Break and Ten Goals for 2011 (12/30/2011)

2010 was quite a year for me.  After planning for a long time I finally got myself in a position to make a clean break from corporate.  I’ve so far cast the sea of doubters aside and have been successfully supporting myself playing full time.  Sure, I’m not even close to some sort of super balla, yet that was never my goal.  My goal was to support myself while having an increased level of freedom, purpose, and happiness in my life.  This continues to be my mindset going forward.

I fled from corporate and never regretted my choice.  Even when weeks have gone bad, I’ve still never thought: “man it sure would be nice if I could wake up tomorrow, be back at my old desk, and collect that steady check at the end of the week.” 

If anything I’ve thought:  “Well damn at least I don’t have to be in my cube of oppression by 9a.m on Monday morning.”

I’ve grinded enough money even starting out to get by.  I’ve paid rent+expenses and built my bankroll each month since I left my old job in October.  I haven’t come close to dipping into any reserves I set aside in case things did not go so well.  I’m happy with my situation, which I’ve worked quite hard for.  I’m my own man again.  I also feel much more in control of my life.

I consider poker do or die for me.  I would be crushed if I could not find a way to keep making it work.  I’m not sure how long it would take me to get over defeat.  However, no matter the outcome I can confidently say that I will not regret my choice.  Life is about the journey.  I have no idea where my journey could take me in even 5 years, or even a year for that matter.  But I feel I’ve already made an incredibly difficult life choice at a young age.  I moved away from all of my family and friends.  I moved to an unfamiliar area alone and started a new life to pursue what I am passionate about.  No one can ever take that from me.  I left a “good and stable” job that I could have kept and earned a stable living indefinitely.  They offered me slightly more money to stay and empty promises.  I explained: “NO NO , it’s really not about that….”

As for the current, I haven’t logged a hand since my last live session on 12/23/2010.  It’s been a nice break, I love Christmas.  I decided to stay in MD (my home state) and hang out with friends and family until I left around 5 p.m today.  AC area also had almost 20 inches of snow so I was in no rush to get back.  Anyways, it’s a great time to take a break and prepare for the upcoming year.

I have friends visiting me Thursday-Saturday so my volume during the next few days could range from limited to non-existent.  It is New Years, and I told myself I wouldn’t play poker considering friends are driving a long way to see me.  I guess it wouldn’t kill anyone to sneak a session in on Thursday, but we will see.

Ten Goals for 2011

Some of these goals are going to be specific and results oriented.  This usually isn’t the best outlook when it comes to poker.  However, a new year is exciting because you can make long-term goals and strategize to achieve them.  It’s also fun to look back at goals you set for yourself.  In a year will I look back and say: “Wow what the fuck happened?”

Or: “I crushed everything on that list”

Below is my list in no particular order of importance:

1)  Become a winning regular low stakes grinder at 100NL short buy in.  This means having a yearly graph that is heading towards the upper right.

2)  Become a solid live 2-5 regular.  I expect to average at least $30 per hour in these games.

3)  Average at least 2.5k per mo nth in winnings starting out (live and online combined).

4)  Log as close to one million hands as possible online.

Not sure how feasible this is.  Currently playing 6-8 tables it just isn’t going to happen.  I would need around 19,180 hands per week.  However, half a million is certainly reasonable even with my current volume.  My plan is to start out logging as close to 10,000 hands per week as possible.  Hopefully as the months go by I can comfortably add more tables and volume.

5)  Learn a new format or game.  Perhaps Omaha or heads-up.

6)  Do whatever it takes to ensure development continues.  Whether it be coaching, more time to study, or advanced database analysis.  It’s my job to identify when I’m stalling and proactively take steps to fix the problem.

7)  Play a tournament at least once per month (minimum $200 buy-in)

8)  Plan at least two big live tournaments to look forward to.  I have someone lined up who will take a good % of my action so entering won’t jeopardize my bankroll.

9)  FORCE myself to enjoy my freedom when possible.  There is more to life then the grind.

10)  Seriously work on controlling and keeping track of my emotions.  I want to track my emotional state and log it after each session.  Consider an “emotion” column added to my online and live spreadsheets.

Happy new year everyone!

-bag

Bankroll Bleeding Online Again (12/22/2010)

(IT'S A BLEEDING EYE CLOUD- REPRESENTING MY BANKROLL.  PRETTY MUCH ALL I COULD FIND THANKS!)

