Sick (1/14/2011)

I played until 5:30 a.m last night with not much success.  This has been a really brutal down-stretch for me live.  Specifically the last 28 hours, ever since I lost that huge pot to the maniac last week.  Just have to dig down and keep fighting.  For anyone who has never ran bad live over an extended period be very thankful.  Started off last night in usual fashion not getting dealt TT+ once in 4 HOURS, still managing to finish the session +$25 lol.  That sort of card dead has become so common for me it's just normal.  It's expected.  AK one time, whiff.  Not much I can do there.  Down -$60 in 9 hours = wow.  The few hours I managed a hand or two, it didn't pay off.  Suck-outs and bad situations.

At the end of last night/morning I could feel I was getting sick in my throat.  Woke up today miserable.  About to have a light dinner with my friend.  I will force myself to put in at least 4 hours tonight if I can, but I might just sleep all night because I feel terrible.  Might have to live to fight another day here.  If I do play it's probably going to be more quota based session for once.  If I'm up +$200 or $300 i'll just leave.  I don't have 8 hours+ in me right now.  But whenever I think like "quota" I go card dead 10 hours or get hammered by some b.s something.

So yeah that's about it right now.  Did not expect to still be primarily on 1-2 mid-january, but you can't control the short-term.

-bag

Week of the Fish, Fuck My Life (1/12/2011)

Online Nightmare:

My blood is boiling, I am absolutely fucking disgusted.  Just finished up an online stretch, getting my ass kicked the entire week, down around -$480 in 18 hours total.  The last stretch online I couldn't even finish the last 30 minutes of the session.  Because I can't run relatively normal playing a nit style on 8 fucking tables at once online.  No matter what I do some horrific nightmare bullshit goes down.

Last session another maniac fucks my entire week, this time online.  We each have $60.  I 3-bet to $12 pre with AA, he calls with 8To.  Yeah hes calling with any two.

FLOP:  5, 8, 8

SHIT-TON I can do there.  Bye $120 pot.

Same retard a few minutes later flops a set against my nut flush draw.  Turn pairs the board for an auto loss.

Then earlier I'm sitting there with the stone cold nut straight with 75% equity to win on the turn.  It's all in.  RIVER BOARD PAIRS FOR THE HOUSE BABY.  There goes another $140 pot.

A few minutes later I flop a set, oh he has the miracle straight already on a 9 T K board, it goes all in.  Wait can the board pair for me?   NO FUCK no..

So that's it.  couldn't even finish the last 30 minutes, chucked my fucking head-phones across the room, I'm losing my fucking mind this week.

I have no idea how I'm going to regroup and continue online next week, but I guess I'm trapped.  Part of me wants to cash out my 5 grand something roll and never look at that Pokerstars lobby again.  It's absolute sick.  To improve so much, to drop your tables lower to focus.  Then the maniac mega-fish catches the top 1% of his range EVERY TIME.  The short-stacker wins every flip, every ridiculous bull-shit situation.  You finally flop a complete monster, the nuts, and YOU'RE AUTO-SUCKED OUT.  You finally get the good end of a cooler, HE GETS THE TWO-OUTER.  You continue to plummet as your EV hits new records of barf.  There is just no justice.

TO think around half of the population runs positive EV, while I feel lucky to run positive 1 out of 10 sessions.  My life time -EV will never balance out, I don't know how much more I can really take.

So I cut the session short.  All I can do is good to bed really pissed off and fight another day.  Somehow build the courage to put in 3 more hours and get raped by bull-shit, like a thousand times before.  Have to regroup and keep fighting here.  It's got to turn sometime, I have to stay focused.  I'm only about 40% to another SN bonus, this is a tough stretch.  I need to pull out some solid sessions, they can't catch forever.

Live:

I never really recovered after the profit loss caused by the the maniac last Thursday.  Friday and Saturday went absolutely terrible, with a small amount won.  I had my first losing live week since I've been out here, down -$200 total or whatever.  Not a lot, but pretty disgusting to think about.  Though I guess one losing week out of 12+ isn't so bad.  When it rains it pours.  Online and live this has been my worst 7 day period since moving out here when it comes to poker.  Not only from a net dollar loss, but certainly from the psychological stand-point (as seen above).  It was bound to happen eventually but whatever.

