Average Saturday (10/30/2011)

I stuck to my goals and kept emotionally cool Saturday.  I logged 9 hours and finished up +$400.  I was really close to having a big session, but several situations did not go my way.

I lost a $260 pot AA < K9o, I raise $80 pre, short-stacker gets al in and runs down a straight, fun as always.

Around 4:00 a.m I just missed out on a huge pot.  I isolated $25 pre with Kh Jh on one limper pre.  4 people end up calling (including the limper).

FLOP:  As Th 2h

I'm generally checking this back 5-way and taking a free card.  A very casual player leads out $40, I obviously have to call here.  3 other players end up calling.  The pot is now already $280 going into the turn.

TURN:  5c

Casual player now leads out $70.  This situation sort-of sucks.  Especially if you run like I do.  It's $70 to win $420.  I only have to be good 16.6% of the time to break even.  I think I have at least 12 outs (9 hearts, 3 queens).  I should be good at least 25%, even if I hit one of my outs and no further money is put in on the river.  Also the way the hand has played at least one of the other players is going to call the $70.

So I call, (meh to bad) regular behind also calls $70, 4th guy finally folds.  Pot is now $490.

RIVER:  5s

You mother fucking clown.  You're actually going to put out this shit card here?  5 of spades wonderful.  Can't I peel a black queen one fucking time.  Son of a bitch.

Casual player now leads out $200 all in.  I fold in complete disgust.

Regular starts tanking.  He turns over Ad Jd face-up and starts rambling about how he thinks the villain has A2.  He eventually calls,  casual player MUCKS.  FUcking lol.  WHAT?

How in the fuck do these terrible players win these pots?  No way AJ should be good there.  Mayble like 1 in 10 times.  But here we have a regular who was in the mood to call off.  I just think this is a terrible call in the long run.  Him even being in the pot pre-flop OOP against my isolation range is questionable.  But I wouldn't expect him to understand that.  But I didn't expect him to make such a hero call.

Anyways,

So heres what happens if I run good Saturday.  AA holds up vs K9o pre, +$260

I bink a heart or queen and win at least +$500

And that's +$1160

And I actually have a good week.

But you obviously can't win 1k every night, not even close.  At this point I am happy to win any amount during a session.  I want to be grinding out steady profit, not going for home runs, but I still felt sort of pissed off when I missed that draw for some reason.  It just felt gross how I was completely priced in because of the equity and expectedly whiffed.

Logged 40 hours this week and only finished up +$600 so far. Since Wednesday +1k.

I'm feeling somewhat tired but I may play tonight.  Sunday's are usually a good action night and I hate missing that night.  However, I've played 4 nights in a row so this is really pushing it.  I will stand up every 2 hours and really evaluate how I feel if I decide to play.  Updates soon.

-bag

Bad Thurs-Fri Results (10/29/2011)

I felt like I did my job Thursday and Friday.  I would give myself a pass with regards to the evaluation period so far.  I stuck to my plan and targets.  Unfortunately I finished down.  Thursday I broke even in 8 hours.  The action was pretty poor on Thursday for much of the night, which is unusual (Thursday is normally a great night).  The best game broke out around 4:00 a.m, but I was already finished for the night.  I really could not get anything going Thursday.  Up and down, winning a value hand here, taking a suck-out there, cbets keeping me afloat, no big situations.

I also broke even the first 5.5 hours of Friday but stayed in control emotionally.  During the last 2.5 hours I lost a full buy-in.  I finally hit a big situation where I flopped a top set of kings on a K T 8 (two diamond board).  I bet 65 into 100 flop, one caller.  Turn (9s).  I put him all in for 280ish on the turn.  He called rather quickly.  I thought it was a great turn card for me, non diamond and if he was on a straight draw it would more likely be J9 or 79 which didn’t get there.  I had only been playing with the guy for 15 minutes, but I was 95% sure he was a casual player.  Not like it mattered, I'm getting that in on the turn heads up against anyone.  Anyways, river was a black 6, I thought I basically had the nuts.

