MIND-BLOWN: Down -$157 in 3 hours (5.19.2010)

Sometimes it’s just not your night.  Or for me on PokerStars it is NEVER GOING TO BE my night.  The absolute trainwreck bull-shit continues.  My blood is boiling right now.

I really don’t know where to start or why I am even writing this post in such a shitty mood. 

Started off brilliantly.  I open on the blinds with JJ.  A standard complete fucking nit regular jams me $20 all in.  After thinking a while I determined I just had enough equity to call on his range.  My overpair fails against AA OF COURSE.  I mean what other hand what he have?  It couldn’t be AK , AQ, TT, 99, complete shit, I don’t know whatever.

Shortly after my KK is somehow demolished as an opponent holding TJ flops T,T, J.

Then a full buy in lost QQ < KK all in preflop.

Then my KK is HAMMERED by two outs as the all in 33 preflop catches a miracle set.

Then another massive suck-out as clown-box plays A8s.  He flops  a lucky set, and hits an even luckier flush after being all in on the flop.

THEN THE BEST PART.  I lose two full buy ins FLOPPING SETS within the span of 5 minutes.  The first I’m all in with 88 on a 9d, 8d, Ts board.  The guy is holding JQ OFFSUIT.  Of course it holds.  AGAIN what else would he have??????   The dude with a 34% fucking VPIP.

The next kick in the face was epic beyond belief.  I price in preflop with 66 for a set mine.  Flop comes 6s, 5c, 3d.  I’M HOLDING 66.  All the while thinking this should be funny, let’s see how I lose another full $40 pot.

So we go all in on the flop:  turn 7s, river 9s.  At this point I know he has something ridiculous there is just no way I hold in a pot like this.  SURE ENOUGH HES HOLDING 44, for the fucking straight.

HOW YOU LOSE $160 more in 3 hours with $20 buy-ins:

-$40  AQ < QK all in on the turn.  I'm holding a dominating top pair with 74% equity, but he rivers the miraculous straight.

-$36  TOP SET 66 < 44 all in on the flop.   80% equity raped.

-$30 KK < 55 all in preflop.  Another 80% equity LOST.

-$40 QQ < KK all in preflop.

-$40 JJ < AA all in preflop.

-$40 88 < JQ on the flop.  Hit’s the top straight against my set and holds.

-$30 AK < TT all in pre.

-$30 AK < JJ all in pre.

-$25 QQ < TJ  He flops trip jacks.  Yeah plenty I can do to get away from that hand!

- $25  JJ< A8s .  Sucked out by the flush-draw.  SWEET!

So win 4 of the hands above and the session is completely salvageable.  Win the three 80% equity hands and win one coin-flip and the session is around even.  Win 6 or 7 out of the 10 above hands like any super-user who has played a million hands on Stars and suddenly YOU’RE A WINNER BABY.  Can I play any of the hands above different?  I could have maybe hero folded the JJ, the guy was that tight.  It's an unthinkable move that no other short-stacker can really make, but thats about it.  Maybe fold the QQ all in pre because my account is rigged?  Maybe fold the KK pre because I know 55 will catch?  Are we serious?

Could have should have would have.  The story of my last 2 months.  I  have ran -$4,200 EV in 175,000 hands, and that’s by HEM standards, that doesn’t even include QQ running into KK 50 fucking times during a week.

So that’s it great night here.  Not sure how I’m ever going to dig out of this hole.  I feel like I could play an entire year on this site and not have this luck balance out.  I’m currently 62% to Super-nova so I feel I’m kind of trapped pushing forward on this rigged ass site.  I have to relax and get over the past, but I’m having a hard time.  Each miserable session just brings everything back.

Future generations are going to me as a case study on variance.  THE MOST UNLUCKY MOTHER FUCKER ALIVE HERE HE IS.  He can’t play 170,000 hands without running anywhere near the average during any 10k interval.

So I’m done.

SORRY SORRY SORRY.

What a horrible unproductive post.

Fuck my life.

AND LOGIC:

I AM ALREADY DOWN -$1,150 on this month.  If I save all of my FPPs here on out I have figured out what I will clear when or if I do ever hit Super-nova.  It’s going to be around $2900.  So if I lose another $1,000  I’m still profiting +$750 for that time span.  If I lose -$1,750 in that time span I break even.  How do you could you lose $-$1,750 in that time span?  How do you put so much time into your game and not at least break even?  Well leave it to me, I will find a way as always.

If I lose $1,750 in that time span I break even and move on with my life.