Just finished up playing 7.5 hours today.  I stopped 30 minutes short because I was that disgusted.  Dropped close to $400 (8 buy-ins) during that time span.  I felt like I played good, I just can't catch a break right now.  I've never felt so powerless and disgusted with the way online is going.  Since I've gone to full buy-in I've ran $1600 under EV in 120k hands.  I don't understand how people play and run anywhere close to normal, it's never happened to me so far.  Pros can play millions of hands firing up 20 tables at once, and I can't run 4-8 tables without avoiding complete fucking disaster.  Let's look at the biggest hands today for example (Oh also -$300 in EV again great thanks).  I'll just list the amount I lost on each, rather than the pot-size:

1)  KK < AA all in pre (-$50)

2)  KK < AA all in pre (-$50)

3)  KK < AQ all in turn/river (-$50).  I flop a nut set on a T, K, 3 board.  Turn: 2, River J.  I bet the entire way, every fucking street and he hits the 4 outer straight on the river.

4)  AK < AA all in pre (-$50).  Here we have a 50/25/20 player.  He limp re-raises me and I push $50 all in.  It's an easy range play to make.  There is no way in fucking hell I can not shove AK here.  So of course he hits the top 1% of his bat-shit psycho range.  This is where I gave up tonight I believe.

5)  QQ < AA all in pre (-$30).  Opponent was nearly short-stacked, no choice here.

6)  88 < QTs.  (-$50).  I set mine a 50/47/20 and he turns the flush on me.

7)  Let's add - $100 lost to coinflips minimum

I don't see how I can play 1-8 any differently.  I can't catch a break right now.  My last $1500 bonus has been hammered by this downswing.  I have about 115 buy-ins online, and I have no confidence in my ability to run like an average human being for once in my life.  I've never experienced it, I have no idea what that even means.  So here I sit absolutely mind-fucked and glad the online week is over at least.  I'm only 20% to the next bonus and I feel like this is going to be a rough stretch.  Not that I'm playing bad, it's just not happening right now.  It might never happen for me online. 

The only positive is I'm up about $3700 since playing full buy-in.  But that's with a ton of bonuses.  If it wasn't for the bonuses I'd be down -$850 running -$1600 EV so far.  My goal right now has to be to let the bonuses make up my profit, until I can find a way to run normal.  All the while improving my game as much as possible.  I'm not drawing any money out of the online bankroll until things clear up (if ever) and I have no need too.  All of my rent and living expenses have come from playing live the first three months.

So bad post, but that's about it right now.  I'm disgusted and fed up I know part of the problem is the 20-50 BB tables, but they tend to have the most action so choose a majority of those tables for battle.  I'm sure after I get the shit kicked out of me a few more months I'll change up the game online, sort of hard at this point though.  Deep down I still somehow have hope somewhere that things will go smoother in the future.

The next two days I will be putting a lot of volume in live before the holidays.  I have to put in the volume Wednesday and Thursday.  Then I'm off for Christmas.  Then friends visit the next week for New Years so I'm sure volume will be restricted.  I'm not going to let tonight ruin my holidays, there is no point stressing out about running like absolute shit.  I have a lot of work to do next year, but I still have my freedom, financial security, and holidays to look forward to.

Oh I did go on that date I mentioned in my last post.  She was nice, but I really don't see it working out.  I just wasn't attracted to her enough.  Decent looking girl, just not someone I would waste the time to date.  I will say for basically a blind date it surpassed my expectations, but who cares.  Ok that's all for now.  Cheers, Merry XMAS if I don't post again before then.  I might update on my two live nights.

-bag

Avoided Disaster Tonight (12/19/2010)

Just got back from a tough live session to say the least.  During the first 6 hours I was down -$320 playing 1-2.  This was the most I've been down in a single session since I moved out here and perused poker full time.  The money was all lost as two flopped sets were destroyed by straights.  Really nothing I could do during that time.  At the 6 hour mark I took a break and tried to regroup.  I tried to look at it as a positive.  I was interested in how I would respond to running that badly during 6 hours, and losing so much with 2 monster sets flopped. 

I came back from 1-5 a.m and ended up winning +$240, so only down -$80 on the night.  I was thinking about trying to stay on the last table past 5 a.m until I at least broke even.  It would have most likely happened if I was ever dealt a top 20% hand again.  But I was incredibly card dead the last two hours like usual and I didn't feel much would change.  Also I was damn tired.  Who goes 10 hours+ without being dealt pocket aces live anyways?

I'm planning to put in at least one or two more long live sessions before I take off for the holidays.  The 22nd and 23rd are likely candidates.  Those days should have decent action live with so many people on vacation.

Tomorrow should be a nice change of pace.  Not forcing myself to play live on Sunday should be refreshing.  I also have that date with the girl I couldn't even pick out of a line-up.  I'll give it a 5% chance she's good looking enough to continue going out with, yeah I'm a pessimist.  My fault for being that drunk at the club I suppose.

I also want to put in some good volume online tomorrow.  Online has been a nightmare since the last $1500 bonus I cleared, so I might keep it to a pathetic 4 tables until I win at least 2 buy-ins if that ever happens.  At least 16 hours online from Sunday-Tuesday, gogo!  Fucking online.

