Updates, Bad Relationship, and Goals (8/23/2013)

I can't actually explain why I haven't posted in so long.  I've been incredibly busy and my life has been all over the place.  For some reason I lost my drive to update.

I've still been grinding 2/5 and trying to transition online unsuccessful.  The online transition has been unsuccessful because I simply just haven't had enough time to commit.  However, I feel my online experience is really helping me improve as a player.

My life has been dominated my some pretty big stressors the past three months.  One of them has been moving to a new state.  The other has been a new girlfriend, which has now become a completely dysfunctional relationship.  It's gone on for about three months now, but last week it became so bad I insisted we take a BREAK, yes a break after three months haha.

The relationship started off really fun the first month, then it started adding negative to my life weekly, it just took me a while to accept it.  So I started tracking the effects the relationship was having on my emotions daily starting at the beginning of August.  I would track my emotional scale "1-10".  A rating of "5" would indicate neutral.  If it was a '5' for the day, that meant the girlfriend was added nothing for the day, no net positive or negative.  

I was a nice grader.  Even if she added nothing on a given day, I'd most likely give her a +1, because it's good having someone there to talk to (I guess), and hell at least the sex is amazing.

But if we got in a big fight obviously it would become something like a -3 for the day.  Yes if she got mad about some retarded b.s that doesn't even make sense and it led to a huge fight, that's going to be at least -3.  Because if she wasn't in my life it would be 0 neutral for the day.

Anyways, mid-way through August she was at a net of -27, so that was all the sample size I needed.  Yes minus twenty fucking seven, I can't actually make this shit up.  After the last twilight zone bull-shit arugment/fight that screwed up my day, I decided I wasn't hanging out with her during the upcoming weekend.  As soon as she sensed I was fed up her personality changed 100%, it was the most logical and sane she had been in over 2 months.  If she acted anything like she did during the past 8 weeks it would have been easy to break it off, but instead I ended up pussying out and just going on a break.  I've decided I'm going to give her one more chance to act like a normal human being, but the amount of time we hang out is going to be VERY reduced at first, like once per week.  My gut is that 90% this relationship is doomed anyway, but whatever, let's see her miraculous change she promised!

Going forward I'm going to try to play 25-30 hours per week live, while committing the rest of the time online.  This doesn't leave for enough time online, but it should get better when I relocate and I'm actually close to where I'm going to be playing live.  Rather than commuting and staying out of hotels every week.

Live Hell and Updates (4/15/2013)

It’s really hard to write about things right now, so I just haven’t been doing it, but wanted to provide some updates for anyone who still follows this blog.  The thought of even living what I go through weekly ONE TIME is already way too much to handle, much less writing about it a second time, and then reliving it a third time proof-reading.

Every day I decide to not play online is another day I’m stuck in this never ending hell that is live poker with no way out.  So that’s a decent motivation to grind online.  But I still don’t have enough time in a given week to transition. 

For March 2013 I played 111 hours live and won just under 4k.  I also put in 72 hours online, and won $45.  I’m currently 1-3 tabling 25NL right now.  I'm trying to do things right with online and take it slow this time around.  As in just keeping the tables way down and focusing on improving.  I’m somewhat happy with my coaching set-up and progress, I just don’t know if the opportunity cost is worth it.  It’s a shit load of time and work that might go wasted if things don’t work out long-term.  One comparitive advantage I have online is a coach who is absolutely crushing it at a higher stakes, so if I stick with him and work really hard I might have a chance.  Another comparitive advantage I have online is the money means absolutely nothing to me.  I lose in one pot playing live my entire online bankroll.