If I lose $2,500 in that time span I lose $750 and I move on with my life.  Great $750, that's what I should be paying rent anyways.

If I break even I gain +$1750 during that time span.  That is more than my day job and I can fucking quit.

If I PROFIT during that time span I am golden.

It’s salvageable, but I can’t keep running like I have been or I am completely fucked.  This -$200 in 3 hours bull-shit has got to end.  It is unthinkable.

Going out tomorrow night and getting wasted on a Wednesday screw it.  I’m not playing another god-damn hand until the weekend where I’m going to put some massive volume in.  Hopefully I can find my sanity by then, this absolutely sucks.

Well done on that confidence building comeback session!

EDIT 5/19/2010 6:00 p.m-  Please ignore this pathetic bitching of a post.  This is what can happen if you're in a horrible mood and not mentally prepared to take a really bad run.  Also, the calculation of the $2900 is massively off, proving just how unclearly I was thinking at the time.  I'm still on track here and have to stay focused.  I'm going out tonight, but I will be back for the weekend war.  Not even close to giving up.

-bag

Barely Surviving- Life and Poker (5.17.2010)

I am just barely surviving right now.  My weekend schedule has unfortunately come into direct conflict with my day job on Mondays, this is a reoccurring theme.  I usually tend to stay up around 5:30a.m on Saturday.  That’s great until Sunday night rolls around and I can’t get any sleep.  The past few Sundays I have fallen asleep well past 3 a.m., and forced myself awake around 6:50a.m.  It’s a combination of going to bed late the night before and also having so much on my mind to a point of being restless.  This really is something I have been able to adapt or get used to, I usually just suffer through Monday, go to bed early, and my schedule returns to somewhat reasonable on Tuesday.

Sunday I was going to put in a session from 7:00p.m-10:00p.m or so.  I ended up getting into somewhat of a groove bum-hunting and didn’t end the session until 2:00a.m.  I actually had fun playing for once and netted around  +$250 in profit, so a rare win was nice.  Even when I went to bed I don’t think I fell asleep for another hour and a half.

Last night’s session represented a glimpse of hope I think.  I’m hoping to build off the session and start a comeback.  Other than that the last week has been absolutely miserable.  Even with eventual rake-back I’m still down around $400 for the month.  My luck hasn’t changed at all, the EV downward spiral continues, and so does the nightmare. 

Going forward I’m going to try to break down some individual sessions and post updates on here, even if the updates are short.  I think it will be good to have to “answer to someone” during this ridiculous losing streak.  I don’t feel bad about the way I’m playing.  If you lose 7 out of 8 times when you are all in with 70% equity + and 8 out of 10 coin flips there is really no escaping a doomed session.  It seems like every session goes like that for me.  Even last night with the big win I lost 3 full buy-ins all in against two-outers, so nothing I can do there.

I’m still shocked with regards to how un-realistically bad short-stacking has been going for me.  Hopefully I can pull together a profitable stretch soon.  I would say that the tides just have to turn eventually, but I know all too well that statement isn’t true for me.  I could just keep running like shit FOR 200K MORE HANDS, so what the hell can you do?  I guess stop playing or just keep getting all in while every two-outer, 4-outer, suck-out, cooler, and coin-flip under the sun destroys you.

One adjustment I’m going to make is gradually phasing in the tables during the next week as I play.  Some sessions over the weekend I played well over 16 tables at once and got hammered.  Yeah I’ve been eternally doom-switched, but I need to minimize the variance.  I need to make sure I don’t kill myself pushing for Super-Nova status.  Swinging 200 dollars on 20 tables to gain a measly 1k VPPs will obviously never be worth it. 

So this next week I’m capping at 12 tables, I have no idea why I got away from that rule I set in the first place.  I also plan to start with around 6 of the worst tables I can find, while looking for bad players to stack up and go after.  This is one area I’ve seemed to do well in when I focus on it.

Updates, Corporate, and Life (5.13.2010)

Haven’t been in much of a writing mood of late I suppose.  That combined with being really busy, and not putting in solid sessions since the weekend.  I've only logged 5 hours this week and have ran like unspeakable shit like usual.  However, I plan to put in at least 6 hours tonight so I will hopefully be able to throw in an update or two sometime during the next few days.

I’ve decided to go out really hard Friday night for a b-day celebration, so tonight will replace my normal Friday night session.  Even know Friday is going to be a crazy good time, I feel like half of Friday is me apologizing to my friends for not being around.  I set a place I will be at all night, which gives everyone a chance to see and catch up with me.  I’m looking forward to catching up and having a great time.

