Weekly Update and Goals (4/12/2010)

Unfortunately I had another really bad weekend on the tables.  I’ve dropped around $600 the past 7 days short-stacking, and I’ve been quite stupid about it at some points.  For example, I put in a 4 hour 24-table session Saturday, which was a big session where I didn’t beat the EV.  I ran about -$200 EV, but finished about -$300 total.  The other 2 out of 3 session I beat the EV, even know I still lost money (for example -$150 EV, but down -$75 total).   Like usual I can’t run average EV to save my life.  I have never seen anything like it.  Part of the reason I haven’t blogged as much is I’m bleeding chips and poker is really pissing me off, my commentary sessions are miserable, and it makes me sick to re-look at bad beat stories and repost them.  If the commentaries aren’t productive they can bring down my confidence.

I didn’t think it would be possible to run as bad as I have during the start of this month.  My HEM sessions analysis is hilarious; it is not looking like Christmas (red and green).  That mother fucker is all red.  I’ve ran –EV at least 10 sessions in a row.  I thought I could get to Platinum Star status for the month without much bankroll damage, but I’m now in danger.  I need about 2.5k VPPs to get platinum for the month, and then I’m switching to full buy in for the rest of the month.  I’ve debated completely dropping short-stacking because it’s gone so badly, but now I might as well finish the goal.

Putting things in perspective the -$600 is a bitch, but it’s salvageable.  I have almost 50,000 FPPs, which are worth $650 or more.  So I can pull that perspective trick and pretend I’m basically even for the month.  Whatever makes me sleep at night right?  Going forward my bankroll online is around $1500.  This should be enough to short-stack to platinum star for the month, and then switch to full buy in.  However, from here out I’m sticking to 12 tables at once when short-stacking.  I feel very comfortable playing 12 tables at once (even mixed in with a few fast).  There is no reason for me to over-due it and sacrifice EV for additional tables.  I’m going to table select and stick to 12.  However, if I drop to $1200 this month I’m ditching short-stacking and settling for gold-star this month.  Enough is enough; a man can only take so much abuse.

My studying for full buy in is going well.  Even know I lost the most I have in my life March, I feel I have also improved the most rapidly.  At the beginning of March being able to comfortably play 12 tables at once would have been unthinkable.  I even put in a 24-table session and held my own.  I’ve also been putting in the studying.  I can now put opponents on range and visual his possible holdings in my head.  It’s gotten to a point where I sometimes face a border-line situation and say to myself “based on his range, it would be idiotic for me to not push this hand”.  A few months ago I was not advanced in opponent range analysis.  Now I have range % print-outs scattered around my desk like a crazy person.

I’m trying to stay positive and not let my current online poker issues affect the rest of my life.  I have a lot to look forward too.  I’m feeling better now and I played tennis 3 hours on Sunday.  The summer is coming and RUSSIAN SEASON is approaching (will explain later).  Even if I’m stuck in corporate a months or so, I can still find the time to enjoy my life plenty.  Also I talked to one of my best friends and she is graduating in a few weeks and moving back home.  So it will be nice having her around as our paths once again cross for at least few months.

A few weekly goals to stay focused:

1.  Continue putting the time into poker.  This week I want to:

A.  Finish my range chart book for my reference. 

B.  Study and watch a video I picked up.

C.  Call my 200NL friend and talk full-buy in strategy.  Take notes and ask questions.

D.  Complete 15-20 hours of playing time.  I want to hit platinum star, and switch to full buy in this week (by Sunday end).  Also I want to profit this week (EV HELP?); that would make things easier.

2.  Complete a full week of work at my day job. 

This is still an accomplishment, don't over-look.  Deal with the grind, the money is important.  Just do your thing and leave at 5p.m, don’t let any bullshit affect you.  There are plenty of people who would happily take your b.s job and check for the week.  Another day another dollar….

3.  Keep in shape. 

It’s been nice outside, which makes this goal much easier.  Tennis is never a chore for me, I always love playing.  The gym however has always been a chore for me.  I want to stay active at least 3 nights (2 tennis matches and 1 gym night).

4.  Stay positive.

My life could be a lot worse.  I just got a glimpse of the photo of that train wreck from my last post below for example.  THAT WOULD NOT BE COOL.