Have to keep grinding and close out a minimal amount to get up to some 2-5 games.  Amazing I'm still not at the 6k profit mark at 1-2 live.  I would have been, but once again thanks last Thursday!

Life:

Other than poker being absolute shit of late things are going really well.  I've been seeing a girl and I really like her.  We have talked or texted everyday since we met.  I guess that's an accurate description of the situation, "seeing her".  We aren't official, and I want to take things slow, but things have progressed really fast.  We have been in touch every day, and hang out whenever we are both off.  Lol ok well I mean.... when she's off I usually plan to take that day off during the week.

Tomorrow is her day off so I'm meeting at her place and we have some cool plans.  As for poker sucking, that shit stays on the tables.  What happens on the poker table stays on the table, good or bad.  I think that's a huge reason why I don't tell people anything, even when things are going good.  You are going to have bad runs, and one could always be right around the corner.  Don't jinx it by being cocky when things go well.  The short term means nothing.  It's all about whether I'm going to be able to sustain this in the long run.  Or am I going to have to crawl back to corporate in a year?

Anyways, it's really bizarre that I met this girl.  I didn't expect to meet anyone out here, I wasn't looking for it.  Just a strong connection out of nowhere that happened really fast.  She's been way to good to be true so far, I'm certainly expecting the worst!  I guess that's when something like this happens, when you 100% are not looking for it.  Hmm wonder if it's a correlation...

"More time with girl = Poker collapsing around me".

Tommorrow I'm taking off and hanging out with the girl.  Then live grinding between Thursday-Saturday.  Might also visit NY sometime within the next two weeks to visit family.  Blah blah later. Fuck online.

-bag 

Ran off of My Own Street (1/7/2011)

And this is the night that I got ran off of my own street.

It all started off well.  Up +$300 in 5 hours.  I hit my quota, my work was done.  I had my profit goal to play 2-5 the next day (a great milestone).  ALL I HAD TO DO WAS GO THE HELL HOME.  But unfortunately I'm not really a quota player.  Of course I decide to play 2 more hours at another casino..........

They have one table going, and it is one of the crazier tables I've ever seen.  Almost immediately I lose a $200 buy in with QQ< ATo all in preflop against a maniac.  He rivers the bull-shit straight.

Later It's all in with AJo, I lose to the maniac again who holds with AQ.  Another player was in with AT.

Then I chip my way all the way up to close to $500.  I'm in a massive $600 on this table, and If I leave now I'm still up on the day about $200 (despite the $100 loss on this particular table).  But I don't.........  The maniac is there and I want another hour with him.  I was going to play another hour anyways.

We get down to 4 players.  I 3-bet to $50 pre-flop with JJ to isolate the maniac.  He jacks it up to $300 total, stupidly throwing in 3 black chips total.

I've played with him a while, he's making this play with a huge range.  And it's not a lot to him because he has over $1200 behind him (this has been the luckiest night of his life).  He also just lost a moderate pot the hand before.

And this is the moment, all in or fold?  We only have 4 handed right now, and I know I have to have his range crushed.  I think about it a few minutes or so.  I can fold out, leave with around $450, and call it a night up $150 or so.

"Can I afford to lose this pot"

I think to myself, yes I can.  I have to have his range here.  It's a range play.  My mistake was leaving the stack on, but given the situation I have to make the move.  And what if I lose?  Then my night is fucked, it's the worst loss I've had out here, and it's back to 1-2 another fucking month or whatever.  And who cares about 2-5 anyways?  This is a 2-5 table on crack.  This is my shot here.  It's no different then if I hit a maniac on a 2-5, played his range, stacked, and lost $300 or whatever.  Think about the situation at hand.  Do you have his range?  Absolutely yes....

I count up.  It's $250 more to call his raise, and I have about $150 more left.

After thinking it over I go all in.

He calls fast (like usual)

He turns over AA

AA vs JJ, I'm totally fucked.

Board

Q T 4 Q 8

No help.  

Ran off of my own street....