In other incredibly boring news my hard-drive is in the process of failing on my primary machine, so that has a chance of completely screwing up poker this weekend.  I already ordered a new one to put in a few days ago, but I’m not sure exactly when it’s going to arrive.  I’m terrified it’s going to fail during a big session.

Corporate Interview:

I’ve been interviewing with my company internally during the last week.  At first I nearly forget why I even bother going on interviews.  Sometimes I just apply for positions, and they will get back to me a month or two later.  If poker goes well I fully expect to quit as soon as possible, but I guess it’s sort-of a “why-not” situation while I’m trapped here anyway.  During the past few months I’ve actually had some fun screwing around on interviews because I usually don’t care what-so-ever.  I usually see right through their bull-shit and know right away if it’s even worth going after.  If they ask me a stupid question I will happily throw it right back in their face.  I enjoy responding to questions!  Some examples:

Q1:  “What is the most unfavorable characteristic in relation to your current position?”      

I’d have to say the lack of NATURAL SUNLIGHT is the most unfavorable characteristic to me (while stopping myself from commenting on the poorly designed sentence).

Q2:  “And what would you say your biggest professional weakness is?”

I enjoy the humor in being brutally honest.

Q3:  “Hmm you graduated from X University, I’ve never heard of that before…..”

THAT’S BECAUSE I MADE IT UP!!

(Ok the school I graduated from changed its name a few years back, which is confusing.  But I mean isn’t this one of the first things you would look up when reviewing someone’s resume????  Have you ever Googled something in your fucking life?  What would you say you here again?  Do you not confirm that people are putting real schools on their resume before you agree to waste your time interviewing them?  But I forgot that’s one of corporate's biggest “professional” strengths: WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME.)

Q4:  “Couldn’t help, but notice Poker Theory on your resume…..”

My Answer:  Yes it’s certainly a hobby I’m passionate about and have devoted a lot of time too (while thinking YEAH it’s my only chance to escape this bull-shit, if it doesn’t work out I may have to prove myself to clowns like you my entire life for shit pay and zero freedom).

But anyways, I will say that the job I have been currently interviewing for is the most promising position I’ve come across during my 2.5 years here by far.  I had 4 interviews Wednesday that lasted 4 hours total.  I would give myself a 2.5/5 on the first interview, and a 5/5 on the other 3 interviews.  I stumbled a little on the first one, but that’s the way it is.  It will probably cost me any sort of chance, because I’m sure there are candidates who nailed every interview and not just 3 out of 4.

The team leaders were alright and it didn’t seem like a bull-shit position; the group is Finance and does a lot of bottom-line analysis across the board.  The group also seems to be passionate about getting the right individual in place, and giving him a chance to prove what he is worth.  I heard from an internal source that they have it narrowed down to 20 applicants (including me) and are looking to fill 8 positions.  I also heard half of the 20 are outside applicants, and they are leaning more towards hiring internal candidates who aren’t completely clueless.  In a week these types of positions get hundreds of qualified resumes from the outside partially because the economy is just that bad right now.  There are people out there (especially my age) who would kill for an opportunity like this.

A year ago I would have been absolutely thrilled to even be considered.  This would have been just what I was looking for, an opportunity to get my foot in the door with a serious department.  I would have been willing to bust my ass for years to make a name for myself in the company and move up the ladder.  Now it just doesn’t matter as much to me.  I’m sort of done with this place either way.  I know the sacrifice and effort I would have to put towards this position, and honestly my heart really isn’t there.

I’ve been over this before.  I see the time and sacrifice that would be ahead, and the end result DOES NOT add up to me.  So let’s say I give 2-3 more years of my twenties to this place?  Really?  Is that what being 25-28 years old is all about?   Maybe by 28 I can be raking in 50k+ per year if I completely give my soul, besides it’s a “GREAT” company!  Maybe by my thirties I can be making 80k+ if I remained extremely focused and was extremely lucky!  But the more I advance here, the more trapped I become.  The more I will be unable to survive without the parasitic corporate relationship, and this scares the living hell out of me.  And besides the money what else would I be sacrificing the best years of my life for?  Absolutely nothing that’s what.  And I see no other benefit besides the blood money.  I wouldn’t be doing what I was really passionate about, and I still wouldn’t have the freedom I want, so what is the point of entering such a doomed situation?  If I had to support a family this would probably be a drastically different discussion, but I don’t have a family.  A family is a laughable concept for me right now.  I can’t even imagine having a GIRLFRIEND right now.  How can I make someone else happy when I myself am not in the least bit happy with where I am in life?

