A Stressful Path Ahead

This upcoming weekend I’m taking off from playing poker completely.  I’m leaving for Manhattan tomorrow and won’t be back until Sunday night.  I’m really excited to catch up with my brothers and any horrible girl that I might have met during my last trip.  Hell I’m excited to go OUT like a normal 24 year old.  I haven’t really been hard-core out on a weekend in the past month.  Maybe a few hours one night here and there, but I mean that’s it.  This is going to be a full-blown rampage, I’m quite sure my body is NOT ready for it.

However, I still have plenty of time to study poker while there.  I plan to make print outs of my full ring “guide-line” and make notes while I have 3 hours to kill each way on the bus ride.  I’ll also bring my laptop and maybe start reviewing some hand histories of the 50NL player I plan to study (probably not, but wishful thinking).  Let's be honest, most of the bus ride I'll probably just end up watching prisoners kill eachother thanks to the groundbreaking HBO series OZ on DVD.  SEASON 4 IS GOING TO GET CRAZY!!!  This is a vacation and maybe I should just cut out anything poker related as much as possible for the few days.

I won’t give up with poker.  I would prefer to die MAD going down fighting in flames while standing in the love of my pride.  At least then I could say I fought the fight.  This would be a better fate then caving to the hand of the predictable structured path.  The slow death is a thousand times worse.

Going forward with my life I feel stressed out.  I wake up and I absolutely feel the burn.  I know my time is running out to escape corporate and I have to make a move soon.  I don’t want to be miserable the next 10 years; I don’t even want to be miserable this summer.  My purpose on this Earth is not chugging along as a corporate drone.  I want to be pursuing passions and be my own man.  The prospect of being trapped in an office this summer while living at my parents scares the living hell out of me.  The office part scares me a lot more, but the combination is a recipe for me questioning:

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?”

Part of me wants to immediately bail out to Manhattan for the change of pace and life experience, plus I will be close to my brothers who are a better influence than any of my friends (or anyone I know) around here.  Manhattan is a better influence than Baltimore.  The vast majority of people in Baltimore just seem to be chugging along; they have accepted their often boring course in life.  They often admit being somewhat bored and not thrilled about what they do, but they have ACCEPTED THEIR FATE (aka any person I have met who has a “conventional” job around here).  They have never had a taste of what is better, so they never fight to escape.  I think this is why I’m miserable with my job and situation, but most people around me are in a comparable or worse situation; but are content.  I have the unfortunate experience of knowing what that “better taste” feels like, and I know one or two people who are living "the dream".  

My same age group in Manhattan seems on a different wave-length, more of the wave-length that I am on.  This is tough to explain.  But per capita I would say Manhattan has the highest percentage of people in the world who have followed their dreams to the fullest extent, and as a result their path happened to land them in that city.  For example, talk to 10 random bartenders in their mid-twenties living Manhattan.  Do you think they are living in the most expensive city in the world to be a bar-tender?  Hell no!  Most of them are a bar-tender because they want to get into acting or modeling; or something they are passionate about.  Now of course there are exceptions, but this is an accurate composite generalization based on my experience.  And I’m not saying people aren’t fighting to pursue their dreams in other cities around the globe, but I simply argue that you will run into these types of passionate people more in Manhattan.  Now talk to 10 random bartenders around Baltimore; what the fuck are they working towards?  Rarely some of them might be working towards getting a degree; BEST case scenario.  But this still isn’t a passion; it’s something that should have been done 4 years ago… 

The other part of me wants to bail to Vegas.  I would completely be alone, but this would make sense more based on my goals.  Manhattan doesn’t make sense for a poker player because it costs so damn much, but if I could get a hook-up on a place through a friend or brother that might be a different story.  Another disadvantage to Manhattan is no live casinos obviously.  Also, I’m still sort of scared to move out to Vegas alone.  Part of the reason I’m scared is because I don’t know if I’m good enough at poker yet, which probably means that I’m NOT good enough.  I need to become skilled enough; this will give me freedom on where I choose to live.  I imagine taking a live swing like I did online in March.  I would be devastated, am I really mature enough to deal with that?  I’d probably take a loss and be back to working some shit job, I could trap myself.  The bottom line is, when I do Vegas I need to be damn sure I can succeed.  Vegas is my one shot and I don’t want to go until I am 100% prepared for the absolute worst.

