Update and One Year as a Pro (9/30/2011)

It’s been a while!
Starting with the Borgata main event, I busted out midway through day 2 (no cash). I went into the tournament thinking of it as an experience. I was happy that I gave myself the opportunity to take a shot, even if it’s only once per year. It was a disappointing finish, but yeah it’s just a tournament…
As for September, it was by far my worst monthly net result as a pro. I think the downswing peaked out around 14 buy-ins. The previous worst downswing I had was I don’t know maybe 6. I didn’t think past 8 was really possible playing live poker, but I proved that wrong. It’s tough to explain how it’s possible unless you go through it. I had a stretch where I actually lost 17 out of 20 sessions (broken into 3-5 hours each). My previous career worst was maybe 8 out of 10 losing sessions. That was a 90 hour stretch where I basically couldn’t win a session. Maybe something like 2 of the buy-ins were from playing sub-optimally, but most of it was running impossibly bad. I mean shit like getting a stack in with a middle set and the dry flush draw gets there and holds up every time. There were just countless situations where I got an entire stack in with the best of it and failed to hold up.
Things have finally seemed to stabilize during the last 10 days. I’ve won around +2k during the last 55 hours, and won 11 out my past 15 sessions (broken into 3-5 hours each). As always there were some massive suck-outs during that stretch as well, which prevented me from having a break-out session. I wonder what a single week would be like if I didn’t lose a pot when I got my stack all in with the best of it and 70%+ equity? What if I just won all three situations or some crazy bull-shit? I wonder how that feels. I think it’s becoming easier for me since I’ve never actually experienced a run good, I just never really expect it. The “poker” I know is comparable to that miserable cheating bitch of a girl-friend who always lets me down in the worst possible way.
I feel like the down-swing for the most part is over. It still has lingering psychological effects that are not completely banished. I have a shorter fuse. A few nights ago I was up over $700. In the span of an hour I proceeded to give back +$500 on total bull-shit. I played everything correctly, it was a natural fluctuation. But the point is it bothered me more than it would have before the down-swing.
I have to keep in mind that I can’t get all of September’s losses back in the span a week. I don’t run like that, and I probably never will. Math is not on my side, it’s just almost never going to happen. I may never have another swing that bad playing live. If I played 5 years it might only happen once. So as always it’s just focusing on everything one session at a time. I have to refuse to be rattled by anything on the tables no matter what happens. My bankroll is comfortable at “X”, it was at “Y” before, but I don’t need it at Y to be fine. It’s at “X” now, and Y never existed as far as I’m concerned. If I 100% get past the downswing as a stronger player and person it will be an accomplishment. Most live pros will never run this bad, so I’ve already experienced rock bottom in a way.
In other news I recently re-signed to live another year out here. So I’ll at least be here for another full year. I’ve survived a year as a pro and that’s saying something. Not only did I survive, I have several things to be proud of:
1) I moved up to 2/5 and established myself as a regular.
2) I paid all of my expenses from money I earned playing.
3) I built my bankroll to well over 60 buy-ins for 2/5.
4) I was financially stable enough to take a shot in the Borgata main event. This was the biggest buy-in tournament I’ve ever played.
5) I survived despite the Black Friday disaster.
6) 9 out of 12 months have been winning months as a pro (nice percentage). 2 were close to break even, but I got pounded during September 2011.
7) I’ve managed to keep a healthy social life outside of poker. I moved to a new state where I knew no one and now have an awesome circle of roommates and friends in NJ.
8) In comparison to my corporate life, I’m generally happier and have more freedom.
9) I’ve improved as a player.
10) I work hard to improve weekly.
I have a long road ahead, but it’s worth the fight. Hopefully my journey as a professional poker player is just beginning.
-bag
Reader Comments (1)
Congrats for one year as a pro. You are living the dream. Now, keep working on taking your game to the next level. I have long thought (based on what you have shared) that you were your own worst enemy. Now that you seem to be seriously working on tilt mgmt, I have little doubt that your game will improve. Keep grinding and good luck.