And that’s part of the reason my last serious relationship failed, but at least I understand that now.  We loved each-other, but it was just impossible from a stand-point of even our goals (Mine being finding my freedom and purpose, while hers being a very serious relationship and a family).  And do I regret not committing 100% of my time to a relationship and a 9-5 job?  It would be a nice life for many, certainly a stable life, but not a life I would truly be happy with.  Sometimes I will miss certain aspects, but regretting it I absolutely can’t.  Yes I sometimes miss a cute girl wanting me, caring about me, and thinking about me every day.  I sometimes miss the comfort of meeting up for a night.  However, I don’t miss the impossible balance of a relationship, real goals, and a full time job.  I don’t miss the obligation of having to commit X amount of time to one person each week, or it’s unacceptable.  I don’t miss the bull-shit and games.  I don’t miss having to choose spending time on my girl-friend, my friends, or my goals; and my choice being taken extremely personally by you know which group.

Anyways the JOB.  I’d rather be putting my soul into something for ME, not a corporation whose purpose is to suck-dry and exploit me for profit (like the last two years +).  Besides there are plenty of poker players out there right now who are my age, not any smarter, not any more talented, and are making well over 50k per year with the freedom they want.  They just happened to be in the right place at the right time and worked towards their goals.  I will not be lured by the wrong carrots here and I’m keeping my priorities in mind.

That being said if they did throw out a laughable offer of 40-45k per year I might accept the offer, but plan on leaving as soon as I figure out poker.  I’m not sure if it would even make sense to accept an offer if I was leaving in a month or two, but it may be a back-up plan until I find my stride online.  I’m looking at the worst case scenario, what if I bust my ass playing poker the next month or two and I’m still not earning an average of more than my day-job?  Then what?  Well the “what” would boil down to three choices:

A)  Give up on poker and sell your soul to corporate.  Also, start looking to start a family! (yeah right)

B)  Keep a corporate job to fund online poker until it takes off (no matter how long it takes).  If this is my choice then accepting a job offer wouldn’t be so bad. 

This is where I am in life right now.  This really isn’t an area I have a time-line on.  I’m hoping for a 1-1.5 months, but at the same time I have to look ahead if things are going really bad.  What if it took 4 months?  What if it just NEVER happened for me?  Then I’d feel pretty foolish if I didn’t accept that job offer.  Yeah my life would suck with the job, but it would suck even more being an unemployed LOSING poker player.

C)  Set a stop date to quit regardless and move to Vegas.

My confidence would be pretty low not getting online to the point I knew was possible.  But I do have confidence to beat the live games, so this is always something to think about.  Grinding it out live for a living would be better than a day job.  It would suck being alone, but hopefully it would push me that much harder to hit my goals.  Besides, I’m alone now I just like to kid myself.  My friends, family, etc, etc would miss me when I left, but their lives really wouldn’t change a whole lot.  I think they would get over it quickly!

That turned into a really long post and I did not expect that.  But it’s my blog so I can ramble all I want.

-bag



Wednesday Session (5.5.2010)

Time:  5 hours (8:45 p.m – 1:45 a.m)

5-Hour Energy:  1 Bottle:

Tables: 12

Net Loss: -$184.00

Hands Played:  3,197

Music of Choice:  TRANCE

WENT to Sleep:  4:45 a.m (5-hour energy plan gone horribly wrong)

Woke up for the day job @:  7:00 a.m

Schedule:  SCREWED

Mood:  Moderately unstable.

Well it didn't take long to start playing 12 tables again.  Everything came back at once.  Though the adjustment's were in place it really didn't matter much during these particular 5 hours.  I still lost enormous suck-out hands that I should have held in a few spots, which demolished any chance I had.

So uh how did I lose another 9 buy-ins?  For starters I will say I felt comfortable playing tonight.  I thought I played well but ran like shit the entire 5 hours.  I remember at the end of the session being scared to look at my ending bankroll thinking, OK JUST DON’T BE UNDER -$200.  I felt like I was down around -$200 so I just accepted and sort of dealt with it.  This is the least angry I have ever been losing -$184 in 5 hours, so I guess that’s an improvement?  I might as well get used to it sometime, this has been going on well over a month.

HEM claimed I was down -$102 in EV for the session, that is sadly pretty normal for me.  Also there were a few brutal coolers that HEM didn’t take into account, so I ran worse than -$102.  The session actually would have been much worse if I didn’t pull off a bum-hunt and slam someone for an +$85 pot.