And this has got to be a lesson.  I'm not going to beat myself up over the range play against a psycho maniac 4 handed when he's making the same move with 22+, ATo+.  The mistake was leaving the stack on and letting it get to that point.  But I think every poker player has hit a point where they are taking a shot somewhat out of there comfort level.  If not every poker player would stay on the same level and never progress.  And this was a bit of a shot for me.  And I got fucked up.  Maybe next time I take somewhat of a shot it will work out, maybe not, whatever.  The guy was just as likely to show up with 88.  And tomorrow it's back to 1-2 for god knows how long.  I now need +$450 to enter a 2-5 game thanks to the -$300 loss tonight.  It could take a night to make that, it could take 2 weeks, I could enter a downswing, who the hell knows.  But I don't see this as much different then entering a 2-5 game and taking a bad loss right away.  It happens.

And now I have to go to bed and prepare for a long two day grind.

This was a week where I was almost fucking king..... almost.  I had my 1-2 profit mark beat, I was ready to jump into 2-5 and crush.....

Then the maniac psycho fish stacks me three times.

I met the "girl of my dreams" and she seemed totally into me.  Tonight she forgot to call me back.  It's one night and the language barrier is somewhat there, but yes.  She said she would call back earlier and didn't.  So whatever.

Going forward with the girl, this is hard, but I'm just going to be happy I was able to meet someone I was so attracted to, and she was into me, even if it wasn't for long, even if it doesn't work out.  I can look back and say, I had the hottest girl ever and she was on me like fly on shit, even if it was for a week.  Even if she has some ex come back in her life tomorrow and never talks to me again.

It meant something, it really did.

Besides she's hot, but I'm not a bad looking guy either.  So what if it goes to shit?  I had the moment and proved I could pull it.  That's better than most.  So it's off to the club in another week if need be, or whenever I want.  If I'm hell bent on finding a girl to ruin my life another week sure.  But I really don't need it, I can survive without it.  I seem to meet someone every time I go out around here anyways.  It's not all luck.  

That's all, fuck my life lol.  Regroup town tomorrow.

-bag

Mostly Girl(s) and Poker (1/6/2011)

Girl:

It’s 3:30 a.m.  I just got back from a date, it’s too late to start a session, but too early to go to bed.  The date went really well.  I happened to go out to a club Saturday and I hit it off with a girl I met immediately.  Instantaneous strong connection, not just any girl.  She is incredibly attractive, and seems amazing.  It’s been texts or calls every day since we met, and she stayed over past 3:00 a.m tonight.  It seemed like she really wanted to sleep over, but I mean it’s a second date?  She feel asleep a few hours in my bed with me, lost track of time, and reluctantly decided to leave.  She probably didn’t want me to think she was easy or something? (ridiculous I know).  Or maybe she didn't want to jump the gun on things becuse yeah we haven't known each-other long, I guess it would be kind of odd to sleep over a dudes house that you've known a week.  Or maybe she just wanted to get the fuck out of my house, but decided to act like it was killing her to leave! 

Who cares anyways.  Whatever she has to do.  As for the not rushing into things, I would never even hint at pressuring someone into doing something they’re uncomfortable with.  I’ve dated a girl for 3 months+ without having sex before, so she has no idea lol.  Oh I can play that game.  I have more self control then any girl I’ve ever dated, that’s for sure.  Why?  Because I trained myself to be able to survive without sex for extended periods of time.  Most people can't do this.  In my book pretty much any really attractive girl has never come close to this sort of level of self control.  Why?

An attractive girl always has sex readily available at any waking moment, where the male does not.

It's incredibly easy for the attractive girl to have sex whenever, so why not take it every once in a while?  It's enjoyable what the hell right?  I don't fault them getting laid a lot, we would probably all take it.  I'm just stating logic here.  Keep in mind the really hot girl is getting hit on 50 times a week without doing anything.  If you got hit on by 50 girls per week how long do you really think you could possibly go without having sex?  One of them is going to slip the fuck through right?  And this girl I've been seeing is REALLY attractive (I'm damn picky), so I know what I'm getting into.  Just saying, even a really attractive guy at least has to work for sex.  There are plenty of attractive guys that don't get laid much, but girls?  Yeah right.  bahaha ok anyways.....  I have more self control probably we get it ok great job baglife.

And this is something I really did not see coming living out here. 

Is this where my life gets ruined?