So I think Manhattan would be a better influence and have the advantage of knowing a lot of great people.  It could be a good move before I do Vegas (If I could get in the right situation).  My older brother could easily help me get in the right situation with rent and everything, but I’m not sure if he ever would.  Maybe I will have another hopeless chat with him this weekend.

But Vegas would be a more in line with my goals.  Poker would be the primary focus.  However, I think a pre-requisite before moving is getting online to a point where I can make enough to live comfortably anywhere in the world.  I didn’t think like this 4-5 months ago, but now I think it’s pretty essential.  If I take a bad run in Vegas I could fall back online as a steady income stream, rather than falling back to a shitty dead-end job trying to dig myself out.  A job that would be a lot worse than the job I currently have now.  LOL @ at rebuilding a poker-bankroll and paying rent making anything under $15 an hour; let’s be serious.  

It’s a lot to think about.  One thing is for certain: staying in Maryland does nothing for me, absolutely nothing.  And staying in corporate is the fucking rake.  If I stayed around this summer it would be to save money while improving with poker to the fullest extent.  It would be to get my online game to a point where I can support myself anywhere.  It would be a preparation for war.  I still haven't ruled out quitting end of May or June, but poker isn't even close yet.  I want to be making as much playing poker as I do at my current day job, it would take a drastic turn around.  Just getting back into the swing of things full buy-in micro would probably take a month.  Especially if my guide sucks.

That is all,

-bag

Letting the Month of March Die

At the conclusion of Sunday night I decided not to play again this month (that’s like 3 days).  I want to let this month die and never think of it again.

I have been thinking about the game every hour of each day pretty much even though I haven’t been playing.  Also, I’ve been constructing a general guide-line for me to start off playing full buy in 50NL.  By general guide-line it’s about 15 pages already, but yeah we will see.  The completed guideline will consist of input from about 4 sources:

1)  My personal experience from playing about 100,000 hands on full ring PokerStars.  Yeah I was short-stacking, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t watching how the top players were playing.  I still learned a lot.  And much of my preflop play with short-stacking is still applicable to full-buy in play.  Examples would be 3-betting and blind stealing.  C-betting and value betting are also areas I've improved.  Anyone who says short-stacking completely halts your poker growth is full of shit.  Yeah it halts them from taking your full buy-in; that's what they really mean.

2)  Reputable micro-stakes strategy forums (Mostly from 2+2).

3)  Input from one of the top 200NL players that I have been in touch with the last month.  He has been down the same road and conquered it.  I can run my “guide-lines” by him to make sure I’m not drastically off anywhere.  I want to continue to use him as a source.  I don’t care what the dude’s win rate is.  He has played 5 years, went through the same stakes, and has played over 3 million hands on Stars.  He knows what’s up and I’m lucky he seems to like me and is willing to talk.

4)  Reviewing the show-down history of the most winning 50NL full ring player so far this year on PokerStars.  Yes I’ve identified the lucky son of a bitch.  I think going through his hand histories will allow me to get a feel for correct plays in certain spots.  This will be the most time consuming source.  I want to review at least 50,000 of his hands.  I haven’t even started on this yet, but at least I have identified the player and know my approach.

I think this is a good start, but if anyone has any “must add” sources please drop me a comment and let me know?

That being said, this will be a massive shift.  I have learned how to comfortably 12 table short-stacking, but I need to improve on both formats.  At first I think my plan will be to short-stack until I obtain Platinum Star status for the month (7,500 VPP or so).  I should be able to hit that VPP mark in 24 hours maximum.  The rest of the time for the month should go to playing and studying full buy in.  Stars might screw with the buy-in amount and destroy short-stacking, but I have a feeling some sick hybrid of short-stacking will still exist, which I plan to use and still keep my Platinum Star for the month if possible in ANY WAY.

As for the month of March wow.  Ok in a way I am sort of responsible.  I mean if I started full-stacking at the beginning of the year I probably could have been comfortably 8 tabling and making profit by now.  But instead I choose to wallow in the 180 SNG turbos and waste a month.  Then I decide to base my poker livelihood on the likes of short-stacking two months.  When I talked to my full-ring 200NL friend a month ago he specifically told me that he did not like my course, and that I should drop to 50NL full ring.  But I’m a stubborn mother fucker and had to learn on my own.  It’s going to be strange dropping to 1 or 2 full buy in tables and really figuring everything out again, but I have to take a step back at first.