Updates 4.9.2010 (Yes I’m Alive)

So the trip to Manhattan was fun, great change of pace.  I partied a massive amount in the 3 nights I was there, but it is always worth it.  My friend who lives up there was talking about how it amuses her that I always come up, train-wreck a few nights:

And then LEAVE; just like that.  She insisted that next time she would be taking me to a MUSEUM no questions asked.  I jokingly replied “can we drink in the museum?”  Sure the nights were rough, but it wasn’t all blow-out.  I went to different parks two of the days.  And we had a really nice family/friends dinner on Saturday night, which was for me the most memorable moment of the trip.

A week ago today I entered a party hosted at a bar with my younger brother around Brooklyn.  Somehow I entered with a full unopened bottle of wine under my coat, I really didn’t do a great job of concealing but the bar was pretty oblivious.  Someone probably could have walked in with a weapon and lit up the place.  At one point during the night I was on a dance floor type situation and I realized I DIDN’T HAVE A WINE OPENER.  I only had a small pocket knife on me so I decided to smash the cork into the bottle.  The result was an explosion of wine everywhere.  A good portion of my hair was saturated with wine.  So instead of cleaning it, I just slicked my hair back with the wine; kind-of like gel.  It worked out well.  I have no idea how I got back to my older brothers that night, instinct I suppose. 

Oh I didn’t get my championship ring back (the one I decided to give to some random girl I hooked up last visit that I had a great time with).  But I did hang out with her some and she assured me it was safe.  I couldn’t stay over her place for a few reasons I won’t get into, but at least I know the ring isn’t destroyed.  So the next time I visit I will obtain that ring, and when I do it is OVER between us. 

Saturday afternoon I woke up with a massive hang-over.  I still managed to go to an event at Central Park all day, but I don’t think I ever fully recovered.  That night (Saturday) after dinner I thought I was getting sick, so I just drank through it.  I woke up Sunday feeling the worst I had in a long time.  I puked before I left and felt bad on the commute back home.  Monday I woke up with a cold and have been really sick this week.  I even called out a work a day and slept 17 hours straight.  Serves me right.  The month before I went on that trip was the least I have partied in the last 5 years probably.  There is no way my body was ready to handle my behavior, but I held up somewhat better than I thought I would.  I think Friday night was the worse, I didn’t throw up or get sick, but I probably remember 30% of that night.  I remember scattered select moments, but not a linked logical sequence.  I’d remember event A and D, but God knows what went down during B-C.

It’s hard to commit any sort of time to goals outside of your day job when you’re sick.  I have been getting home this week and I’m just absolutely exhausted.  I’ve still been putting the time into poker, but I’m not in the full swing of things.  I rarely ever get sick, maybe twice in the last year.  I’m trying to take it somewhat easy until I get better.  This means not bleeding away tons of money short-stacking 15 tables at once, though I did do that once earlier this week.  Ran another miraculous -$150EV in 4 hours at the beginning of the week, so obviously impossible to turn profit there.

I’ve been putting more time into studying poker.  I’ve only played twice this week and both times I lost (one full buy in session).  I played fine; it just ended up bad.  When I start playing full buy in, I wanted to win 3 sessions in a row before I add each additional table (so I would starting at 1 50NL table and win 3 sessions in a row), but I’m not sure I have the discipline to do this.  It just feels like such a waste of time.  I’m used to playing at least 12 tables now, so dropping to 1 table and sitting there 3 hours just feels well….. inefficient.  I actually played one 50NL table this week for 3 hours straight on Wednesday night.  I lost for the session because of a full buy in sucked out.  Some clown-box shoved the flop all in with his 35s flush draw against my set and I had to call $48.  He somehow wins the hand like usual.  TURN FLUSH.  RIVER COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.  So that fucked the session for me.  I was about 70% to hold there, but whatever it’s idiot-stars, nothing I can do there.  If I win that hand I’m up about $45 in 3 hours, but we all know I can’t dodge a suck-out.  Amazing you can play a hand so horrendously and get rewarded for it.  If I played 35s with a raise preflop a gun would come out of my monitor and start shooting at me.  If I shoved it all in on the flop with a flush draw the river card would read “burn target baglife’s house down” (while the gun was still shooting at me).  I really can't buy a break, probability sucks.  So yeah it feels wonderful knowing I can sit on a single 50NL table for 3 hours and still NOT WIN money.

