High Stakes Downswing of August 2012

Sorry I haven’t posted much.

The past 120 composite hours of 5/10 have left me with perhaps the worst experience of my poker career.  I just don’t feel like writing about it, I’m too disgusted overall, but I’ll try here.

I got my bankroll together to a level I thought was appropriate for 5/10.  As soon as I returned from Vegas I proceeded to drop just under 6k in 120 hours.  That’s about 6 buy-ins consecutive.  My previous career worst is 14 consecutive in September 2011 at 2/5 (nothing has ever come close to that previous career worst playing live).  I've dropped 6 consecutive buy-ins live at other times playing 2/5 before.  I dropped 7 consecutive from mid-march to early April playing 2/5.  There was even a stretch during mid-May 2012 where I dropped 5 consecutive. 

So despite the horrific timing of this fucking bull-shit happening as soon as I try to move up again, it is possible.  Also the 5/10 game doesn't play a direct 2x bigger than 2/5.  It plays more like 2.5x bigger.  Losing 6k consecutive at 5/10 isn't like losing 6 buy-ins at 2/5.  Losing 6k consecutive at 5/10 is really more like losing 4 buy-ins consecutive at 2/5, which happens a fair amount.  I mean if I lose 2k consecutive at 2/5 it means almost nothing, I know that shit will swing back incredibly soon 80% of the time.

This still hurts a lot more.  Obviously I'm not used to the pure amount of money that I'm hemorrhaging, this is uncharted territory for me.  This is the territory of high stakes variance.

Unfortunately I don’t have the cushion to drop 14 consecutive at 5/10.  Well I guess I could technically drop 14k, but I’d probably be destroyed psychologically beyond repair.  Well fuck I’m not even 50% close to my career worse I guess… 

I’m mostly getting hammered by fish every session at the worst times.  Every dry flush draw gets there.   Any time I go to show-down for a reasonable pot I lose.  Doesn’t matter how slim their outs are, it hits.  It’d almost be better if I was losing to regulars, then at least I could study spots where I could improve.  But it’s hard to go back and study: “ok I 3-bet 200 pre-flop with JJ, two callers including fish, Flop 8 5 3 (two diamonds), fish shoves 350, I over-shove, regular folds.  T7s automatically drills the dry flush-dray on the river.”    

And it’s gone on like this for approaching a month straight, at probably the worst possible time, when I’m trying to move up.

To make matters worse I seem to be losing in the trenches.  I have won only 8 out of the last 23 sessions.  All of these sessions are different intervals I record it strangely, ranging from 1.5-9 hours each, but still.  I’m not even sure how often I’m honestly playing my A game at this point.  My schedule is mad fucked up.  I’m losing balance.  My social life is taking a hit, I’m miserable.

These are some points of logic that help me continue to play at this time:

1)  I try daily to keep in mind that it’s the present; I’m not running good or bad. 

2)  I try to look at the overall picture to help bring sanity to the situation.  Ok I’m getting destroyed, but if I scale back the past 180 hours total I’m just over break even playing 5/10.  I’m in a way holding my own.  It’s a very tough jump and maybe I should…. GASP…….. even give myself a slight amount of credit for not losing 8k in 40 hours, for planning out the shot and giving it my best.

3)  I’m back to even, OK.  It’s pretty much like starting fresh. PRESENT, PRESENT, PRESENT.  If my head isn’t in the present I shouldn’t even play, as hard as that is.

4)  If I drop 8k-10k from where my bankroll started playing 5/10 I think that is good evidence that I should stop playing, it’s just not my time.  This is serious money that I should be able to stabilize off of over 80% of the time.  Sometimes you're just going to idiotically run face first into that 20%.

5)  I know what I’m going to do if I fail.  It’s back to 2/5 for another long stretch.  If it looks like I’ll be stuck playing 2/5 for more than a year I can either accept the lifestyle, transition out of live poker to online, or switch career paths.  I can always walk away from the game, I'm not trapped.  The point is I'm not going to like die if I fail at this 5/10 push, life goes on....

-bag

Struggling and Trying to Refocus (8/11/2012)

The jump to 5/10 has been stressful and I'm currently struggling.  For the month I'm up $65 in only 40 hours.  Tonight I lost -$1800 and got so frustrated I left the casino after playing 3 hours.  -1k+ on a 2-outer, then I open 89s utg 6 handed and a short-stack flops a flush over flush.  Then I get over-aggressive and lose $600 more on a hand I shouldn't be in when just moving up in stakes.  The last hand had me the most upset, that one I could have controlled.

I've been trying to take a new approach where I'm never just going into the casino for a set amount of time.  I go during certain hours I think might have potential, and if it's bad I leave and try to prepare for the next "shift" that should be most profitable.

I'm not used to this huge schedule shift.  During the next three months I've decided I'm just not going to have a life at all.  No clubbing and fucking up two days out of the week and no inviting waste of time bitches to come in town for a few days.  It's going to be all poker, studying, mixed in with some working out, and if I chill it's going to be playing a video game at home or having a very chill night with friends.  I should at least be in the casino trying to find a game 6 out of 7 days per week.  And if I can't get anything going around here during the next week it's road trip time.   I just can't have a life for the next few months, there is no other way.

It's got to be all poker right now.  I'm too close to not at least give it 100% right now.  I can't cheat myself out like that.  I've been huge on balance the past year or so, but this jump is different.  I really have to give it everything I have and there is no room for error.  This stretch could have huge implications on my poker career or even life long-term.

-bag

Stumbling Into August (8/5/2012)

It's been a long frusterating, humbling past two weeks.  Since I retured from Vegas I can't win a session.  An awesome 6 consecutive losing sessions for -3.8k in 38 hours at 5/10.

The problems just never seem to end.  First, I couldn't find a game for an entire week.  When the action is somewhat good I become strangely card dead, auto dealt out of the game.  Every cbet fails, every double barrel fails, villain's are smashing the top end of their range against me.  When I do hit a value hand I'll be sure to drag a $60 pot.

And this is what seems to happen every time I take a shot at high stakes.

But I'm not ready to back down yet.  I have my finances in order.  I'm still over-rolled for 2/5 and I'm sticking to my plan.  5/10 is a huge jump, but this is the time to stay focused.  I'm not running good or bad, when I wake up it's the present.

And I don't plan on sitting in this bum-fuck city when I can't find a game or win a session.  I'm giving it another week of patrolling around here, then I'll be on the road again.  Time to make sacrifices and not have a life indefinitely.  I'm sick of this shit, year 3 is going to be a war for the better or worse.

-bag