3/27/2010 Commentary Down -$550

7:30 p.m

Under way here!

8:40 p.m

16 tabling trying to keep cool…

8:45 p.m

ALL IN AK PRE 3 way all in .  DUDE HAS AA UNBELIEVABLE.  Hit the king doesn’t matter

QQ < A10 all in pre on table 11.  Of course the ace comes.  So what are we -$100 fucking EV in 20 minuteS?

9:00 p.m

QQ < AK all in pre  TURN ACE.. WOOOT!!! YEAH BABY!!

Ak < 88 ALL IN PRE I flop 2 pair and lose to a set.  You know what I don’t have time to be pissed whatever it happens like every time.  Obviously not winning that hand in this life time.   What a complete shit call with the 88 by the way; and gets rewarded again.

9:10 p.m

aK < 10 J ALL IN PRE.. HE CALLS A 4-BET PRE FLOP.   JACK FLOPS MOTHER FUCK YOU SON OF A BTICH

9:20 p.m

I have been really struggling to avoid a suck-out or win a race.  I feel like I haven’t doubled on one of these 16 tables since the dinosaurs walked the Earth.

9:55 p.m

QQ < A8 all in pre on table 4.  Absolutely brutal suck-out; a full $50 gone I should have won.  I knew it was over as soon as I saw that disgusting ace flop.

10:20 p.m

Going to break at 10:30 p.m , then regroup for a long night-cap session

Up +$24 in those 3 hours 16 tabling.  Did my job, yeah some things didn’t go right but I played fine.  Grabbing some food relaxing and trying to pump up for the next session.  Things get crazy late night.

11:00 p.m

I’m back.  I want to stick to around 16 tables for the next 3 hours.  I already have 6 selected that I was on before my break.

11:05 p.m

Flopped the flush from the BB.  Someone flopped higher.  Nice $20 stolen from me by Jokerstars.  PLENTY I CAN DO THERE.  Let me fold the flopped flush lol.  The only thing I can do there is switch poker sites.  Another disgusting cold-deck when I was just getting things going.

KK < AQ all in pre table 1.  Thanks really needed that right now.  AMAZING.  Another one of those why the fuck am I still playing on this site after getting fucked over for a month straight moments?

11:30 p.m

Just smashed a 5-hour energy; most likely going to need it.  These things give me a boast but increase my rage my about 50x.

Now playing: REO Speedwagon- Roll with the Changes. LOL.  Song is way too slow for me.

12:00 a.m

Still 16 tabling.  There’s a lack of updates because I don’t have enough time to hear myself think, much less put in decent updates.   I go to my word doc and 16 tables start BEEPING at me.

Now playing: Don’t Fear the Reaper: Blue Oyster Cult = awesome.

AK < 77 all in pre THANKS.!!!

DEF LEPPARD LOVE BITES = AWESOME

12:15 a.m

Another retarded cooler on table 8  AK < QK.. idiot hits a straight against my top pair amazing. 

12:30 a.m

JJ < KK all in pre table 5.  I squeeze play into some idiot who decided to call behind with KK on this one hand for whatever reason.  Nothing I can do there except stop playing on this site of course.

AK < 99 all in pre my signature move; get all in with a race (AK+) and lose 50 out of 60 times.  Of course the opponent will have a race but be calling with total fucking shit he has no business being in the pot with; BUT GET REWARDED OF COURSE.

You think in the midst of all the bull-shit over a month or so it would balance out, but IT DOESN’T.  It never will on this site. 

TABLE 1 FULL BUY IN GONE AQ < 55 I flop top pair he flops the set TONS I CAN DO LIKE SWITCH SITES THANKS AGAIN STARS .  At least im tracking all these hands to prove rig when I run 2 more months like this.

OH SOMEONE PLAYED 200,000 HANDS AND RAN –EV 19 OUT 20 SESSIONS THAT SEEMS NORMAL HAHA.  You wait you crooks.

Same situation same table AQ < A10 full buy in gone.  This time he flops the full house lmao wow.  I’m about flipping out right now.  I have to be down -$200 there’s no way anyone can run like this and not be down 20 buy ins. 