Back to the trip to N.Y.  My older brother just bought the most ridiculous place I have ever seen.  99.99% of people could work their entire lives and not afford anything close.  Someone famous lives under him who I will not name.  Well at least one of us made it right?  And my younger bro is still living the dream by train-wrecking around like the typical college student.  Also some good news, I figured out I still have the money lined up the help me with a possible Vegas move.  It’d be a huge help having this money set aside for a half-year of rent or so.  So any time I’m ready to go, I can go.  The money is lined up and waiting for me to take advantage of.  I should have asked for the check and kept it in my room.  That way I would have had to look at it every-day and be reminded of what I’m working towards.  I still want to get online to a certain point, but it’s good to know I can bail the hell out of here anytime things really aren’t working out.  I haven’t ruled out the possibility of moving to Vegas even if I’m not making enough to live off online, but we will see.  I have a lot of work to do the next few months.

A Stressful Path Ahead

This upcoming weekend I’m taking off from playing poker completely.  I’m leaving for Manhattan tomorrow and won’t be back until Sunday night.  I’m really excited to catch up with my brothers and any horrible girl that I might have met during my last trip.  Hell I’m excited to go OUT like a normal 24 year old.  I haven’t really been hard-core out on a weekend in the past month.  Maybe a few hours one night here and there, but I mean that’s it.  This is going to be a full-blown rampage, I’m quite sure my body is NOT ready for it.

However, I still have plenty of time to study poker while there.  I plan to make print outs of my full ring “guide-line” and make notes while I have 3 hours to kill each way on the bus ride.  I’ll also bring my laptop and maybe start reviewing some hand histories of the 50NL player I plan to study (probably not, but wishful thinking).  Let's be honest, most of the bus ride I'll probably just end up watching prisoners kill eachother thanks to the groundbreaking HBO series OZ on DVD.  SEASON 4 IS GOING TO GET CRAZY!!!  This is a vacation and maybe I should just cut out anything poker related as much as possible for the few days.

I won’t give up with poker.  I would prefer to die MAD going down fighting in flames while standing in the love of my pride.  At least then I could say I fought the fight.  This would be a better fate then caving to the hand of the predictable structured path.  The slow death is a thousand times worse.

Going forward with my life I feel stressed out.  I wake up and I absolutely feel the burn.  I know my time is running out to escape corporate and I have to make a move soon.  I don’t want to be miserable the next 10 years; I don’t even want to be miserable this summer.  My purpose on this Earth is not chugging along as a corporate drone.  I want to be pursuing passions and be my own man.  The prospect of being trapped in an office this summer while living at my parents scares the living hell out of me.  The office part scares me a lot more, but the combination is a recipe for me questioning:

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?”

Part of me wants to immediately bail out to Manhattan for the change of pace and life experience, plus I will be close to my brothers who are a better influence than any of my friends (or anyone I know) around here.  Manhattan is a better influence than Baltimore.  The vast majority of people in Baltimore just seem to be chugging along; they have accepted their often boring course in life.  They often admit being somewhat bored and not thrilled about what they do, but they have ACCEPTED THEIR FATE (aka any person I have met who has a “conventional” job around here).  They have never had a taste of what is better, so they never fight to escape.  I think this is why I’m miserable with my job and situation, but most people around me are in a comparable or worse situation; but are content.  I have the unfortunate experience of knowing what that “better taste” feels like, and I know one or two people who are living "the dream".  

My same age group in Manhattan seems on a different wave-length, more of the wave-length that I am on.  This is tough to explain.  But per capita I would say Manhattan has the highest percentage of people in the world who have followed their dreams to the fullest extent, and as a result their path happened to land them in that city.  For example, talk to 10 random bartenders in their mid-twenties living Manhattan.  Do you think they are living in the most expensive city in the world to be a bar-tender?  Hell no!  Most of them are a bar-tender because they want to get into acting or modeling; or something they are passionate about.  Now of course there are exceptions, but this is an accurate composite generalization based on my experience.  And I’m not saying people aren’t fighting to pursue their dreams in other cities around the globe, but I simply argue that you will run into these types of passionate people more in Manhattan.  Now talk to 10 random bartenders around Baltimore; what the fuck are they working towards?  Rarely some of them might be working towards getting a degree; BEST case scenario.  But this still isn’t a passion; it’s something that should have been done 4 years ago… 

The other part of me wants to bail to Vegas.  I would completely be alone, but this would make sense more based on my goals.  Manhattan doesn’t make sense for a poker player because it costs so damn much, but if I could get a hook-up on a place through a friend or brother that might be a different story.  Another disadvantage to Manhattan is no live casinos obviously.  Also, I’m still sort of scared to move out to Vegas alone.  Part of the reason I’m scared is because I don’t know if I’m good enough at poker yet, which probably means that I’m NOT good enough.  I need to become skilled enough; this will give me freedom on where I choose to live.  I imagine taking a live swing like I did online in March.  I would be devastated, am I really mature enough to deal with that?  I’d probably take a loss and be back to working some shit job, I could trap myself.  The bottom line is, when I do Vegas I need to be damn sure I can succeed.  Vegas is my one shot and I don’t want to go until I am 100% prepared for the absolute worst.

