Keep An Open Mind

Anything is possible..... 1/11/2012 Wednesday morning

Updates and What Drives Me... (1/4/2012)

Update:

From 12/24- 12/29 I took a very long break from poker.  6 Nights without playing, I don't remember the last time I took that many consecutive nights off.

I almost went to NYC for NYE, but decided to stay in town for several reasons.  I'm happy I stayed, it was the right decision.  I celebrated NYE with friends around AC and had a party at my house.  It was good.

I've quickly gone back to the grind.  Since my return I'm up +$2500 in 23 hours.  Definitely an upswing.  During the past 46 hours I'm up just over +$4500.  I still finished December up a laughable +$500 so it is very good to get things going right now.  It feels good to have a RISING stock price again.

I took off tonight, but back to the grind Wed-Friday.

At the start of the New Year I've been trying to think about what motivates and drives me. 

When I went pro October 2010 I thought poker was it.  I thought it would make me happy if I could make a living playing poker.  Well I have made a living playing poker.  Sure it's not a super baller life style or anything (I never thought it would be), but I have in a way "done it".  I went out on my own and made a living doing it.

I think I was obsessed with the idea at first.  I could make a living off of a game I enjoyed playing.

No matter what happens no one can ever take year 1 away from me.  It took a lot of courage.  I made massive changes and started a new life.  There have been plenty of great stories and adventures both on and off the felt.  I feel more happened in my first year as a pro then my entire 3 years of corporate employment combined.  It was a good year.  I made a living and I added to my bankroll.  I have more than doubled the bankroll I started with.

So all is good for baglife, right?

.....

Well not really...

I guess the problem with me is "I've done it" isn't good enough.  I'm never satisfied.  Well I'm not really in a position to be satisfied, I'm barely making a lower middle class income, even though I probably live better.  But I'm very aware of this and certainly NOT satisfied.  I wanted to be "doing it" and then some. I won't be satisfied until I'm making a push at 5/10.  That is my next life goal.  To get a bankroll together that will allow me to play the biggest games in my city.  And not to just get a bankroll together.

To get the bankroll together completely on my own.  I've done it all on my own so far, I plan to keep it that way as long as possible.  And when I do that I can get to a level where I'm hopefully making a living, while saving money for other investments.  And if I can get to that level the possibilities are endless.   

I suppose challenge drives me.  And not just any challenge.  The kind of challenge that the normal world wouldn't see as feasible.  The challenge of doing everything on my own and having the ability to say FUCK everyone who ever doubted me.  The challenge of never taking the safe path and still somehow coming out ahead of it all.

It's going to be a tough year.  I have a lot of work to do.  I'm going to have to be ready to bunker down and live off a bare minimum when things aren't going well.  I'm going to have to adapt, be willing to continually search for the most profitable games, and travel far distances to grind them out when necessary.  I'm going to have to deal with the downswings better.  And I'm going to have to be unaffected by any upswings.  I'm going to have to be able to examine my game and keep improving.  I'm going to have to keep making sacrifices if I ever want to bust into high stakes on my own.  I'm going to have to protect and keep what's mine.

2012 presents formidable challenges but I will do my best to meet them.

I don't ever want to look back and say I didn't try hard enough.  Or I didn't fight hard enough.  That would be unacceptable.

-bag

Holiday Break (12/28/2011)

I've been taking a bit of break, enjoying the holidays with family and friends. 

I busted my ass for most of December and finished down, which was tough to swallow.  Instead of breaking early for Christmas I played until Christmas Eve.  During the last 3 nights I played in a casino in a different state.  During the 3 nights I pretty much recovered my December loss, so break even right now.

I haven't decided if I'm going to take a vacation for NYE, or stay around AC, go out two nights, and resume grinding.  I feel like I need a break.  My motivation really isn't as strong at this time.  I thought taking off over 5 nights would help, but it hasn't particularly. 

Keeping my confidence level high is important right now.  It's on to the second year as a pro.  The first year wasn't amazing, but in a way I "did it".  I made enough profit to cover all my living expenses and added to my bankroll.  I also adapted and survived despite some pretty horrific obstacles (black Friday, downswings, girl, etc).

I really do have a lot to be proud of, but I'm not.  I'll just never be satisfied until I at least get a bankroll together to make at push at 5/10.  Unless online comes back in some form, thats a different story.  I'm not sure exactly what my problem is right now, maybe just in a bad mood.  Maybe I just need to run good.  Maybe I just need a change of pace....

-bag 

Brutal Stretch (12/15/2011)

Right now I'm a professional poker player who can't win money playing poker.  Doesn't seem to matter what I do.

I tried mixing it up today and started play earlier.  I ended up playing 9.5 hours to lose -$325.  I was up until the last hand where I lost a 1.2k pot with a top set of jacks against a flopped flush. 

FLOP Jc 5c 3c

I lead 65 into 100, 5 way.  A bad drunk casual player then made it 165 total.  After that I decided to shove over the top.  He instantly called with 9c Tc, of course it held up.

I can't really beat myself up over a hand like that.  Yeah it sucks getting it in bad, but folding is a disaster if I'm even good 10% of the time on the flop.  The guy had a timer over his head, I just don't see how I could get away from that.  I really did think he had a flush, but it's about a range of hands.  I did think he was capable of making that play with Ac x a percentage of the time, or even a lower set.  The times he shows up with Ac,x or a lower set just make folding pretty impossible for 100BBs.  I mean I'm not a fucking magician here, ok ship it in, good job you win.  Congrats I got my money in bad on a fucking mega cooler.

I've started off down -$230 in 16.5 hours this week.  The problem is I've lost the three previous weeks.  Down around 3 buy-ins on the month.  I've been through worse stretches before, I have the ability to turn things around.  I need to keep fighting and focus on one session at a time here.  Yeah my life is not very fun right now.

-bag

Grinding Hard (12/6/2011)

I will be grinding hard until the holidays.  I expect to put in 100 hours from now until Christmas break.  I finished November over 4k+ which isn't a terrible result.

The past two weeks haven't been great, but I have time.  I started this week up +$500 so an encouraging start.

I'm also trying to cut back on going out until the holidays.  Maybe one night per week.

Not much to say right now, I'll look to post some results soon.

-bag