1010 < JJ all in pre

HEY STARS.  SEND A TEAM OUT TO MY HOUSE WITH BATS AND FUCKING SM ASH MY COMPUTER.  IT WOULD BE MORE FAIR.

I could run like a God and not recover from the bull-shit discussed above obviously.  You don’t lose 50 fucking races and coolers in a row and come back.

Time to attempt to relax, keeping getting in with the best of it and HAVE FUN LOL.  AS STUPID AS THIS SOUNDS.  This is fun right?  I mean its fucking hilarious.

88 < A10 all in  pre.  Great call with the Ace 10 hahahah.  Beyond sick.

1:00 a.m

I’ve been doom switched about 15 buy ins, which is awesome.  I’m playing fine just nothing is going right.

99 < 10 10 all in pre on table 6 I give up whatever.  Obviously never weinning another pot again.

1:10 a.m

AA < QQ all in pre.  Good one.  This has officially been the most disgusting poker experience of my life.  This entire session.  So I can’t win a race, I can’t avoid a suck-out, I get coolered every 5 hands.  What’s the point of even playing?>??

TABLE 12 AA> AJ all in pre.  IT HELD… THAT’S SOME TWILIGHT ZONE SHIT RIGHT THERE.

Then Stars tries to cooler me 2 seconds later on table 4 to piss me off.  I folded JJ pre, the asshole had KK, no thanks on the cooler.

1:30 a.m

AQ < 59 offsuit all in pre.  Can we at least pretend like the site isn’t rigged and my account doesn’t have a doomswitch on it?  Who calls all in with 59 off; oh right people who WIN WITH IT.  Wow

1:40 a.m

In the last 10 minutes I’ve been dealt QQ about 4 times.  EVERY SINGLE FLOP had an ace.

2:00 a.m

I feel a heater coming.  Like sometime in the next decade.

AK < QQ all in pre.  REALLY NEEDED THAT. 

AA < 10 J off he decided to call $12 preflop.  Why not right?

QQ < 56 ALL IN FLOP 2 PAIR

I HAVE been rigged to hell.  I might as well deposit $600 more and pretend this never happened .  wow

So play any 2 cards and any win against my QQ +

Down over $450 this session.  This is a record.  That’s over 20 buy ins I’ve been fucked tonight. 

Table AK > AQ all in pre.  Seriously?  Ok that’s one hold out of 50 thanks.

The fact is I could play 50 hours and not have this come close to balancing out.  The shit that has occurred the past few hours is unthinkable.

Table 12 dealt AA they all fold around.  I’m almost happy; better than the suckout?

2:10 a.m

JJ < AJ all in pre.. $40 MORE RAPED.  This has gone from running bad to horrific inescapable never ending nightmare.

And the best part of the night I JUST CLEARED A $50 BONUS.   So after rigging my account -$400 dollars Im given $50!!! That’s so kind!!!  Imagine someone burning your house down, but then offering you a cardboard box and saying: “So we are still cool right?”

JJ < AK all in pre RIVER KING.  I WANT TO BREAK THIS KEYBOARD IN HALF.

Whatever 500 or 600 dollars on complete screw all night.  Is it the end of my life?  No.  Am I starving on the street?  No.

JJ < QQ all in pre

AQ < KK all in pre on a blind fight

WOW

Down -$550 total

Now I can say I know what it feels like when a girl gets beaten by her boyfriend and comes back to them.   See not all is lost I’VE LEARNED SOMETHING!!!

2:40 a.m

JJ> 25 all in pre.  Awesome…..

Nut straight flopped.  He turns a higher nut straight un belivable.   Probably cutting this off soon.  I can’t take this anymore.  Just when I think nothing else can possible go worse, stars figures out a card combination to be dealt THAT’S ACTUALLY WORSE. 

2:55 a.m

Table 10 AK > 77 all in pre

3:00 a.m

I raise $4 preflop with 10 10  and someone called after limping.  I go $13 all in on the flop with overpair he turns over AA .  What a night.

10 tabling right now , but they are all fast. 

3:20 a.m

3 of the worst suck out bullshit hands in a row im done LOGGING. 