So I think Manhattan would be a better influence and have the advantage of knowing a lot of great people.  It could be a good move before I do Vegas (If I could get in the right situation).  My older brother could easily help me get in the right situation with rent and everything, but I’m not sure if he ever would.  Maybe I will have another hopeless chat with him this weekend.

But Vegas would be a more in line with my goals.  Poker would be the primary focus.  However, I think a pre-requisite before moving is getting online to a point where I can make enough to live comfortably anywhere in the world.  I didn’t think like this 4-5 months ago, but now I think it’s pretty essential.  If I take a bad run in Vegas I could fall back online as a steady income stream, rather than falling back to a shitty dead-end job trying to dig myself out.  A job that would be a lot worse than the job I currently have now.  LOL @ at rebuilding a poker-bankroll and paying rent making anything under $15 an hour; let’s be serious.  

It’s a lot to think about.  One thing is for certain: staying in Maryland does nothing for me, absolutely nothing.  And staying in corporate is the fucking rake.  If I stayed around this summer it would be to save money while improving with poker to the fullest extent.  It would be to get my online game to a point where I can support myself anywhere.  It would be a preparation for war.  I still haven't ruled out quitting end of May or June, but poker isn't even close yet.  I want to be making as much playing poker as I do at my current day job, it would take a drastic turn around.  Just getting back into the swing of things full buy-in micro would probably take a month.  Especially if my guide sucks.

That is all,

-bag

Letting the Month of March Die

At the conclusion of Sunday night I decided not to play again this month (that’s like 3 days).  I want to let this month die and never think of it again.

I have been thinking about the game every hour of each day pretty much even though I haven’t been playing.  Also, I’ve been constructing a general guide-line for me to start off playing full buy in 50NL.  By general guide-line it’s about 15 pages already, but yeah we will see.  The completed guideline will consist of input from about 4 sources:

1)  My personal experience from playing about 100,000 hands on full ring PokerStars.  Yeah I was short-stacking, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t watching how the top players were playing.  I still learned a lot.  And much of my preflop play with short-stacking is still applicable to full-buy in play.  Examples would be 3-betting and blind stealing.  C-betting and value betting are also areas I've improved.  Anyone who says short-stacking completely halts your poker growth is full of shit.  Yeah it halts them from taking your full buy-in; that's what they really mean.

2)  Reputable micro-stakes strategy forums (Mostly from 2+2).

3)  Input from one of the top 200NL players that I have been in touch with the last month.  He has been down the same road and conquered it.  I can run my “guide-lines” by him to make sure I’m not drastically off anywhere.  I want to continue to use him as a source.  I don’t care what the dude’s win rate is.  He has played 5 years, went through the same stakes, and has played over 3 million hands on Stars.  He knows what’s up and I’m lucky he seems to like me and is willing to talk.

4)  Reviewing the show-down history of the most winning 50NL full ring player so far this year on PokerStars.  Yes I’ve identified the lucky son of a bitch.  I think going through his hand histories will allow me to get a feel for correct plays in certain spots.  This will be the most time consuming source.  I want to review at least 50,000 of his hands.  I haven’t even started on this yet, but at least I have identified the player and know my approach.

I think this is a good start, but if anyone has any “must add” sources please drop me a comment and let me know?

That being said, this will be a massive shift.  I have learned how to comfortably 12 table short-stacking, but I need to improve on both formats.  At first I think my plan will be to short-stack until I obtain Platinum Star status for the month (7,500 VPP or so).  I should be able to hit that VPP mark in 24 hours maximum.  The rest of the time for the month should go to playing and studying full buy in.  Stars might screw with the buy-in amount and destroy short-stacking, but I have a feeling some sick hybrid of short-stacking will still exist, which I plan to use and still keep my Platinum Star for the month if possible in ANY WAY.

