Freedom Monday (8/31/2016)

Played an MTT session tonight and fought hard.  Decided to keep the buy ins lower whenever possible to focus on helping others beat the smaller buy in MTTS and max out ROI; especially for new players trying to generate a side income stream in N.J.  Did a recording tonight for my private group at least. 

Also kept a journal of some of the smaller stuff here.  

Today is freedom Monday because I decided to end a toxic relationship I was involved in earlier and I'm starting to feel better because of it already.

Break-ups are always pretty much devastating, but I'm going to do my best to use this as fuel to improve and grow daily.  This will be a turning point when I get over this in stride no matter what. 

She added more negativity then positively to my life every single day; I could end it with that explanation pure and simple.  But just to make sure I even kept a positively/negativity chart on an excel sheet.  Everyday I would grade how much positively to negativity she and the relationship was adding to my life daily.  I started this at the beginning of the month to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.  Each day the worst possible score was -10; the highest possible score was +10.  At the end of the month she was at about -100.  That is hard to do ...

Man if I had a $100 for every relationship an excel positively/negativity spreadsheet has ended... 

I now need to ask myself every day WHAT AM I DOING to improve EVERY DAY that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was still with the parasitic girl.

It's really not personal; If anything I should be thanking her.  It was a reminder that I have to look into the mirror; this can't happen again ever.  I can't allow such a toxic influence to chip at my progress as a person.

Looking back the situation actually feels like a bad dream for most of the time (except the really good sex; which is an addiction itself and didn't even close to out weigh the negativity).  My thinking patterns made little to no sense when I talked about her and the relationship; even to friends who described me as in 'a trance.'  It was a trance; I was the host of a parasite that was destroying me.

It wasn't even personal; she loved me as best as she knew how, but you have to love yourself before you know how to love anyone.  An addict doesn't love themselves; they have a disease fueled by unwavering victim mentality.  They will continue to destroy themselves and everyone around until they CHOOSE TO BE AT WAR TO CHANGE.  As a significant other you can be dragged into the abyss or cut ties and hope they one day find the happiness they deserve and are looking for; but you no longer have any say in the matter.  To stay is to suffer needlessly; you have to recognize it and save your self.  It will perhaps be one of the hardest choices you will have to make, but it is 100% correct and needs to be done.

At the end of the day I am a high quality guy.  To think I fell so deep into scarcity and selflessly poured so much into one girl is maddening.  Putting so much into one person who proved many times she is incapable of being in a mutual beneficial relationship with anyone was pathetic on my part pure and simple.  I can do better; I have to do better.  When it was said and done She allowed me to hold up the mirror so I can rally back to my core purposes and improve myself.

We have so much to accomplish in life and so little time.

Sunday Funday Session (8/28/2016)

Kicking off a Sunday Funday recorded session here.  Will walk through the Sunday MTTs online in NJ with the highest ROI including freerolls.  Looking forward to this and will update here:

Boom!

Hope everyone is fantastically well.

-Defender 

update 11:50 p.m

Great session and 'game changing day' emotionally for me.  Ended up taking a $50 turbo run to 2nd place.  Busted heads up losing to the open shove TT < A2o.  Big $600 pay difference but enjoyed the run.

Looking to get back into MTTs more during Septemeber because I'm a degenerate.

Friday Cash Brain dump and thoughts (8.26.2016)

Looking to get back on track with volume here in a big way.  I am also doing a recording series for the new poker training company I am currently working with.  The videos will be released when they launch (if the company feels they are acceptable)

Either way I'm going to be focused on improving and helping others tonight.

I will also not let negativity from a fast deterioriating relationship get in the way of my work goals.

There are times when you need to cut cancerous influences from your life and focus on alinging with your core purposes that will allow you to reach the best possible version of your 'ideal self'.

If you can't do that you will never be happy with yourself; so you will be unable to function in any sort of romantic relationship with happiness regardless.  There is no helping the set in stone victim mentality; it will destroy everything around it.  'Misery loves company' 

The signficant other can respect your core purposes or get the fuck out.

I understand there are times when a person has bad horrible choices that have had a ripple effect to this day.  My girl is dealing with these choices.

 Anyway needed a brain dump.  Will fight to be more focused going forward tonight.  Will also update on this reddit channel:
 

HERE!

Thursday Cash Session (8.25)

Fighting the good fight here.  Started at 4:30 p.m, but taking a break of sorts.  Will drop in later with at least a concept or rant.

Online Cash Session and Concept (8/23/2016)

Will post my results a the end of the night.  Also will keep a running update here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Learn100NLpoker/comments/4z9jt1/brain_dump_post_and_cash_session_82316/

Here is a concept I thought of for professional cash grinders and getting the necessary volume in:

Concept: forcing daily action (one table at required start time) to force volume online.

Discipline is something that needs to be earned and re-earned by establishing daily effective habits over a long period of time.

A long time ago discipline was beat into me (mostly by family).  It stayed with me through most of my poker career; but somewhere along the way I lost it.  I now struggle to get it back at times.  But today will be different; there will be forced action going forward. 

My burning desire to be be the best possible version of myself is strong again, but I now find myself needing to use that to force discipline to log enough playing hours in a given week.

Poker is long from the 'magic carpet ride' it was when I started playing.  There needs to be a structure in place or I simply won't get the hours I need in anymore.

This structure is simple:  At the week write down how many hours you need to play as a professional poker player and distribute where you like.  Now go get em right! 

At the beginning of this week I had my hours filled out.  I knew I was supposed to play cash online Tuesday for 5 hours. I knew I had to play today at 5p.m...

This is where I seem to struggle where 2 years ago I wouldn't have...

The next step today should have been FORCING THE MARKED START TIME at 5p.m. I missed the start time, which is inexcusible but I think it's important to enforce daily online start times as a daily effective habit by getting that first table up and running no matter what. 

To do this on Thursday I have a marked start time at 4p.m. I will have ONE TABLE UP AT 4P.M. If I don't want to prepare properly that's on me, but that table needs to go up and force action.

If I do this enough it will become a daily effective habit of forcing action. The act of forcing one table to start is important in itself; it forces the mind into action. I'm experimenting doing this and then doing everything else (that I normally would have done first) the meditation, warm-up, etc, etc ,etc.

Force the action daily.

I need accountability so I will post in the comments here.  Next comment should be Thursday at 4p.m where I GET THE TABLE IN PLAY or face formidable embarassment since I already wrote here that I would play at 4p.m on Thursday and at least get in 6 hours.