AK < AQ ALL IN PRE

JJ < JQ ALL IN PRE

AND

TOP PAIR RAPED bY gut-shot STRAIGHT

3:30 a.m

Logged down over $500.  Absolute devastation

Analyzing Some hands here, because I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t.  There needs to be some justification as to how it’s possible to lose over 20 short stack buy ins (over $500) in 4 fucking hours:

QQ < A8 all in preflop -$50

AA< QQ all in preflop -$30

JJ < JQ all in preflop -$40

JJ < AJ all in preflop -$36

AK < AQ all in preflop -$30

JJ < AK all in -$40 (river King)

QQ < AK all in -$40 (turn Ace)

AQ < 59? all in preflop -$30 (flops the nine and I don’t advance)

AK < 10 10 all in preflop -$40 (completely necessary call with your 10 10)

AK < 77 all in preflop -$40 (completely necessary call with your 77)

KK < AQ all in preflop -$30

AK < 10 J all in preflop -$25

QQ < A 10 all in preflop -$25

AK < 88 all in peflop -$35 (another stupid call rewarded)

Over pair 88 < flush draw -$28 (suck out some more)

88 < A10 all in preflop -$25 (great call)

AK < 77 all in preflop -$30 (another great call)

QQ < 56 offsuit all in on the flop -$45 (how do you even win that?)

JJ < QQ all in preflop -$35 (tons I can do there)

JJ < KK all in preflop -$35 (tons I can do there)

AQ < A10 -$70 He flops two pair against my top pair.  Total bull-shit

AQ < 55 all in on the flop (top pair against set) -$50  To the same idiot.  Does this guy work for PokerStars?

48 (hearts) < K7 (hearts)  I’m on the big blind he limps and we both flop a flush -$40.  Do I fold that because I’m rigged?

 I count the sample size of hands above and that’s -$850.  Suddenly it makes sense why I’m down so much.  Was I ok with the way I played all of the hands above?  Yes.  So fuck my life I guess.

After-math

So there basically goes an entire month worth of work put in to earn a bonus which is stolen from me in 4 hours.  For the first time in a while I’m seriously questioning where I’m going with my life, poker included.  For starters I don’t trust PokerStars at all, I haven’t for a while.  Since the middle of this month I have played around 28,000 hands on PokerStars.  Out of those hands I have ran over -$1000 EV.  That really doesn’t seem “random” to me at all.  That seems like a pretty big sample size to get screwed over so massively.  And out of those 9 sessions total I’ve run very far under EV 8 out of 9 times.  And this just includes what HEM picks up.  This doesn’t include getting coolered to hell with AK+ 8 out of 10 times during my typical session or whatever ridiculous bull-shit.  This sort of thing is not even included.

It’s come to a point where instead of being out with my friends I’m running a billion dollars under –EV every weekend and feeling quite fucked over.  Nothing really goes right for me; just like the rest of my life.   In the 6,000 hands I played in my final session (tonight) HEM claims I was down -$380 in EV.  I’m not even sure how that’s possible.  Down -$550 total.  Fucking crazy how bad that session actually went.

Meanwhile I’m constantly weighing transitioning into full buy in 50NL.  I mean on PokerStars I feel nothing matters at this point.  I’d just be getting sucked out of full buy ins rather than short-stack buy ins.  I’ve been talking to a serious grinder at the 200 NL levels, he said I can call him and ask questions any time.  So it’s good to know when I do make the transition I have someone I can call anytime who has been through the same path and conquered it.  I played full buy in 3 hours earlier today and it didn’t go well.  However, I played at a bad time and the tables seemed awful.  But I ran under EV and only lost a buy in and a half.   

Going forward I was planning on short-stack sessions to gain VPPS, and full-stack sessions to begin transitioning to full buy-in.  But a few more short-stack sessions like that and I will be pretty broke.  And things never change for me.  So I can't just keep going back in getting fucking hammered even know I feel like I'm getting in with the best situations.  It always seems like I can’t run any worse, and then I come back and somehow I find a way to run even shittier.  Whatever.  Planning to go away this upcoming weekend so it should be a MUCH needed break.

If everything wasn’t fucked enough I have to worry about PokerStars upping the min buy in on the cash tables.  This would basically eliminate any reason to short-stack I think.  Also, there is some online poker legislation that could screw online poker around June.  Maybe it’s for the better.  Going to sleep down and questioning everything.  I'm really happy this miserable month is almost over.

