Snow, Corporate, and Online Poker (2.5.2010)

A huge snow storm is apparently looming.  I stepped outside this morning and remember picking up the scent of fear in the air.  Seems the entire city has pretty much already shut down.  The general populous has been reduced to a frightful state of panic.  Yet a single snow-flake has yet to fall.  I guess people fear what they can’t control.  Add that one unpredictable element into an equation and people go shit-bat crazy.  This sort of reminds me of shark attacks.  You’re about a million times more likely to drown at the hands of your own stupidity, but that sort of thing is “preventable”.  What kind of idiot would drown right?  But an abomination of a shark with rows of razor-sharp teeth just killed someone who was swimming in the predator's natural habitat?   "FUCK THAT.  Let’s take arms and murder every shark in a THOUSAND MILE RADIUS.  MAN IS GREATER THAN SHARK."  It’s a related concept to me.  Humans tend to be more afraid of factors that are out of their control.  A shark attack is out of their control so they seek to vanquish the problem, which in actuality isn't even an issue.  And when people have no way of controling they often go a little crazy.

I decided to go out last night.  It was the first time I went out in almost two weeks.  I had some fun, but it was not all that great.  I pulled two numbers that I will definitely never call, the usual.  I’m at work running on 4 hours or whatever.  In the upcoming month or so I might go out more during the week sometimes, and less during the weekend.  I’ve decided that I’d rather screw up my work schedule then mess up the limited free time I have on the weekends.  I’m pretty sure I could do this job high on crack while tripping acid anyways.  Not that I have ever done either of those things; just saying.  Most of the time as long as I show up it’s fine.  Things might pick up some in the next few weeks with some training, but I could still go out and get hammered one weeknight and be fine.

It really is a hopeless situation with my job right now.  There’s no point in getting upset.  It is what it is.  Even if my contract isn’t renewed in a few months I could grab unemployment during a transition period.  That could actually work out quite well for a month or two as I played cards (though it’s never that easy).  My 9-5 is just a pay-check now.  This is liberating because I think “well I don’t care as much, it’s just a check”.  But deep down I have always cared.  I really gave my soul to corporate the last two years.  I started off the first year and a half really giving everything I had.  I wanted to be successful here, but ultimately there will be almost nothing to show for my efforts.  Just a small bankroll made up of some “blood money”.  It’s still hard for me to go to work and break off to a point where I don’t care in anyway; I really wish I could.  But shit still bothers me.

I will go on insisting that they can do whatever they want to try to further fuck me over; go for it.  Doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me anymore.  My future is not here, I KNOW THIS.  I think things are even worse with my boss now since I had a discussion a few months ago moving out of state unless there were some reasonable opportunities that would be developing damn soon.  So basically instead of trying to get me more involved and retaining me she has just taken the strategy of cutting me off more.  The past month the best work has been assigned to someone who has showed up 2 hours late pretty much every day the past half a year.  I was in line to receive some training that would boast my resume, but that was awarded to someone else first because my direct boss either has something personal against me or thinks I’m going to quit soon so it doesn’t matter.  I will still get the training in a few weeks, but I had to go out of my way and fight for it myself (just to have it on my resume).  I know my best bet is to march on like a soldier and get to a point where nothing bothers me.  In a way it serves me right; I screwed my corporate situation up more by being honest.   I know it’s beyond stupid to be honest around here.  I just gave the boss time to stab me in the back preemptively.  It's the same reason why I knew I should never tell my boss if I was interviewing.  I actually wrote about this back in September months ago in a sign it's time to leave corporate:

"You have realized you should never tell your current boss when interviewing internally.

It is wise to remove this logic from your thought process:

“I’m going to tell my boss I am accepting an internal interview. I think it's important I remain honest and respectful. Also, I won’t have any guilt. Besides, maybe she will be more inclined to offer me a promotion since other parties are obviously expressing strong interest, which further proves my value.”

In reality:

It is beyond idiotic to tell a current boss you’re accepting an internal interview. This only gives them time to network and stab your back; ruining your chances of ever progressing. Furthermore, don’t fool yourself into thinking you should be respectful and honest; remember that NOBODY else around you is. Getting others in corporate to appreciate those values would be like sharing empathy with an ant. Do you think the ant has the capacity to appreciate your empathy? Also, nobody is going to feel pressured to give you a promotion in response to another internal manager showing interest. It is much easier to contact the other manger first and simply work out a “block deal" before your interview even begins."

And I found where I explained the block deal:

"Additionally, your current manager can put a “block” on you as a last resort. This means your current boss will contact the manager hiring for the new position (manager A). They will agree to deny you the position, so your current manager can continue to suck you for everything you’re worth. In return your current manager will return the favor to the manager A at a later time."

Though I don’t completely regret the decision to reveal that I was thinking about moving out of state.  I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be possible to work remotely for a few months.  It could have been a good option.

I want to play a lot of online poker this weekend.  I should be able to play unless a blizzard knocks out my power.  I need to regroup and stick to my strategy.  I also want to make a huge commitment to online poker during the upcoming months.  I should build my online roll to a point where I can at least make a decent rate if I want to play online hourly to supplement income.  It’s also a good idea to stay in strong playing shape.  It would be nice to be in Vegas playing live, but I should also have something online I can work off of.  It’s important to have both worlds eventually; a balance.  I need to step up my online volume and discipline.  When I’m online I also don’t go out and spend money.  Even if I lose an online session it’s taking off from a bankroll I built up over a long time.  However, if I want to get more serious online I may have to put more money in.  Sure you can grind a bankroll up from nothing.  But it’s always an issue of time to me.  I have to maximize the value of my time.  Sure you can spend hundreds of hours and turn $50 into a thousand.  Shame not everyone has 100’s of hours.  This is probably a reason why I am not as winning as I should be online.  Maybe subconsciously rush and try to make things happen sometimes. 

Anyways I’m probably going to leave work once it starts snowing.  Most people didn’t even come in today.  The thought of getting stuck in this shitty city is dreadful.  My next post will probably be on a horseshit unlucky online session.  Or the apocalypse blizzard that ruined humanity; something fun you know?

Cheers,

-bag