Update and Psychological Train-wreck (6.2.2010)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 11:35AM Time: 2-Hours
Profit: $+100
Mood: Really Unstable
Alright so last night I crushed a nap after work and was ready to put in at least 3 hours. It was a mixed bag sort of session. I profited +$100. I ran up probably close to $200 bum hunting before epic fail struck. The majority of my wins during the last few weeks have absolutely been coming from bum-hunting people, where I double up and fight with a full stack. Last night I ran $20 to $100 up on one of the tables, so the +$100 finish total was very disapointing.
Anyways, I soon became so pissed off that I logged out at the 2 hour 15 minute mark and cut the session short. It really could have been a break through session in 3 hours, but a strand of crazy coolers set me on edge. I started incoherently babbling random shit in the text box and cursing my luck out loud. At one point I began typing something along the lines of:
"OK AWESOME, LET'S HAVE 10 TWO OUTERS HIT ON ME ACROSS 50 TABLES IN 20 MINUTES. YOU KNOW WHAT WELL DONE, GOOD JOB MAN. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I'M DONE THANK YOU. NO LET'S STAY AND GET RAPED 20 MORE TIMES IN A ROW. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS SITE THINK THEY CAN RIG ONE ACCOUNT BEFORE THE PLAYER CASHES OUT AND LEAVES?"
My blood was obviously BOILING. I think I ripped my shirt (not actually ripping it) off and threw it somewhere. This is really an indication that I'm about the flip out and go batshit. My blood begins to boil like a volcano about to erupt, I feel very hot, and I respond by taking my shirt off.
I remember four specific hands that set me on edge and prompted me to log out:
Hand 1) AA < KK all in preflop. -$45
There was a very tight EP open-raiser. The dude on the button called. I jammed $20+ all in with AA. The EP raiser folded and the guy on the button immediately calls with KK. RIVER KING. I'm not sure why this set me off. I think part of it was because he played the hand so fucking poorly and got rewarded. I mean calling with KK there and giving the button odds to price in immediately drops your KK below 50% equity with two other opponents. So what are you doing again? I elected to push all in to disguise my hand. I was actually pushing in hopes that the original raiser would call me down, thinking I was making a squeeze play. I thought it was a 50/50 chance that he would call because his open range was very tight from that position. If I raised the hand 4x to 5x the open it's obvious that I'm holding a KK or AA, and this would have made it easier for him to fold. But no the clown calling behind has KK and hits a miracle.
Nothing I could do there. I would have played the hand 100% the same way.
Hand 2) AK < QK all in pre. -$45
I hit the top pair, but he of course flops top two pair and holds. Did I mention I hate my life?
Hand 3) AA < 56 off. -$40
Three way pot and the guy calls pre with 56 off. He flops 5 5 6. The turn in another 5. 4-of a kind makes my full house (555, AA) look like a joke. Did I mention I really hate my life?
This hand I got tricky with preflop. I was Late position facing an very tight EP raiser. I didn't want to fold out most of his range by shoving so I called his open. This invited the button to call in with the 5 6 off. Still a bad call. In this scenario it's either shove and pick up 3BB or play tricky and win 20BB 80% of the time.
Hand 4) QQ < KK all in pre. -$60
I flopped a set of queens. OH WAIT THE RIVER IS ANOTHER KING. Is there ever not a king on the river? What do I have to do to win a hand? Flop 4 of a kind?
This is a standard cooler that happens all of the time, and I have to be able to deal with it. There is no getting away from QQ here, the board is irrelevant. Also, he rightfully had me preflop, the queen on the flop was just lucky.
I think it was a combination of everything that flipped me out.
So I logged out. I have never done that. I was just in a mood where I couldn't sit there and watch one more disgusting cooler or two outer hit on me. Normally I get angry about 20 seconds and just play through it.
Mind-Set Going Forward
I need to remember that it is my job to get myself in the best equity position. It is my job to MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION at any given time. If I happen to make an incorrect decision, my job is to figure out how to correct going forward.
IT IS NOT MY JOB TO PROFIT EVERY INDIVIDUAL SESSION.
I CAN'T CONTROL RUNNING -EV.
I SHOULD BE HAPPY WHEN I GET ALL MY CHIPS IN AND LOSE TO A TWO OUTER. I MADE THE RIGHT PLAY!
THE ACTUAL MONEY INVOLVED MEANS NOTHING.
I'm not sure why these concepts keep slipping my mind when I go on tilt. I act like a spoiled bitch with a sense of entitlement or something and it has to stop.
Going forward I have to adjust my mind set. Honestly I am more worried about my mind-set than my poker ability or skill. I am confident in my game, but I am a psychological train-wreck right now. I better fix it unless I want a heart attack before I'm 30 years old.
The next two weeks are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I need to adjust my mind-set for this challange. I need to put in about 80 hours by june 14th to stay on the pace of hitting Super-Nova. From here on out the money involved, suck-outs, and EV can't mean anything. Only making the right decision matters.
I WILL NOT LOSE MY COOL TO BAD BEATS.
Making the right decision is the only thing that matters.
My goal is ACCOMPLISHED if I make the right decision.
Reader Comments (4)
Have you checked out the last month or two to see how many of your sessions are profitable? Typically it'll be in the neighborhood of 60% if you're a good player and have standard variance.
By "profitable" do you mean beating the EV? I do track this. It seems the past month I'm beating the EV 2 out of 3 or 3 out of 5 sessions (Don't have exact numbers in front of me). I log these numbers, but honestly I'm not sure how valid they are at all. They don't include coolers or anything, which my fate is often linked to. Sometimes when I look back and analyze sessions the ending EV number just doesn't add up. For the session above I actually beat the EV by $15-$20, but felt royally screwed.
I think there are some flaws with relying on EV to much, it just doesn't give you the full story. More like a crude guideline that is infused with inaccuracies.
Or did you just mean the number of sessions I've profited vs lost? I log everything and have this, just not in front of me. The last month this looks a lot better, but I hit some brutal stretches during March and April.
I meant pure net profit vs. net loss - I don't pay a hell of a lot of attention to EV for the reasons you already mentioned.
For a while it seemed like 70% of my sessions would be winners but I was losing more in bad sessions than I was winning in good ones.
I then looked at the losing sessions - what time I played them, big pots, opponents ... I ended up seeing some common trends like shitty table selection and misreads. But that's playing full stacked and deep stacked. Playing a short stacked game will be much different when it comes to analyzing that way.
I used to bluff a hell of a lot more than I do these days. Not enough people have a fold button anymore.
May combined I only profited 10 out of 30 sessions. However, I've won 8 out of the last 16, and 3 out of the last 4. Sounds pretty awful, but during the 30 I only ran positive EV 9 times. And 9 of the sessions I ran under EV at least -$100 or more, which pretty tough to overcome short-stacking. During only 1 out of the 30 sessions did I run positive EV +$100 or more. That is some shit luck. If you run well under EV short-stacking it's going to be very tough to clear a net profit for an individual session. I talked about the problems with EV above, but I think it's more accurate than looking at net profit or loss if you short-stack.
So I definitely expect things to improve a lot this month. I was running bad, but still playing with a few leaks during the first half of May. Yeah I was definitely losing more in net loss sessions than I was winning in profit sessions, with the exception of the last 40 hours of play.
This is a huge stretch coming up. I took off next week to play full time. That week should really give me an accurate picture of where I am.