-bag

3.19.2010 (Preparing for War)

Another weekend of poker is approaching.  Again I’m aiming to suffer through 20 hours.  I always seem to fall short of the 20 hour mark on the weekends.  I’ll get in around 15-16 hours Friday/Saturday, but then something always comes up on Sunday.  That being said, still going to aim for 20.  It’s supposed to be beautiful and sunny outside the entire weekend, which is going to make it even more difficult.  But I will still be aiming to get in some tennis and basketball during the afternoons.  Today is also a half day at work, so I will be getting in my share of natural sunlight this weekend.

I went out last night and got completely hammered.  I really didn’t even drink that much, I just have no tolerance now that I have been going out a maximum of only once per week.  Ok let me rephrase: if I drank that much a month ago it wouldn’t have affected me.  This is good and bad.  Good because I’m poisoning my body less obviously.  Bad because my tolerance is very low, a 24 year old should be able to handle drinking a large amount of booze every once in a while.  Also I think drinking is now that much worse because my body isn’t used to handling it.  With my previous lifestyle it’s like “ok I’m used to this abuse”, but now when I go out my body is saying “WTF IS HE DOING OMG OMG”. 

I believe the human body has an incredible ability to adapt to certain circumstances, and we really haven’t begun to understand this.  An example would be Don Gorske eating over 20,000 Big Mac’s in his life time.  The Big Mac constitutes 90% of the guy’s solid food intake and he is QUITE healthy for his age.  He’s actually in better health than 90% of the people his age.  I’ve made a lot of good changes based on intense research with regards to what I put into my body (especially during the past half year), but examples like Gorske can make one challenge everything they think they know.  I could go on a few pages here and I don’t want to start rambling about health and nutrition, so I’ll just move on.

I have decided to purchase the $650 bonus on Stars for 50,000 FPPs.  I know I’m getting ripped off a little by spending the FPPs at Platinum Star level, but I made this decision because:

A)  This could take some pressure off me.

I’m getting hammered right now.  When you run this bad it stresses you out and you begin to question whether you will EVER win again.  The pressure gets worse as you have to dump more money in to ride the down-swing out.

B)  PokerStars could up the min buy-in mid April.

I originally didn’t consider this.  If Stars ups the buy-in mid April it will screw short-stacking sure.  But also I won’t be able to earn nearly enough VPPs.  Therefore, I might as well clear the bonus while I’m still clearing at a certain rate.  Who knows what will happen if they make massive changes.  This type of bonuse might be a hell of a lot tougher to clear when April rolls around.

C)  Its always better to be playing with bonus on your side.

 If things aren’t going right, there’s always that bonus in the back of your mind comforting you.  You can justify bad swings easier: “well technically that’s cutting into my bonus money; not the real money I invested in”.  You’re less likely to throw your chair across the room if you take a bad swing that cuts into bonus money, as opposed to cutting into money you directly deposited in.

Well I have a lot of work to do this weekend.  I’m going to keep these goals in mind each session:

1)  Don’t lose your temper.

2)  10-12 table Steady the entire session.

3)  Try to make sure at least half of the tables are NORMAL SPEED.

If I post future commentaries I will probably have these goals posted at the top of the page in an attempt to keep myself focused.  If I run as badly as I have been this upcoming weekend I’m going to pack up and move here:

http://bit.ly/9lSJcp

Chapingo, NL, Mexico

BAHAHAHAAHHAHAAH

=(                = (   = (   = (   = (

Could it be the most unhappy place on Earth???????

4 hours (Down -$200) There Goes the Chair

Tuesday Commentary 3/16/2010

I’m going to repeat myself like a broken record before I begin here:

Three goals tonight:

1)  Don’t lose your temper.

2)  10-12 table Steady the entire session.

3)  Try to make sure at least half of the tables are NORMAL SPEED.

AND READ YOUR EXPLANATION AGAIN YOU BLOWOUT:

“Sounds easy right?  Yeah sure……..

Since I’ve pretty much hit rock bottom with online poker these goals are essential.  I can’t get mad it’s minus EV.  I have to accept that I’m never going to win again.  I’ll lose to every two outer, and if I happen to win it’s a bonus.  I can’t keep getting mad over what I can’t control.