-bag

A+ Amazing Week So Far (12/17/2010)

Monday I played 8 hours live and won +$200.  I then put 11 hours in tonight and won +$465.  The table tonight was absolutely fucking insane.  I had to FORCE myself to leave the casino at 7:10 a.m.  Even as I left, I still couldn't believe that I left.  It felt against my morals to leave that table.

Even as I sit here now I still think I should go back to the casino and try to get on the table.  It took a ton of discipline to walk away.  But +$450 was a big win and it was a good time to go.  I had been card dead about 3 hours.  Also I had a stack of over $650 at that point, and I wasn't even the chip leader.  The table was extremely fishy, but very high variance.  One crazy play and you can really lose your entire stack.  A $15 raise preflop would get 5 callers, even if you hadn't played a hand in an hour.  And they weren't just monkeys pre, they were even worse post if that's possible. 

So a very good start to this week.  I've hit the 5k profit mark so I've stuck to plan and have now been buying in a full $200 every time I sit on a 1-2 table.  I only need to win +$450 to begin mixing in 2-5 games thanks to this week.

Also I took off Wednesday and went to a club.  Had an amazing time and got destroyed drinking.  I met a girl and we made out for over an hour.  We exchanged texts and are planning to meet up on Sunday or Monday.  I suggested that we "get together for a drink".  This is stupid, but I really have no idea how attractive she is.  Sure she was attractive at the time, but when I made out with her I was beyond drunk.  It's likely that I'm going to meet up with her and be like: "ok she's not good looking enough".  Therefore, I didn't schedule a dinner or something because that could be a waste of time for both of us.  So this situation could be interesting indeed.  Maybe I could just show up on the first date hammered?  I don't know that just sounds like a terrible idea....

Tomorrow I'm having dinner with my roommate, I'm really excited and love hanging out with her.  I might log a live session later if I feel like it.  If not, definitely Saturday.  Tonight was one of the most fun sessions I've had in a long time.  Even know I was card dead most of the time, just finding and being part of such a crazy game was awesome.  I'm very happy now and everything is going going good.  When I have an awesome night everything just makes sense, it's a great feeling.

-bag

Erasing Sunday-Live (12/13/2010)

Just wrapped up an average at best weekend.  Cleared a little over $450 live Thursday-Saturday, then I lost $110 Sunday.

Looking at my spreadsheets it really just jumped out at me that Sundays have absolutely sucked live.  I just realized that during the last 7 Sunday sessions combined I have won a grand total of +$60.  This is something I really should have picked up earlier.  This is why you keep detailed records of every one of your sessions.  Now that I think about it Sunday's really have been miserable (especially during the past month).  Half the day I walk around looking for a table it seems.  The action always sucks.  I'm lucky to find a decent table, it usually doesn't happen.  Also I'm usually tired and miserable.  I always show up around 4 p.m after ridiculous marathon Friday/Saturday sessions.

I think it's been a bit of a variance issue on Sunday the past month or so.  I'm sure I'd average at least $15 per hour on 1-2 if I played every Sunday for 4 months.  But I also think whatever my hourly rate would be, it's a LOT lower on Sundays beacuse:

1) I'm always very tired on Sunday and in a bad mood (four 8 hour+ live days in a row is very tiring). 

2) The action very poor. 

These two factors can't be ignored.

So what's the solution?

DROP LIVE SUNDAY FROM MY SCHEDULE.

That's right, starting now I'm cutting out Sundays live.  GOOD-BYE, problem solved.  The 80 year old nits can have fun cannibalizing each-other for that one seat that might be profitable.  I'm going to make Sunday an online day going forward.  If I'm breaking even I might as well be doing it online while I work towards a $1500 bonus.  Besides, action is usually very decent online Sunday.  My live poker routine was getting all the love with the most lucrative days, while I've been grinding the doldrums of online (Monday-Wednesday).  I'm hoping adding Sunday to my online schedule will boast my profitability.

To fix the lost pending Sunday this week I'm going to play live tonight since my local casino has this random promotion going on that is pretty decent.

The next few weeks I'm aiming to play Sunday-Tuesday online, and Thursday-Saturday live.  I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do with Wednesday yet.  It might come down to my personal preference on a week to week basis.  Wednesday I'm going to seriously try to reflect and ask myself WHAT I NEED.  Do I need a complete day break?  Do I need to go out?  Am I on a massive heater (yeah right) where I really feel like putting in a decent session regardless?  So yeah play it by ear.  You know stop sticking to a schedule like a robot like I'm still in corporate or something.  So a post next Wednesday should be: (12/22/2010 Reflection Day), or something stupid like that.

I really should be forcing myself to take off at least one day per week which I have not been doing.  So next few weeks:

Sunday- Tuesday (Online)

Wednesday (???? Study some, take off some, play some)

Thursday-Saturday (Live)

-bag