Updates and What Drives Me... (1/4/2012)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 2:22AM Update:
From 12/24- 12/29 I took a very long break from poker. 6 Nights without playing, I don't remember the last time I took that many consecutive nights off.
I almost went to NYC for NYE, but decided to stay in town for several reasons. I'm happy I stayed, it was the right decision. I celebrated NYE with friends around AC and had a party at my house. It was good.
I've quickly gone back to the grind. Since my return I'm up +$2500 in 23 hours. Definitely an upswing. During the past 46 hours I'm up just over +$4500. I still finished December up a laughable +$500 so it is very good to get things going right now. It feels good to have a RISING stock price again.
I took off tonight, but back to the grind Wed-Friday.
At the start of the New Year I've been trying to think about what motivates and drives me.
When I went pro October 2010 I thought poker was it. I thought it would make me happy if I could make a living playing poker. Well I have made a living playing poker. Sure it's not a super baller life style or anything (I never thought it would be), but I have in a way "done it". I went out on my own and made a living doing it.
I think I was obsessed with the idea at first. I could make a living off of a game I enjoyed playing.
No matter what happens no one can ever take year 1 away from me. It took a lot of courage. I made massive changes and started a new life. There have been plenty of great stories and adventures both on and off the felt. I feel more happened in my first year as a pro then my entire 3 years of corporate employment combined. It was a good year. I made a living and I added to my bankroll. I have more than doubled the bankroll I started with.
So all is good for baglife, right?
.....
Well not really...
I guess the problem with me is "I've done it" isn't good enough. I'm never satisfied. Well I'm not really in a position to be satisfied, I'm barely making a lower middle class income, even though I probably live better. But I'm very aware of this and certainly NOT satisfied. I wanted to be "doing it" and then some. I won't be satisfied until I'm making a push at 5/10. That is my next life goal. To get a bankroll together that will allow me to play the biggest games in my city. And not to just get a bankroll together.
To get the bankroll together completely on my own. I've done it all on my own so far, I plan to keep it that way as long as possible. And when I do that I can get to a level where I'm hopefully making a living, while saving money for other investments. And if I can get to that level the possibilities are endless.
I suppose challenge drives me. And not just any challenge. The kind of challenge that the normal world wouldn't see as feasible. The challenge of doing everything on my own and having the ability to say FUCK everyone who ever doubted me. The challenge of never taking the safe path and still somehow coming out ahead of it all.
It's going to be a tough year. I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to have to be ready to bunker down and live off a bare minimum when things aren't going well. I'm going to have to adapt, be willing to continually search for the most profitable games, and travel far distances to grind them out when necessary. I'm going to have to deal with the downswings better. And I'm going to have to be unaffected by any upswings. I'm going to have to be able to examine my game and keep improving. I'm going to have to keep making sacrifices if I ever want to bust into high stakes on my own. I'm going to have to protect and keep what's mine.
2012 presents formidable challenges but I will do my best to meet them.
I don't ever want to look back and say I didn't try hard enough. Or I didn't fight hard enough. That would be unacceptable.
-bag
Reader Comments (2)
Congrats, Bags, Well deserved, too. You have accomplished your initial goal of escaping wage slavery, playing poker for a living, and getting up to 2-5NL. Great work. Since I read your Blog, I know it hasn't been easy. But, nothing worth accomplishing ever is. I look forward to hearing about your progress as the year goes on. Good luck!
Lucypher,
Sorry I missed this comment earlier. I'm not on my own site enough anymore. I know it's wierd. It's like my desire to produce creative writing has evaporated since my goal became... Be pro and stay there no matter what you have to do. I almost forgot the point of this current comment I'm writing. Never met you but thanks so much for following my blog. It gives me drive knowing someone out there curios about my futile attempts at becoming a really good poker professional.. Thanks again!