As for the month of March wow.  Ok in a way I am sort of responsible.  I mean if I started full-stacking at the beginning of the year I probably could have been comfortably 8 tabling and making profit by now.  But instead I choose to wallow in the 180 SNG turbos and waste a month.  Then I decide to base my poker livelihood on the likes of short-stacking two months.  When I talked to my full-ring 200NL friend a month ago he specifically told me that he did not like my course, and that I should drop to 50NL full ring.  But I’m a stubborn mother fucker and had to learn on my own.  It’s going to be strange dropping to 1 or 2 full buy in tables and really figuring everything out again, but I have to take a step back at first.

3/27/2010 Commentary Down -$550

7:30 p.m

Under way here!

8:40 p.m

16 tabling trying to keep cool…

8:45 p.m

ALL IN AK PRE 3 way all in .  DUDE HAS AA UNBELIEVABLE.  Hit the king doesn’t matter

QQ < A10 all in pre on table 11.  Of course the ace comes.  So what are we -$100 fucking EV in 20 minuteS?

9:00 p.m

QQ < AK all in pre  TURN ACE.. WOOOT!!! YEAH BABY!!

Ak < 88 ALL IN PRE I flop 2 pair and lose to a set.  You know what I don’t have time to be pissed whatever it happens like every time.  Obviously not winning that hand in this life time.   What a complete shit call with the 88 by the way; and gets rewarded again.

9:10 p.m

aK < 10 J ALL IN PRE.. HE CALLS A 4-BET PRE FLOP.   JACK FLOPS MOTHER FUCK YOU SON OF A BTICH

9:20 p.m

I have been really struggling to avoid a suck-out or win a race.  I feel like I haven’t doubled on one of these 16 tables since the dinosaurs walked the Earth.

9:55 p.m

QQ < A8 all in pre on table 4.  Absolutely brutal suck-out; a full $50 gone I should have won.  I knew it was over as soon as I saw that disgusting ace flop.

10:20 p.m

Going to break at 10:30 p.m , then regroup for a long night-cap session

Up +$24 in those 3 hours 16 tabling.  Did my job, yeah some things didn’t go right but I played fine.  Grabbing some food relaxing and trying to pump up for the next session.  Things get crazy late night.

11:00 p.m

I’m back.  I want to stick to around 16 tables for the next 3 hours.  I already have 6 selected that I was on before my break.

11:05 p.m

Flopped the flush from the BB.  Someone flopped higher.  Nice $20 stolen from me by Jokerstars.  PLENTY I CAN DO THERE.  Let me fold the flopped flush lol.  The only thing I can do there is switch poker sites.  Another disgusting cold-deck when I was just getting things going.

KK < AQ all in pre table 1.  Thanks really needed that right now.  AMAZING.  Another one of those why the fuck am I still playing on this site after getting fucked over for a month straight moments?

11:30 p.m

Just smashed a 5-hour energy; most likely going to need it.  These things give me a boast but increase my rage my about 50x.

Now playing: REO Speedwagon- Roll with the Changes. LOL.  Song is way too slow for me.

12:00 a.m

Still 16 tabling.  There’s a lack of updates because I don’t have enough time to hear myself think, much less put in decent updates.   I go to my word doc and 16 tables start BEEPING at me.

Now playing: Don’t Fear the Reaper: Blue Oyster Cult = awesome.

AK < 77 all in pre THANKS.!!!

DEF LEPPARD LOVE BITES = AWESOME

12:15 a.m

Another retarded cooler on table 8  AK < QK.. idiot hits a straight against my top pair amazing. 

12:30 a.m

JJ < KK all in pre table 5.  I squeeze play into some idiot who decided to call behind with KK on this one hand for whatever reason.  Nothing I can do there except stop playing on this site of course.

AK < 99 all in pre my signature move; get all in with a race (AK+) and lose 50 out of 60 times.  Of course the opponent will have a race but be calling with total fucking shit he has no business being in the pot with; BUT GET REWARDED OF COURSE.

You think in the midst of all the bull-shit over a month or so it would balance out, but IT DOESN’T.  It never will on this site. 

TABLE 1 FULL BUY IN GONE AQ < 55 I flop top pair he flops the set TONS I CAN DO LIKE SWITCH SITES THANKS AGAIN STARS .  At least im tracking all these hands to prove rig when I run 2 more months like this.

OH SOMEONE PLAYED 200,000 HANDS AND RAN –EV 19 OUT 20 SESSIONS THAT SEEMS NORMAL HAHA.  You wait you crooks.

