The Atomic Bomb Has Been Dropped (2/4/2011)

So the “atomic bomb” has been dropped on me by the girl I’ve been dating this week.  I’ve really only told two people about this, but I’m going to post it here.  Since my real identity isn’t exposed I can talk about it freely here (or “type” freely about it whatever).  Also, maybe it will make me feel somewhat better getting it out… probably not, but worth a shot anyways.

As of last week she found out she was pregnant.  She’s 2 months pregnant.  No it’s not mine.  It’s her ex’s and I guess she hooked up with him a month before she met me and that’s when it happened.  She said she was on birth control pills so she didn’t even consider the possibility that she could be pregnant until she got some dead on symptoms.

Birth control pills are something like 99.9% effective.  So at first I thought “Oh wow is she unlucky, she’s that .1%, holy shit??!?”  Then after talking to another female it seems to me that the “.1%” failure only happens when you personally do something incorrectly.  So most likely she fucked something up when taking them.  Missed a day, forgot a day, got drunk and threw up a night when she should have taken it, etc, etc.  I probably shouldn’t feel that bad for her.

Even worse, it sounds like she’s set on keeping the kid despite the fact that it may completely ruin her life.  IF she decides to keep it I’m not sure what I can really do.  This is horrible, but if she got an abortion I think I still might be able to date her long term.  But not if she had the kid.  I don’t date people often, and when I do I expect it to become more serious (not saying I’m looking to marry but you know).  I’m never just messing around on a fling or something.  I don’t see how I could be with someone long-term who has a child that is not mine.  That might sound selfish, but I’m 25, it’s really not what I signed up for.  If she has the kid her life becomes irreversibly attached to the ex for the next 20 years, and I think I’d have to be nuts to not walk away.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not planning to just cut her off and never talk to her again.  I’d really try to be there as a friend and she could talk to me whenever she wanted.  But if she decides to keep it I’m not sure how I could possibly keep dating her even though I really like her.  She’s made my life better since I’ve met her, I’m not ready to never talk to her again.

I talked to her a few hours about everything.  She is incredibly emotional right now.  No reason she gave me about keeping the kid had any sort of logic attached, all EMOTIONAL.  She’s going to throw her life away to the emotional, I just know it.  So I guess all I can do is wait a few weeks until she decides she is going to keep it for sure.  And after that I can just have a talk that you know I can’t continue to date her even though I actually do love her, or something like that.  But I will be around to help her out in anyway.

She doesn’t make a lot of money and she can’t even support this kid on her own.  To make it worse her family is very traditional and she already flipped out and told them when she found out.  Now if she gets an abortion she will probably be shunned by her family for all of eternity.  It just would suck if she threw her life away and had the kid right now when she’s not even close to prepared for such a situation.  It would tear me apart if that happened and I had to walk away even though I’d do pretty much anything for her.

When it’s too good to be true it usually is.  And this is why you stay away from clubs if you have my luck when it comes to picking girls.  But that’s what is going on right now and I feel like a gaping hole is in my stomach.  I’m still in a very big state of shock right now, this all happened very recently.  That’s about it.  If anyone happens to read this and has some input or advice in anyway I’m all ears.  I’d straight up tell her what a horrible decision she is making and lay out 50 reasons why she shouldn’t do it.  But I don’t want her to text me something in a year like “you killed my baby” or some crazy shit.

At the end of the day she has to make the decision for her and only her, I did tell her that at least.

I lost around -$350 playing 2-5 last night, didn't make any mistakes just a bad session.  It just seems really insignificant compared to what’s going on anyways.  Back to the tables tonight and Saturday, I’d be lucky to have my C game, but can still beat out some fish-towns for decent money 70% of the time as long as I stay disciplined.

-bag