So some hands:

QQ < 99 all in preflop.  -$44

81% to win there preflop.  Or on Pokerstars I mean 10% to win there pre flop.

KK < AQo all in preflop.  -$44

I was 72% to win there, but I absolutely expected to lose that.  I was up against a regular short-stacker who plays 24 tables at once who has some serious profit.  I expected to lose not because he was better than me, but because he runs like a God and sucks me out in every situation like this.  It’s like he is rewarded on bull-shit plays like this because he’s played a few million hands or whatever.  It’s unbelievable how many leaks he actually has.  So open 2x BB to $2 pre on the button.  He then pops me $6.50 pre-flop from SB with AQ off.  The BB folds, and I then push to $35 all in pre.  He instant calls the final $15.  It must be nice to have an unlimited bankroll and the support of Poker-stars.  So the clown flops TWO QUEENS on the flop as expected.  Turn ACE, ok I get it AQo is a better hand than KK all in pre.

QQ < AJ and AQ all in pre.  -$35.

74% to win there pre-flop, but I just can’t hold to save my life.  Flop comes ace and I’m dead in the water.

Notice these first three suckouts already add up to a net  $120 lost.

JJ < AQo and AJo all in pre flop.  -$57.

RIVER COMES QUEEN.  The AJ wins with a straight!

AK < TT all in pre.  -$44

AK < 88 all in pre.  -$36

 TT < QKs all in pre.  - $30

Do you know what would happen if I called an all in pre flop bet with QK suited?  A TWO HEADED DRAGON WOULD SMASH THROUGH MY WALL, DEVOUR ME, AND BURN MY FUCKING HOUSE DOWN.

JJ < 99 all in pre.  -$17. 

82% to win pre flop.  These $20 2-outer suck-out pots add up.

AQo < QQ all in pre-flop. 

Holy shit it’s a hand I was behind pre-flop!!!  Was only 30% to win there.  I thought he was making a move on the blind, it’s a standard push there with AQ.  This guy was a complete rock, but even rocks have to make moves on the blind against opponent’s who steal often.  Also, I thought my equity was at least 40% based on his range.  But I could have mis-read his range of 3-betting 8%.  I only had 200 hands on this guy tracked, but tough hand either way.

JJ < 45s and QQ all in pre. -$68

Must be nice getting dealt QQ in that spot.  This is the kind of bs that HEM doesn’t calculate in it’s EV.

77 < 9Ts all in pre.  -$20

Call a $10 all in open raise pre with 9Ts, why not?

AK < AQ off and 77 all in pre.  -$50

Can I win a pot?  He flops the seven.  Both of you can go to hell seriously.

QQ < KK all in pre.  -$40

Absolutely nothing I can do there.  I pushed his open all in, and felt pretty confident based on his 42% VPIP.  Again please go to hell getting dealt KK there.  So so sick.

99 < KK all in pre.  -$33

I opened here on 3 limpers $15 all in pre.  But of course some  clown-box limped behind with KK.  Un-real.  This one pissed me off, I actually think I typed something to him along the lines of “GH, now for the love of God can you stop playing poker?”

TT < AA all in pre.  -$30.

AKs < AA all in pre.  -$40

I spiked a king, but oh wait he has the usual AA in that ridiculous spot.

KK < 22 all in on the flop.  -$25

LOOK IT’S A TWO!!!! NICE HAND!!!

Also lost around -$30 on two combined pots calling all in on the flop in semi-bluff situations based on opponent ranges.

(will discuss later in the post)

So If I win the three hands where I’m 70%+ to win, have one less ridiculous cooler, and win one of the races above I’m suddenly a profit for the session.  This is the way things go when you short-stack this many tables at once.  The variance is insane, and you need a massive roll.  You think running like I did above is bad?  Imagine running like that for 14 out of 15 sessions; that is exactly what you have to be prepared for.  It is an absolute war.

That being said I played fine, I’m just trying to regroup for the weekend now.

Other Topics:

Why bad LAG player's may often prefer the 20-50BB tables?

I think the biggest reason the casual loose aggressive player enjoys the 20-50BB tables is they can run up a stack and feel protected by the 50BB buy in cap.  So a terrible player can run up a stack to $150, but a "pro" can only buy in $50 to go to war with them.  On the standard 40-100BB tables there isn't this sort of protection.  It's just one hand and they are basically destroyed.