As for live, I’m in a small down-swing right now.  I’m running into set-up hands once per session, crazy shit going wrong that normally happens once a month maybe, or for most live regulars never.  Last night capped it off as I played 10 hours to win +$12 (yes twelve fucking dollars) in one of the best games I’ve seen in a month.  The highlight of the night was running JJ into QQ on a  6 5 6 Q J board against a huge fish check calling 3 streets (who flatted my iso from the blinds pre), there’s $1600 I’ll never see again.  Obviously got it in on the river.  The night before against a tournament retard (sorry but I literally hated this idiot I wish him nothing but the worst, seriously fuck him) opening around 40% from MP I flat with AK, flop comes A 8 7… get in $500 effective, somehow lose to pocket aces.  There goes the month pretty much.  When I lost the JJ < QQ hand I didn’t even flinch, in the past it would have bothered me a lot more.  All I remember is someone next to me saying “you need blah blah.”  I don't remember the entire sentance just 'you need something'.  And I swiftly replied “I need to go get a gun so I can shoot myself”.  After that I just kept playing as normal.  The next 6 hours were spent just grinding back what I already lost on one horrific set up mind-fuck hand like usual.   Now I just expect to make the correct play and lose every day.  I pretty much live up to that expectation. 

I can sit in some of the softest games in the world and still find a way to lose, it’s becoming almost impressive…

I’m down -$1300 in 70 hours and it’s halfway through the month.  The good news is I’ve been through this a million times before and 90% of the player pool in my exact same spot would already be down 4k riding a career 2/5 downswing and planning to shoot themselves.  I’m more worried about not being able to put the time I want online.  I’m running so bad live that I have to pretty commit to playing all live until I start running somewhat normal. 

There’s a ton going on with poker right now and every day is a fight.  I’m not going to talk about where I’ve specifically been playing, but I’ve been traveling around to play.  I will say in my mind I’m 100% done with playing in Atlantic City.  I’m just trying to make the best out of a bad situation until my lease expires in October.   I'm hoping by the end of the lease I'm playing at least 50% online (as in making at least 1k per month average) and have things 100% planned out on where I'm going to move to.

The next weeks for me should be something like travel/play, online day, travel/play, online/day, break-down off day from exhaustion, live in hell AC day, travel/play, online day, repeat.  I actually can’t get set on a normal schedule, I haven’t figured out how to balance it all yet.

Cheers all, hoping to start updating weekly again.

Hating Live and Updates (3/3/2013)

Hello all.

I haven’t been updating much mainly because there is a lot of negativity surrounding me right now.  Most of the time I’d rather not write or even talk to anyone when I’m feeling negative or things are going badly.  But hell it’s a new month!  Why not update!  Here comes the rant!

Borgata has become hell on earth for me.  Last week I actually went on vacation for 4 nights.  I came back and it took a TWO full days before I returned to pretty much hating all that is living.  I’d pretty much give anything to never again have to see 99% of the fucking idiot 2/5 player pool at Borgata.  The faces are beyond stupid, the nitiness is at all time new levels, the collective lives being wasted is unimaginable, and the stupidity is beyond thinkable. 

I can’t decide what actually tilts me more, the younger grinders or the middle aged+ regulars.  I hate them all, but I’d have to say the younger grinders.  You can’t sit next to one under 30 grinder at Borgata, it’s pretty much impossible unless you want to be subjected to:

1)  Endless poker talk during their entire session.

Nothing is more stupid.  If there is at least 3 of them on the table forget it, the game is already ruined.  Why must they endlessly try as hard as possible to educate casual live players, the same players they are theoretically trying to take money from.  Not that the ‘educating live players’ matters much.  Having a conversation with a water cooler would improve your game more than talking to a 2/5 Borgata “poker talker grinder.”  This is the bottom 20% of the 2+2 population we are talking about here. 

More importantly, no one gives a shit.  Seriously, shut the fuck up!

And it’s not like you can just transfer to another table.  There are about 2-3 of these idiots at every table now.

2)  Listening to them whine like a little bitch after they lose a hand.

Grow up seriously….

3)  Constantly being talked to like they’re somehow your friend. 

Not only do I not want to talk to you, I actually want to shoot you in the face for having the nerve to attempt talking to me.  No I don’t want to be your friend.  I would never hang out or talk to you OFF the poker table, WHY the fuck would that suddenly change on the poker table?

4)  Watching in disbelief as they violently berate the ONE fish on the table.

OH RIGHT, that’s why Borgata has the worst 2/5 game in the country.  And keep in mind the “fish” is the only person on the table not retarded.  The only one not wasting his life, let’s be honest here.

Furthermore, the 2/5 game structure at Borgata is beyond stupid.  The buy-in is capped at $500.  Also, the floor is super strict on collecting time rake.  That’s right, at a capped 2/5 game Borgata takes $5 time every half hour.