The dude turns over Tc7c, which somehow gets there with a straight on the river.  I still got him to commit the turn with what like 17% equity?  Some clueless fuck blackjack degenerate.  Soon after I heard him whining about how he lost 5k playing blackjack that night.  So I'm happy he could make his way to the poker tables and fuck up my night!  And there goes my night, fun shit.  So maybe in another week I can flop a top set and maybe hold.  Amazing how I lose this shit time and time again.  Man my live red-line would be some scary shit to look at.  The past 2 months have been characterized by losing monster pots getting it in with 80%+ equity, usually a set against some sort of idiot draw.  83% of the time I finish up Friday.  Still a horrendous way to finish the session.

So tomorrow it’s back to the tables for 8 more hours or so.  I should finish the month around 160 hours, which is pretty decent volume considering I went on vacation once.  Still down for the month, but trying hard to stay focused every session. 

I will be posting again shortly.  I normally don't post results for one and two nights or whatever because it can be somewhat boring, but I'm going to be playing a ton.  So it's either short-term results or nothing right now.

-bag

Good Wednesday (10/27/2011)

I had a great night.  This doesn’t happen much anymore so I had to put up a post.  Up +$1200 in 8 hours.  Most of it came during the first 4 hours where I hit two sets and got paid.  I average hitting like one set per week so this was pretty bizarre.

I ran good, but it was much needed.  Just knowing this sort of thing can happen helps the mind-set.  I was also happy with my approach and play.  I worked very hard on my breathing and mind-set during the entire session.  I didn’t feel tilted at all during the 8 hours.  I made sure I stood up and walked away from the table every 2 hours which seemed to help.

Good start to the evaluation period.  I’ll be working hard this weekend.  I really don't care if I finish up or down on the month.  As long as I stick to my plan and have an excellent mind-set each session.

-bag



Updates and Evaluation Period (10/26/2011)

It seems I’m now officially a professional poker player that can’t win money playing poker.  October will most likely end in another losing month.  I’m down 3 buy-ins during my first 120 hours of play.

I have sessions where I just lose a buy-in and barely get involved.  It’s like I bet-fold $500 and don’t win a pot.  I also go through stretches of un-real card and situation dead during the worst possible times.  I feel like I’m playing good, it just never correlates with the results.  I was proud of the way I played during my 7 hour session Monday, but finished down -$400 for example.

Before I went on vacation I had 9 out of 10 winning sessions.  Since I came back I’ve only won 4 out of the last 13, so I’m getting hammered right now.

I’m not really changing much going forward.  This should be a 90% straight forward value oriented game.  It seems very easy for other pros with comparable skill levels, but life is very difficult for me right now.

I’ve never had two losing months in a row before so this is really testing me mentally. 

Evaluation Period:

I’ve decided as of today (10/26/2011) I’m under a “strict” evaluation period.  The person being evaluated is me baglife, the professional.  I should go into each session as almost a do or die situation.  Every time I make a mistake I’m slightly closer to busting my roll and dropping to 1/2.  Every time I make a correct decision I’m adding to my bankroll (regardless of the short-term result).

Evaluation periods are good.  For example, if you’re being evaluated at your corporate job you are going to bunker down and give 100% effort for the time being.  So right now I have no room for error or slacking, I’m under evaluation.

I want this to be a fresh start.  I can only focus on the present, the past two months of misery are irrelevant.  I can’t control what happened in the past, but I can control the present each and every hand.  I want to look at every session very seriously.  I want to say I was close to 100% happy with the way I played that session.

Going into every session I’m going to think about 4 things before I sit down:

1)  Value, value, value.  This is 90% of the game, don’t forget it.  If there aren’t fish to take to value town at the table, change tables, or casinos.  I have the roll to nut peddle $15 an hour until I string together another solid month or two (not that I’m aiming for this, but I need to do everything in my power to ensure a winning month).  Start sessions even tighter than usual when down-swinging (aka now), it’s worth it to not be a psychological wreck early, this reduces fluctuations.

2)  Keep pre-flop range and stack off ranges tighter than opponents.

3)  Always be thinking about spots to expand aggressively from later positions.  Take those spots when winning (you don’t always have to take them, it’s situational).