Stars has a 20% reload bonus up to $500 until May 10^th I believe.

I plan to deposit this weekend and take advantage of this.  This is great timing since I was planning to deposit at least once this month anyways.  Also, I could really use the $100 bonus during this brutal stretch.  Anything helps.

I'm not sure it's logical from a business sense, but I commend Stars for the reload bonus.  Despite the fact that idiots like me are going to run thousands under EV and still deposit anyways.  I'm curios if more money is deposited because of the bonus, or it just seems like it because some players just wait for a reload bonus to come around.  I have a feeling player's will generally deposit if they want (whether a deposit is offered or not).   However, I understand that it's such a competitive industry that something has to be done to please customers.

Lost two decent pots calling down in semi-bluff situations on the flop based on opponent’s ranges.

During my session I lost two decent pots where I called an all in shove over my cbet on the flop.  Both times the opponent had a very loose range and happened to catch a pair in the right situation against my missed AK. 

I think one of the most under-looked skills to short-stacking is facing a semi-bluff all in push over your C-bet on the flop.  This is a very profitable situation if you can make a read.  However, if you fold to much you're losing money in the long run.  You will often find yourself in a position where you only need around 35% equity to call based on the opponent's range to make the play profitable.  An exception would be a weak-tight player who is generally only making a move with a made hand.

That's all for now.  Another bad session.

-bag.

Regrouped and Ready (5.4.2010)

I still have yet to log a hand since a session last Wednesday or Thursday (I honestly can’t remember the specific date).  The entire weekend and Monday night I spent doing some pretty intense analysis on my game.  I think I’ve found some massive areas where I can improve, and I’m now looking forward to playing during May.  That being said if I ran average EV during my horrendous March/April stretch I would have had a slight net loss, and with bonuses a net gain.  And the EV doesn’t tell the full story; I really know it was a lot worse because of coolers.  However, I need to be playing with a MODERATE NET WIN at least.  And I feel the work I put in over the past 4 nights will help get me there. 

Somebody asked me how poker went this weekend, and I said that it went great, even though I didn’t play a single hand.  This would be confusing to most until I handed them an 11-page analysis report that I wrote (which deeply probed into my play from each position in comparison to the top winners at my stakes.  I believe the report was complete by Saturday night. Some of the findings were slightly modified Sunday and Monday night to form a final strategy and game-plan going forward.

In a way maybe it is a good thing that I ran so bad recently, it forced me to regroup and seriously look at my game.  If I ran like a God I may have kept chugging along, with an inevitable down-stretch pending that I wouldn’t have been prepared for.  I’m happy to say I’ve completed the focus of the 7 areas mentioned in my last post.  I even found a two-headed dragon magic the gathering card (variance) and put it on my desk.  I won’t probe into every area for the entire world to see, but it certainly gives me confidence and focus going forward.  I will say the area “pre flop opening range adjustments” based on analysis was the area that I spent the most hours on.

At first I won’t be able to play 12 tables at once because the changes I am making are that drastic.  I’m hoping to get to that level as fast as I can (within a week), but I’m not rushing into it.  I am planning on putting in a 3 hour session Wednesday night.  A few more things going on:

I will be a quarter of a century old sometime next week.

This is scary.  I’m certainly not saying “OMG I’m so old”.  But this ultimately irrelevant date reinforces in my mind the fact that it’s time to make a move in my life very soon.  Also 20 year old girls now seem strangely out of reach, which just isn't even fair.  Maybe I'll just say I'm 24 for a while.      

I love my day job.

Why wouldn’t I?  It’s providing me with the money I need to take a shot at my goals.

I requested off work the entire 2^nd week of June.

I will be playing poker full-time that week, and I want to see what it feels like.  This is also going to be a very important week to gauge my progress.  It’s tough to put in the volume cramming every session in on weekends and the occasional week-night.  I can’t stress enough how important it will be to get a full 40-50 hours in during this week.  So I have over a month to get myself in the best position to make the most out of that week.

Conversation with My Dad

Also, I had a conversation with my father about my plans (putting it nicely).  Ok it was more a forced conversation that he initiated out of nowhere.  He had obviously been planning the border-line attack.  I wouldn’t say the "conversation" or "me defending myself session" was completely logical, but it’s getting somewhat closer.  Maybe I will post the hilarity of this conversation in the future.  It was basically him trying to attack from any possible angle to try to make me question myself (while acting supportive at the same time).  It was a contradictory mess, but I felt like it was quite an improvement from any talks from the past.

-bag