You sit down now TEN MINUTES after time is collected on every half-hour and they STILL take the fucking  $5 time from you.  There is no escape from the rape.  Also the games on average run slower than average.  WAY SLOWER.  Brace yourself for fills to come up every hour, even if the table doesn’t need them.  Oh and don’t worry, they will change the deck at least once per hour, even if the decks are totally fine.  And the floor will take 5 minutes to swap out two decks.  So you’re now getting less than 20 hands per hour and paying $10 per hour to sit in one of the shittiest 2/5 games in the world.

From now on I’m never tipping a dealer their more than $1, seriously, fuck that.  I’m beyond sick of this shit. 

I feel like I’m getting gouged when I play there.  It’s the only time-rake 2/5 game I’ve heard of in the country, but you can’t blame them.  The herds of retarded cattle still line up and play there.  There is no other stable 2/5 game in the city, they have monopoly, they do what they want. 

Therefore, I’m completely done with this city.  As soon as my lease is up I’m out.  The only place I can make a real living playing poker here is Hellgota, the same place I despise, so that is obviously not going to work.  The only way I’d even consider staying is if I was playing online over 90% as the lease was ending.  Even then there is no reason to live around here.  It’s the most-tilting and least profitable 2/5 game on the east coast.  It’s also the least profitable 5/10 games in the country.  And the life outside of poker?  Not good enough, not even close.  Every girl I meet is pretty much visiting from NY.  The only time I get laid around AC is when I go out to clubs, which I’m sick of to the point where I rarely even go at this point.  When I want to get laid, hang out with interesting girls, or hang out with family/friends I now just travel to Manhattan a few nights.  No reason to even waste time in AC.  If I manage a few good months I should just sublet the remainder of my lease asap.

The only thing I’m looking forward to weekly is committing time to playing online.  I almost don't care if I'm breaking even or losing money net on a month at this point.  I mean I can't run normally playing live regardless.  I'm also not passionate enough to grind out live games that I hate playing in.  25 hours per week, and the rest online I don't really care.  Beats walking into Borgata daily.  Fuck money, it's not even worth it.  What is the point of torturing myself to make an extra $500 per week?  There will be no bankroll building in those games.  I'm either running not good enough, too tilted, or the games just aren't profitable enough at the earlier times I'm playing.  This week I’m going to be playing exclusively online Monday-Wednesday.  It’s going to take time to get things rolling, but it’s at least something fresh to work towards. 

I'll resume live play Thursday-Sunday.

-bag

Flu > Me (1/25/2013)

I’ve been completely destroyed by the flu during this past week.  I’m still a day or two away from returning to play.  I’ve barely been able to walk much less log a session.  My last session played was Sunday (1/20).  Monday I woke up very sick.

This has been a really disappointing set-back, but all I can do is rest and try to recover asap.  I had logged 100 hours for January with good profit.  It was getting to a point where I could have considered 5/10 shots since I was up a decent amount on the month.  Being sick will most likely end up slashing my January volume by about 30%.  It's been one problem after another during the past few months.  It'd be wonderful to go through an entire month without any major problems.  Imagine... no massive downswings in foreign countries, no car accidents, no psycho girls trying to ruin my life, no serious illnesses.  One can only dream!

-bag

Working Hard (1/19/2013)

I haven’t had any sort of a life since 2013 started.  I’ve just been playing, shifting my schedule, studying, and working out.  Yes very boring I know.  These four things have consumed most of my time.  I’ve shifted to an earlier schedule for the first time since becoming pro.  This has been a massive adjustment for me, but I’m feeling better overall.

I’m starting to string together a decent run at mid-stakes, but I don’t feel satisfied at all.  I’m on a long mission and I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me.  I really don’t plan on having any sort of life until my bankroll is very close to where it was before I took a 'shot' in China.  I know this way of thinking isn’t really healthy or logical, but I just can’t justify having much of a social life until I string together some decent months.  Not after what I've been through, not with this kind of chip on my shoulder.

I’ve logged around 100 hours for January so far.  Hoping to stay focused and close the month strong.

-bag