Nightmare October Ends and Ramblings (11/3/2013)

October ended for me almost exactly the way it started; a complete nightmare.  I finished the month up +$705 in 149 hours.  So far only June was a bigger nightmare, the only month I actually ended up down net playing live this year.

October was my highest volume live month of the year.  Unfortunately I look back on all the hard work and only remember a blur of confusion, rage, and pain.

I’m not going to get into the grueling details about how something like this can happen right now so I’ll just leave it at that; whatever…

Right now I feel like I’m not in a great place.  My bankroll is quite low for what I’ve been used to throughout most of my poker career.  Also, grinding mid-stakes isn’t really enjoyable to me.  Additionally, the transition to becoming a successful online player has been incredibly slow to say the least.  For the first time (since maybe the first 6 months I started grinding full-time) I’ve justified that there is a distinct possibility that poker may not work out for me.  And you know what?  That’s fine.

I have a solid career path that I can take if it comes to that.  Also, as long as I give it my best shot I can’t be too angry if things don’t work out.  Life will go on.  And fuck I’ll have more than I started with.  Not only more assets, but some really cool experiences I wouldn’t trade anything for.  And if I ever do leave for good I’m cutting down at least one tree from each casino that forced me through the hell of having to walk through their shit poker room.

Anyways, one thing that has plagued much of my year has been scheduling, it’s been a constant leak.  My body goes through periods where it no longer responds well to a grave-yard shift.  When I was younger it didn't bother me, but now it really does.  For example, recently I’ve been suffering with insomnia, half the time I have to take melatonin to force myself into a “normal sleep”.  Additionally, I’m not nearly productive enough because of my sleep schedule.  I’ll barely put in 8 hours live, but finish past 4a.m and my entire next day is screwed up.  Another huge problem is my schedule does not allow me to be productive enough to improve at the pace I need too online.

I’ve thought about things a lot and decided it’s either get on an earlier schedule, or completely stop putting time in online all-together.  I stayed on the late schedule because the live games are better late, but I still think it’s the right play to get on an earlier schedule to put myself in the best position to truly succeed.  Besides, what did my committment to the night shift give me this year?  Honestly almost nothing.  If I'm going to get my nuts kicked in constanly I might as well be on an earlier healthier schedule.  Sure live poker will still suck earlier, but at least the rest of my life won't be fucked (including body/mind).  Besides if I'm having a good day (haha that's funny) I can always push it into the later night if I really need too for some reason.

Starting November (now) I’m back on an earlier shift.  When I play live I’m going to start early to late afternoon-ish.  I think the earlier shift will also allow my mind to be much clearer especially for online days.  Online days are a waste if I’m not ready to rapidly absorb information.  Here has been my typical online day the past two months:

A)  Be in a state of complete brain-fog because I went to bed the previous night past 4a.m like an idiot.

B)  Possibly decide to pay $50 for a hour lesson where I absorb maybe 40% of the information.

C)  Play multiple tables at C-game because my mind is too fucked to do any better.  Shame my C-game online isn’t good enough to win, this isn’t live.

D)  Not work-out hard enough or nearly often enough

E)  No study outside of an hour or two coaching.  Even if I did it wouldn’t matter, my mind is in no state to learn.

And my new online days:

A)  Have a completely clear mind ready to study hard and rapidly absorb new information.

B)  If I use one of my lessons, I’ll be completely ready to absorb the information and make it worth-while. 

C)  Work out hard and often.

D)  Play no less than B-game at any given time while multi-tabling.

E)  Study a mandatory two hours before playing.

-bag