Same situation same table AQ < A10 full buy in gone.  This time he flops the full house lmao wow.  I’m about flipping out right now.  I have to be down -$200 there’s no way anyone can run like this and not be down 20 buy ins. 

1010 < JJ all in pre

HEY STARS.  SEND A TEAM OUT TO MY HOUSE WITH BATS AND FUCKING SM ASH MY COMPUTER.  IT WOULD BE MORE FAIR.

I could run like a God and not recover from the bull-shit discussed above obviously.  You don’t lose 50 fucking races and coolers in a row and come back.

Time to attempt to relax, keeping getting in with the best of it and HAVE FUN LOL.  AS STUPID AS THIS SOUNDS.  This is fun right?  I mean its fucking hilarious.

88 < A10 all in  pre.  Great call with the Ace 10 hahahah.  Beyond sick.

1:00 a.m

I’ve been doom switched about 15 buy ins, which is awesome.  I’m playing fine just nothing is going right.

99 < 10 10 all in pre on table 6 I give up whatever.  Obviously never weinning another pot again.

1:10 a.m

AA < QQ all in pre.  Good one.  This has officially been the most disgusting poker experience of my life.  This entire session.  So I can’t win a race, I can’t avoid a suck-out, I get coolered every 5 hands.  What’s the point of even playing?>??

TABLE 12 AA> AJ all in pre.  IT HELD… THAT’S SOME TWILIGHT ZONE SHIT RIGHT THERE.

Then Stars tries to cooler me 2 seconds later on table 4 to piss me off.  I folded JJ pre, the asshole had KK, no thanks on the cooler.

1:30 a.m

AQ < 59 offsuit all in pre.  Can we at least pretend like the site isn’t rigged and my account doesn’t have a doomswitch on it?  Who calls all in with 59 off; oh right people who WIN WITH IT.  Wow

1:40 a.m

In the last 10 minutes I’ve been dealt QQ about 4 times.  EVERY SINGLE FLOP had an ace.

2:00 a.m

I feel a heater coming.  Like sometime in the next decade.

AK < QQ all in pre.  REALLY NEEDED THAT. 

AA < 10 J off he decided to call $12 preflop.  Why not right?

QQ < 56 ALL IN FLOP 2 PAIR

I HAVE been rigged to hell.  I might as well deposit $600 more and pretend this never happened .  wow

So play any 2 cards and any win against my QQ +

Down over $450 this session.  This is a record.  That’s over 20 buy ins I’ve been fucked tonight. 

Table AK > AQ all in pre.  Seriously?  Ok that’s one hold out of 50 thanks.

The fact is I could play 50 hours and not have this come close to balancing out.  The shit that has occurred the past few hours is unthinkable.

Table 12 dealt AA they all fold around.  I’m almost happy; better than the suckout?

2:10 a.m

JJ < AJ all in pre.. $40 MORE RAPED.  This has gone from running bad to horrific inescapable never ending nightmare.

And the best part of the night I JUST CLEARED A $50 BONUS.   So after rigging my account -$400 dollars Im given $50!!! That’s so kind!!!  Imagine someone burning your house down, but then offering you a cardboard box and saying: “So we are still cool right?”

JJ < AK all in pre RIVER KING.  I WANT TO BREAK THIS KEYBOARD IN HALF.

Whatever 500 or 600 dollars on complete screw all night.  Is it the end of my life?  No.  Am I starving on the street?  No.

JJ < QQ all in pre

AQ < KK all in pre on a blind fight

WOW

Down -$550 total

Now I can say I know what it feels like when a girl gets beaten by her boyfriend and comes back to them.   See not all is lost I’VE LEARNED SOMETHING!!!

2:40 a.m

JJ> 25 all in pre.  Awesome…..

Nut straight flopped.  He turns a higher nut straight un belivable.   Probably cutting this off soon.  I can’t take this anymore.  Just when I think nothing else can possible go worse, stars figures out a card combination to be dealt THAT’S ACTUALLY WORSE. 

2:55 a.m

Table 10 AK > 77 all in pre

3:00 a.m

I raise $4 preflop with 10 10  and someone called after limping.  I go $13 all in on the flop with overpair he turns over AA .  What a night.

10 tabling right now , but they are all fast. 

3:20 a.m

3 of the worst suck out bullshit hands in a row im done LOGGING. 