4)  Focus on practices to keep calm and in control.  Work on your breathing techniques.  Try to at least stand up from the table every 2 hours.   

The 4 things listed above should be enough to establish a decent win-rate at 2/5.  I feel if I follow these 4 things at a bare minimum each session I SHOULD be able to beat the game and then some.  If I follow them I pass the evaluation period, if not I fail.  Or maybe I pass, but it still doesn’t seem feasible.  So at the beginning and end of each session I’m going to ask if I really felt I passed or failed.

Hopefully I can look at the numbers at the end of the evaluation period.  I’m going to ask a few questions and honestly answer them at the start of 2012.  I will ask:

Do I really have what it takes to play 2/5 for a living during the next year?

Is it feasible?

Should we be moving in a different direction from poker?

If so why?

If not explain?

And during the next months ahead are we transitioning deeper into the game, or farther away from it?

-bag

Comparative Advantages to Focus On (10/19/2011)

(Edit: warning, LONG post....)

This morning I woke up and was worrying about things that I really have no control over.  In response, I wrote down a few things to keep myself motivated going forward.  I tried to seriously ask myself "what are some goals going forward?"  I also tried to ask:  "what are some things that I can focus on that give me a comparative advantage over most other regulars?"  I think this list is important because it includes many things that I DO have control over. 

So what can I do to stay focused? A lot of this might sound weird because I tried to act as a second party giving myself advice.  This is the logical part of me talking which hasn't been around enough during the past month.  And I don't care if it sounds weird because it's to help me and no one reads this fucking blog (which is fine I don't promote), but anyways screw you.

In no particular ranking of importance:

1) Be more mentally stable

Ok this is going to be an exception.  This point should take slight priority over everything else that I mention.  I think at this current time "being more mentally stable" should be my number one priority each day.  Every time I'm not mentally stable I should consider it failure.

I have been seriously slipping here.  I need to expect and know that everything can go wrong during a given session.  I can't feel like shit over short term results that I can't control.  Did you make the right play?  Ok fine, stop worrying about bs, worry about the things you can control.  You studied Tommy Angelo's material to no end, you read the books, you watched his series online.  Re-pound this stuff into your brain as often as possible.  I don't want to hear the feeling sorry for yourself bullshit.  You emailed Tommy, you studied the material, so why are you so pessimistic and negative?  You should be neutral or positive.  It's not your goal to win it's to make the right play.  You can't act like a bitch when you take bad beats.  It's been a year as a pro now, you can't still actually struggle with this.

"I am a strong proud struggling professional poker player"

If you can't handle it leave the casino.  If you still can't handle it go back to corporate and work as a wage slave for 35-45k per year.  remember the 9-5 grind?

Remember that disgusting miserable commute?

Remember the tool-box idiots you had to deal with in upper management?

Do you remember the blog you kept that documented how angry you were?

Why don't you go back and read it right now!

Here is the link:  http://system.squarespace.com/

This should get you back to the core of WHY you are where you are right now.  Remember what drives you.

Or go bag groceries for $8 an hour.  Live a baglife.  It's a privilege to do what you do and don't ever forget it.  Everything is in place.  You are in a position to succeed, just fix that terrible inherited mind set of yours.  As your Dad once said: "You can always change the way you think." It can be for the better or worse, it's EV to choose "for the better".

MASSIVELY EV...

2) Don't get pissed off or jealous when you walk into the casino and see other regulars with huge stack.

I'm serious.  It doesn't matter if they suck and are running better than you ever have or will in your life.  Fuck them, who cares.  There is no bigger waste of energy than concerning yourself with something so stupid.  If you must; take notes on these people harder.  Maybe they are hitting some spots you miss.  Probably not.  But you should really respect other regulars as hard as that is. But you have to respect your opponents.  You did when you came up and started out playing poker.

End this issue once and for all.

This is your psychologist talking.  Yes you've just hired a psychologist despite your 50k net worth.  The black card covered that shit!

Moving on...

This has nothing to do with poker playing skill, running like God, etc, etc.  It has do with respecting another fellow traveler on the planet Earth.  You don't hate these people.  I think this was touched on in one of Tommy Angelo's books (or series I forget): 'your opponents are like trees on a golf course'.