Instead of:

OK I’m in with the best hand….. please no ace please no ace please no ace………. FUCK RIVER ACE I’M GOING TO THROW A CHAIR ACROSS THE ROOM

TRY:

Ok I’m in with the best hand, I did my job; the outcome is irrelevant.  Take some notes and move on, REMAIN IN CONTROL OR LOG.

And the thing is I’m losing some money when I freak out, it’s a leak.  I can’t control the cards, but I can control how I react.  I need to stay focused, keep taking notes, organize my tables logically, and constantly scan for profitable tables to join (and unprofitable tables to phase out).

12 tabling steady is going to be essential.  I haven’t been organized.  Tables have been flying all over the place anywhere from 6 to 14.  Tonight I’m going to keep in alphabetically and 12.  TWO IN EACH SLOT, double-stacked on top of each other.  When a table becomes unprofitable I will pull the table, put that slot on notice and REPLACE IT. 

So if I completely lose again tonight and stick to these goals I need to be happy with myself.  EDIT: I DO have the maturity to accomplish these goals.

Number 3 is also important.  Too many fast tables are flying around.  Try to search for tables that are normal speed as a priority.  They are harder to find, but when you do find them they are worth the search.  Less stress is always better.”

9:00 P.M

Dealt AA, raise big pre.  Clown without a clue calls pre with J9 off.  He goes all in on the flop with top pair jack.  RIVER NINE.  THANKS STARS.  It doesn’t take long does it?  Long day at work trying not to fucking lose it already on shit like.  Do it again you bull-shit site.  See how fast I log and deposit on another site.

Lost another buy in with top pair.  Out—kicked by one rank higher, have to play that there no regrets fine.

Enormous 28 all in pre with AK on table 5  HE WINS WITH AA OF COURSE, one of the loosest fundamentally bad players on the table.  I didn’t think in a million years Id win that on this rigged site.  Why don’t you just come over and hit my monitor with a bat?    But I’m not unlucky right?  That’s not -EV, just total horseshit to not even have 4 outs there.

9:50 p.m

Opponent on table 4 just hung himself going to war with Q2 off.   Doubled at least one table tonight.  I have no idea where that guy gets his money, but it’s certainly not from poker.

Meanwhile All in pre table 7 QQ, DUDE CALLS WITH A10 AND FLOPS THE ACE AND TEN.  Anything else stars?  Want to come over with the bat now?

Good to know someone’s ace is getting paid off tonight, its’certainly not mine.  Sometimes is difficult to accept my AK all in pre loses every time, but someone can make that call and hit with A10 of all hands wtf.  Shutting down this commentary a bit, trying to focus.

20 all in pre table 4 with QQ… I win a race vs AK, that’s a first

5 Seconds later 99 destroyed my K8 on another table.

10:50 p.m

All in 4-bet pre with JJ $24.  Some clown calls with QK and hits the queen on the river.  That sums up the night.  What a horrible call wow.  Did he ever consider I don't know I'm more likely to have AK or AQ there?  But fish like this are so used to being rewarded playing garbage they just can’t lay it , they wont.  AND VS ME THEY WIN WHEN THEY PLAY IT.

11:10 p.m

Another full buy-in lost all in on the flop, nails one of his 8 outs on the river.  Another horrible play rewarded.

11:40 p.m

$18 all in pre with AA table 12  Holds on against QQ that’s a refreshing change of pace.

12:00 a.m

AK beaten my SIX-NINE all in pre lol I actually flopped a pair and he still gets awarded with the river straight.

12:20

Logging in 20 minutes down about -$200 I have no fucking idea how.  I made one mistake the entire night.  Again complete doom-switch.  Thanks for the 10 buy in screw stars.  Not even sure how that’s possible in 4 hours.  THERE GOES THE CHAIR.  I’m so pissed off I’m literally shaking.  Funny I really didn’t lose it until I saw the final net loss.

What can I say some people shouldn’t play poker.  Might be dropping to full buy in faster then I thought.  I’m really having trouble dealing with this.  HEM says -$135 EV for the 4 hours whatever the fuck that means I don’t really care anymore.  I’m sure if I ran normal the session would have been fine.  Back to 85 buy ins; count down to busto.

