callers, including the maniac who completed from the BB.

BOARD:  8d 8h 5s 

I then cbet $40, one fold, maniac re-raises $120 on top.  I'm definitely fine getting it in here.  The question is whether I want to shove now or call and basically stack on any turn.  I decided to call.  I could have got it in on the flop, but I felt he had so much garbage in his range.  I was stacking any turn with the exception of a 4 or 9

TURN:  7

Maniac goes all in.  I only have $300 left, I call.  I didn't think the turn really mattered.  Well it did, he turns over 69o, hitting the fucking gut-shot on the turn.

I know any other missed turn and he is making the exact same move, so I don't hate my play.  90% of the time he doesn't get the gut-shot and shoves the turn with complete bull-shit.

So there you have it.  After that hand I was down -$1350 for the night.  I use a -1k stop loss so I immediately left the casino after that.  It's a shame because it was a great game.  I just start to get tilted when I have lost over 1k for a night.  It rarely happens.  The last time I actually used a stop loss and left the casino was May 12th (looking at my spreadsheets).

It was certainly not my night and time to just cut my losses and regroup.  I guess there wasn't much of a choice anyways, I came into the casino with $1500 and left with $150 in my wallet.  I could have held the seat and borrowed money from a friend, or drove home to get money, there are a lot of people who would have.  But this is part of the reason I only bring 2-3 buy-ins to the casino.  It acts as a natural stop loss.

This is a dark day indeed.  All I can do is get to bed at a decent time tonight, work out tomorrow, and get focused for the sessions this week.  I'm a little disgusted at the moment, but feel in control.  When I lost the last hand I didn't flip out or anything, I calmly walked away.  I am proud of that.  I'm not as shaken as I thought I would be if someone were to say to me before my sessions that "I would lose $1350 tonight in 5 hours". 

I think in this time of crisis it is important keep in mind what is best for the investors of Baglife Corp.  Tonight I felt the stop-loss was the correct decision.  That's all for now.  Every day will be a battle this month, it'd be a cool story to hit the lottery one night like my opponents. 

-bag

Poker/Life Updates (7/15/2011)

I decided to go out of stock market mode and put up a quick update here.  It’s Friday and I’m getting ready for the weekend grind.

This week I’ve played 20 hours (Tuesday-Thursday) finishing up just a buy-in.  On Tuesday I put in 3 hours and lost -$680.  I have to say Tuesday was some of the worst poker I’ve played in the past two months.  I was tilted as soon as I sat down on the table.  I had no business playing that night.  A girl had just blown me off, and I was seriously on life tilt.  I won’t get into the details, but yes playing was a mistake that night.  I tried to make something out of nothing several times.  I also misplayed a few spots.

Actually I am going to get into the details since writing about it might make me feel better.  One of my roommate’s friends is in town for a few weeks, call her Hannah.  So Sunday night I was going to go out anyways.  Hannah happened to be around, so we all went out (my roommate, a friend, and her).  I end up making out with Hannah a few times during the night and we hit it off well.  She was all over me.  She also said a lot of bull-shit to me such as “you’re hot”.  And “So if we were dating what would happen……..”.

That night she slept in my bed and was cuddling with me pretty hard core, but she wasn’t that coherent.  I didn’t want to fuck her because she was really drunk, but I guess I should have.  The next day we went to the beach, since she was uh staying at my place anyways.  I flirted with her some and she wasn’t that responsive.  I suggested that we go out Tuesday and she agreed to it right away.  So Tuesday comes around, and last minute she texts me and bails out.  “Hey so I’m going to just stay here with my friend tonight, but if we do hang out I think it should be as friends.  Sorry if I was misleading Sunday”.  I really have no clue where the change of heart came from.  Maybe, she realized the next few days that she wasn’t really attracted to me?  Or maybe she didn’t want to get involved with a date because she is so close to my social circle, and it could be odd because we will be hanging out the next few weeks?  Either way, this is not poker.  I like to over-think everything, but I don’t think this is the place for it.  She’s just an inconsiderate bitch, how about that?

Either way, yeah misleading really?  So that put me on life tilt for a night, but I tried to play anyways and lost, once again proving I’m not a robot.  I’m not sure what I was looking for with the girl there but I didn’t like how she blew the date off last minute and sent such a stupid message without explaining anything.  I guess I did sort of like her.  But now I think she is a bitch, but I’d never say anything.  I’ll be nice to her because she’s intertwined with my social circle for a few weeks, and she is a hot ok, and leave it at that.  She’s only in town a few weeks anyway, who cares right?  It will be tough to restrain and not bring up the message and blow-off. 

And after thinking about it, hey it was me who paid for the bottle service Sunday night.  It was me who agreed to let her sleep at my place without paying anything before I even met her.  I didn’t think I deserved the last minute blow-off.  But in the aftermath it’s clear that you don’t deserve anything just because you’re nice to someone.  All good deeds go punished.  I know this, but I'm still surprised for some reason!  

Thankfully I was able to fully recover the loss Wednesday as I won over 1k.  Then last night I finished up +$50 in 8 hours, at least I didn’t lose money I guess.  It’s back to the playing tonight.  I’ve had a lot on my mind and I feel it’s important for me to stay focused this weekend.  All that should matter when playing is the investors of Baglife Corp, anything else is irrelevant.

-bag