They are natural obstacles that will always be in place whether you like it or not.  Would you curse at a tree because you hit your ball into it on a golf course????  Ok you might, but you wouldn't actually be thinking about ways to sneak back on the course after it closes to cut down-down THAT specific tree.  Ok you might, but the problem is YOU.  NOT the fucking tree!!  Just respect the tree dude, it's easier I promise.  Even if you could cut it down, it would grow back.

Try: "oh damn it's a tree"

Not: "fuck that god damn tree, YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING.  I am going to come back with a chainsaw and end your life".

Try: "hey, there are a lot of trees on this table, I can barely see the cards.  I'm going to move to a location with fewer trees"

NOT: "OMFG why the fuck are there so many regulars tonight? Are these idiots fucking joking? How many times do I have to see this unimaginative nit-box get clubbed in the face with the deck, run like God, and somehow astronomically run up a chip stack that big.  Does this shit ever end?"

Next time you walk into the casino try: "HEY, I remember that tree!  It looks healthy, must be drinking a lot of water, did it rain recently? Maybe there is some water left for the both of us?"

3) MENTAL STOP LOSSES

When the negativity starts to pour in, dig into your mind and stop it.  Go into your mind and start screaming at yourself: "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP"

STOP..........

Ok normal thoughts........

It's the only way.  You are a negative son of a bitch by nature, it will only return.  You could lock yourself in a cave and study mind-set teachings for a year.  But eventually the negativity would crawl back in after that third horrific bad beat in a given night.  Just STOP.  It's on you to stop the thoughts that add no value to your poker career or life.  No one else is going to stop them, YOU have to stop them baglife, YOU. 

4) Be more physically active.

I like to aim for decent physical activity at least 3 times per week.  Usually gym twice, and playing a sport one or two times.  This is healthy.  It's EV to be healthier, and screw EV you are nothing without your body.

5) Log solid balanced volume

I could log 60 hours in a week, that would be a pretty cool story, but not optimal.  This means not too much volume, but not too little.  I don't want to burn out, but I do want to generally play at least 40 hours per week.

6) Study Harder

There is always something I don't know about the game, no matter how straight-forward and value oriented my stakes seem at times.  If they were so easy you would be winning $40 an hour right?  We need to study at least 4 hours per week.  My study has been bad lately.

7) Have a better relax time/ social life

Even if it's only once per week, I need to enjoy myself.  I have a nice social circle that doesn't include poker players.  This provides a clean healthy separation in my life. 

I never thought about this before, but I need to fix my "binge drinking" some.  I normally drink about once per week, and when I do it's a lot.  As in I will go out and drink until I'm very drunk.  I think this can be bad for my body and mind.  I'm a young single guy, so yes I'm going to go out some.  But if I do go out I think I need to drink a lot of water between drinks to stay hydrated and coherent at least most of the night.  The point is, going out one night shouldn't make me feel like shit for the next 36 hours.  It's ok to have fun, just be mindful of the bigger picture. 

8) Stay in touch with cute girls

If you aren't dating them you should be staying in touch with them.  This provides balance in your life, which I think is especially important since I'm not really dating anyone at this time.  If it's not someone out here, it's still nice to talk to girls who still live around where I grew up.  Most people don't have cute girls to talk to!  You do! 

Advantage [x]

9) Stay in touch with your family

This adds balance and perspective in your life.  You have a well-rounded, smart, and good family.  You are fortunate to have such a family, most people don't.

10) Eat healthier

I usually don't have a problem doing this, but let's keep it that way.  If you eat bad, you feel worse.

11) Make less mistakes

Daily.

12) Table select better.

Never settle for a bad table, just don't.  If there isn't some fish you can take to value-town you're obviously on the wrong table, just leave.  Your win-rate won't improve by wasting time on below average tables.

That's it for now.  I really hope this post will get my mind on the right track going forward.  As you can see it is still a constant battle for me to control my mind.  I have an exciting year to look forward too.  I will do everything in my power to not only survive, but live a balanced life while focusing on my comparative advantages, not short-term bankroll fluctuations.

-bag