You know what I’m not even going to beat myself up over this bull-shit.  How about I go here on HEM, and let’s see SORT BY TOP 15 HANDS where I lost the most money as a sample size.  These hands account for -$263.  If I won half of these hands I would have been even for the session, because half of these hands would account for $263.  Since by -$130 sure I lost the 130, but I also add on the money I would have won if I took down the pot so that’s $263 for winning HALF these hands.  Here we go, let’s see if a normal person would lose all ten of these hands.  I’m just going to bold 5 hands I could have won, and I’ll bold one out of 3 races lost in a row.  Since someone should theoretically at least be able to hold ONE OUT OF THREE fucking races.  Also let’s bold 1 out of three coolers, because a normal person would certainly be on the lucky side on ONE of those THREE fucking coolers:

Hand 1:  AK < AA  (-$30).  Even more unlucky was the fact I happened to have a bigger stack here to lose.  Cooler hand 1.

Hand 2:  1010< AA (-$20).  This was all in with an over-pair on the flop.  I was the aggressor and he flat called pre with AA.  Also one of the looser players on the table, no way I get away from that.  Cooler hand 2.

Hand 3:  JJ<QK (-$20).  Push all in 4-bet pre.  He had no right calling this with QK shit, but river queen, thanks stars.  Let’s call it race #1, even know it’s an awful preflop call.

Hand 4:  AK<JJ (-$20).  I limped pre here trying to mix it up and trap.  Someone also limped behind with JJ.  I flopped top pair, he flopped the set.  Even if he isn’t retarded and there is raise pre same result.  Let’s call in race #2 lost.

Hand 5: 99<K9 (-$20).  I raised here pre he calls.  Flop 67 K, He checks, I bet, he calls.  TURN KING.  So now I’m thinking he must be full of shit, and end up getting all in.  Of course he hit the top pair, and I can't get away thanks to the second king on the turn.  I'd have the ability to pretty much shut it down if the turn was anything but a king.  Then again what is he check calling wtih on the flop?  He's loose and I was thinking more of a draw hand.  The king doesn't scare me all that much on the flop, figured he raises with AK, didn't know his range was K9 calling a raise pre.  Ok maybe I could get away but not really, after the second turn bet I’m already pot committed.

Hand 6: QQ<A10 (-$20).  This was all in pre as I four bet.  He of course drills his ace on the flop.  The normal person should win this what 70%+?

Hand 7:  AA<J9o (-$20).  This was all in on the flop and he calls with top pair.  River NINE. Complete b.s.  This is bolded as well.

Hand 8:  AK< JJ (-$17).  The third race lost in a row.  LET’S BOLD IT.

Hand 9:  AK < QJ (-$17).  This guy was very loose, I tried to bluff him out on the turn here betting all in $10 with ace high reading him as weak.  Of course he closed his eyes and called with top pair, weak kicker.  Fine I fucked up here, even know I’m fine with the play I made.

Hand 10:  AK < QQ (-$16.50).  All in pre 4th race lost in a row.

I should have won at least 3 of the above hands running normal putting me around normal.  Let’s do a few more just for fun, I can't leave out two of my favorite:

Hand 11:  K9 < J7 (-$15).  This was all in post, I was on the BB.  Board (5,8,9)  with flush draw out he didn’t,  I get all in on the flop with top pair and another short-stacker calls with J7 OFF (double-barrel straight draw 8 outs.  The 8 outs weren’t even fucking clean outs because of the flush draw out). Anyways Turn 3, river TEN.  Bolding this, would normally win around 70% and he had  NO BUSINESS even limping in this pre from an early position.

Hand 12:  AK<J7 (-$12.50).  All in pre.  Flop is K,8,7.  Turn 3, river TEN.  Last time I checked AK is a decent favorite to beat J7 all in pre so let’s bold this as well.

I’m about done here, just had to vent some.  I’m not sure how many sessions I can run like shit and hang on.  I need a session where I run good (God FORBID).  One god-damn session.  This has gone on long enough.

Fuck PokerStars, maybe I should seriously consider a change of sites, though I guess I'm kinda screwed over because of the FPP situation.  Then again I could always just use the FPPs to buy into 5 Sunday Millions in a row and say screw it all.  Yeah it's stupid to blame the site, but I need scape-goat.

It's also 1:30 a.m and i'll be miserable because of the loss and tired all day tomorrow.  Can't wait to see my fucking bitch of a boss in the morning.

-bag