This usually happens.  You’re completely contempt not even looking to meet anyone, and then it just happens out of nowhere.  They are attracted to you being carefree and happy.  BOOM it slams you out of nowhere.  They generally stick with you until your carefree/happy spirit is ruined and then move on to suck the life out of another host.  Wow am I bitter much lol?  Yeah I've had a rough past relationship.  Please read this paragraph at a joke, but this sort of logic lingers somewhere in the back of my mind.  It's just hard to break.  Even with this new girl I'd 100% give her a full chance and not judge on the past, just rambling now....

Anyways, I really like this girl.  100% dating material (between this blog and myself), man I haven’t said that in a while.  I mean I thought I would just grind out in the shadows like a vampire a year and then take it from there.  I wasn’t going out of my way to try to meet someone, I honestly didn’t account for that variable to enter my life.  I’m not really sure how a relationship would work out.  I told her I play for a living, and have a crazy schedule, but she definitely doesn’t fully understand it (which is fine, as long as it’s not a moral issue).  Hell, I don't understand the 9-5 thing, and I've been there and tried it for 3 years.  So we are on the same page with not understanding.  Anyways, I can mix my schedule around and definitely take off Wednesday and another random day per week, but yeah we will see.   She’s worth doing whatever it takes to make it work, if she happens to keep wanting to see me that is lol.  Though, I get a really strong vibe that we both feel the same way (view the other as dating material and want something at least semi-serious), I can tell.  Though there's a 5-10% chance I'm wrong or some random ex comes back into her life or something stupid.

My life was an impossible balance with corporate and a relationship.  It was impossible balance with poker and corporate.  And with corporate, poker, and a relationship it was absolute hell on earth.  It's only tolerable with 2 out of the 3.  But if I'm focusing on just one I'm maximizing the one variable to it's fullest potential.  The past 3 months it's been all poker.  But I don't have an excuse from running from a girl I like this much, I have to give it a shot.  Poker and a relationship is possible right?  If I really want this girl I have to make room for poker and a relationship?  It's not like I go out much out here anyways.  I can definitely make time for her and would want to.  

Poker:

I logged 16 hours online during Monday and Tuesday.  I really feel like I’m making progress. The last 5 hours of Tuesday’s session I comfortably 10 tabled with confidence.  I finished the 5 hour stretch just over break even, but the comfort was really there.  Going forward I want to keep it as close to 10 tables as possible.  I really have to start making a push online.  4-6 tables at once is sort of pointless.  If I’m having a bad stretch I can always drop an hour or two.  But with the bankroll I want to keep pushing.  I’m not going to rush into anything, but yes I’m very much going to be pushing myself during the next few weeks.

Also about to kick off my live stretch of the week.  Right now I’m on the verge of a nice milestone which is +$6000 profit on 1-2 tables.  I set my move up to 2-5 level at +$6000 profit, so once I clear $220 more I can move up with my goals reached.  It’s been really hard to not enter 2-5 games during the past month, the burn has really been there.

So that’s it.  I guess it’s back to the grind tomorrow live.  I’m not sure what’s going to happen with uh let’s call her Jessica lol.  I want to see her as much as possible right now, but I obviously have to keep grinding live.  I think it may come down to a point where it’s like “ok what two nights do you want to hang out during the upcoming week?”  Then I can just plan my schedule accordingly.  We just met and I really like her so I may be willing to ditch cut a session sometime between Thursday-Saturday this week.

-bag

Checklist before my next Session (1/4/2011)

Before the next online session:

1)  Keep it around 4-6 tables to start.  If you grind up some money or feel very comfortable add to around 10.  If not log in 2-3 hours.

2)  Focus on quality over quanity for next session. 

3)  Focus on attacking fish.

4)  Don’t stack off to nit regulars.

5)  ENERGY.  Either natural or unnatural.  Last session I was dragging, seriously out of it.

6)  Review all the big pots you lost from the 2 hour -$100 session earlier.  See if anything could be done differently (besides not running AK into AA 30 times)

7)  Minimum 6 more hours tonight.

8)  Don't get angry and chat remains off. 

9)  Just expect that the top 1% of the range will be awarded across 10 tables to the villain regardless of whether he is a solid reg or a 50/25/10 bomb.  Just expect it's going to happen like every session and save yourself the hassle of getting mad.  Nothing you can do when it does.

10)  Text back your date for tomorrow!  So –EV……