AK < AQ ALL IN PRE

JJ < JQ ALL IN PRE

AND

TOP PAIR RAPED bY gut-shot STRAIGHT

3:30 a.m

Logged down over $500.  Absolute devastation

Analyzing Some hands here, because I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t.  There needs to be some justification as to how it’s possible to lose over 20 short stack buy ins (over $500) in 4 fucking hours:

QQ < A8 all in preflop -$50

AA< QQ all in preflop -$30

JJ < JQ all in preflop -$40

JJ < AJ all in preflop -$36

AK < AQ all in preflop -$30

JJ < AK all in -$40 (river King)

QQ < AK all in -$40 (turn Ace)

AQ < 59? all in preflop -$30 (flops the nine and I don’t advance)

AK < 10 10 all in preflop -$40 (completely necessary call with your 10 10)

AK < 77 all in preflop -$40 (completely necessary call with your 77)

KK < AQ all in preflop -$30

AK < 10 J all in preflop -$25

QQ < A 10 all in preflop -$25

AK < 88 all in peflop -$35 (another stupid call rewarded)

Over pair 88 < flush draw -$28 (suck out some more)

88 < A10 all in preflop -$25 (great call)

AK < 77 all in preflop -$30 (another great call)

QQ < 56 offsuit all in on the flop -$45 (how do you even win that?)

JJ < QQ all in preflop -$35 (tons I can do there)

JJ < KK all in preflop -$35 (tons I can do there)

AQ < A10 -$70 He flops two pair against my top pair.  Total bull-shit

AQ < 55 all in on the flop (top pair against set) -$50  To the same idiot.  Does this guy work for PokerStars?

48 (hearts) < K7 (hearts)  I’m on the big blind he limps and we both flop a flush -$40.  Do I fold that because I’m rigged?

 I count the sample size of hands above and that’s -$850.  Suddenly it makes sense why I’m down so much.  Was I ok with the way I played all of the hands above?  Yes.  So fuck my life I guess.

After-math

So there basically goes an entire month worth of work put in to earn a bonus which is stolen from me in 4 hours.  For the first time in a while I’m seriously questioning where I’m going with my life, poker included.  For starters I don’t trust PokerStars at all, I haven’t for a while.  Since the middle of this month I have played around 28,000 hands on PokerStars.  Out of those hands I have ran over -$1000 EV.  That really doesn’t seem “random” to me at all.  That seems like a pretty big sample size to get screwed over so massively.  And out of those 9 sessions total I’ve run very far under EV 8 out of 9 times.  And this just includes what HEM picks up.  This doesn’t include getting coolered to hell with AK+ 8 out of 10 times during my typical session or whatever ridiculous bull-shit.  This sort of thing is not even included.

It’s come to a point where instead of being out with my friends I’m running a billion dollars under –EV every weekend and feeling quite fucked over.  Nothing really goes right for me; just like the rest of my life.   In the 6,000 hands I played in my final session (tonight) HEM claims I was down -$380 in EV.  I’m not even sure how that’s possible.  Down -$550 total.  Fucking crazy how bad that session actually went.

Meanwhile I’m constantly weighing transitioning into full buy in 50NL.  I mean on PokerStars I feel nothing matters at this point.  I’d just be getting sucked out of full buy ins rather than short-stack buy ins.  I’ve been talking to a serious grinder at the 200 NL levels, he said I can call him and ask questions any time.  So it’s good to know when I do make the transition I have someone I can call anytime who has been through the same path and conquered it.  I played full buy in 3 hours earlier today and it didn’t go well.  However, I played at a bad time and the tables seemed awful.  But I ran under EV and only lost a buy in and a half.   

Going forward I was planning on short-stack sessions to gain VPPS, and full-stack sessions to begin transitioning to full buy-in.  But a few more short-stack sessions like that and I will be pretty broke.  And things never change for me.  So I can't just keep going back in getting fucking hammered even know I feel like I'm getting in with the best situations.  It always seems like I can’t run any worse, and then I come back and somehow I find a way to run even shittier.  Whatever.  Planning to go away this upcoming weekend so it should be a MUCH needed break.

If everything wasn’t fucked enough I have to worry about PokerStars upping the min buy in on the cash tables.  This would basically eliminate any reason to short-stack I think.  Also, there is some online poker legislation that could screw online poker around June.  Maybe it’s for the better.  Going to sleep down and questioning everything.  I'm really happy this miserable month is almost over.

-bag