Getting Hammered (5/7/2011)

I am getting hammered on the tables right now.  Down -$800 in the first 40 hours played this week.  Nothing can go right.  I've been mistake free, it just hasn't been my week.  I was break even until Friday where I lost close to 2 buy-ins in 3 hours.  The last hand I actually got felted with a bottom set of 55 on the board:

Kh 6h 5s

It was a 7-way limped pot in a complete maniac game.  I checked from the SB, 1 raiser to $20, 2 callers, I re-raise to $70 total.  1 fold, two callers.  The pot is now $200 and I have about $400 left on the Turn.  TURN:

4c

Really fucking bad, but not the worst.  I'm now first to act in a pretty miserable situation.  After thinking a minute I made it $200.  I was worried about the straight, but I'm not sure how else I could have got out of this situation.  This is an insane game.  The players are just as likely to have a missed flush draw at this point or even worse.  78 gets there, but so be it.  I guess I could have bet $120 and folded to a shove, but I wanted to charge draws and crushed hands full.  Or I could have checked and assumed he made the straight, then if he gave me the right odds I'd just call and try to boat up the river.  This sounds really bad, and it usually is.  You need quite a read to make a check here, and this isn't a heads up pot.  Additionally, if there are two checks the 2nd villian is likely to be shoving no matter what he is holding.  I don't mind shipping with the set here, I know anyone else in this situation holds up with QKo in the same game.

So the villain to act next shoves $450 all in over my $200 turn raise, maniac folds, and the action is on me.  At this point it's a snap call, I only have $200 left to win a +$1,000 pot.  Even if my set is crushed by the straight I have the equity to call and boat up on the river here.  Still good over 20% of the time. 

RIVER 9

He held up with 78, I failed to get there with the set.  So that capped off the misery this week.  Two really big pots did not go my way this week.  The one mentioned above.  And the +$1500 pot suck-out on Sunday which I probably talked about in my last post.

I still feel I'm playing mistake free, just not running well at the moment.  I'm not going to miss Saturday night, but may take off Sunday.  Let's see if I can run like shit for the 6th night in a row!  I'm really doing my best to try to remain as unemotional as possible, focused, and mistake free.  I know most players would have lost a few buy-ins more during this down-swing.

-bag

No Result-Oriented Goals For May 2011

For May I have no result oriented goals such as "win x amount" or "play x amount of hours each week".  I feel such a mind-set is detrimental to my progress.  If anything I would say that I'm going to have daily targets and a clear disciplined focus.  I can't control how much I win or lose or the actual results, I have come to accept that.

However, I can make a daily target to play mistake free for a night.  That is in my control and very feasible.   "Goals" going forward will be labeled "targets".  And these targets will be in the PRESENT.  I can control the present, I can't control the future.

The last few weeks I've been making an effort to step back and work on my emotions.  This is something I've never been great at.  I can say I'm already making progress.  I've been very detached from the results the last few sessions.  The past few weeks have not been going well.  Basically a break even stretch.  If I ran like this when I started as a pro I would have flipped out.  But now I accept that I have been playing mistake free with a clear disciplined focus and the results are irrelevant.  For example, I dumped -$740 on Sunday's session.  But I lost a $1600 pot where I was all in as a 75% favorite to win.  All the money went in on the flop, I did nothing wrong.  Set of dueces on a Q J 2 board.  The villain with 9-10 calls all in and gets there, someone else was also all in on that flop with QKo for some reason.  But hey it happens, nothing I can do, it did not affect my play.

I came into Tuesday night looking to build on Monday's win (where I recovered Sunday's massive suck-out after about 8 hours of play).  In a span of 3 hours I proceeded to dump -$500 with a horrifc run of luck.  These 3 hours were very strange.  I was picking up big starting hands but getting shelled every flop.  AKs 3-bet, fail.  AKs 3bet, fail.  AA 3bet, had to correctly hero fold the river.  JJ whiff, QQ nadda.  But I didn't play anything incorrectly, it just wasn't my 3 hours.  I wasn't emotionally destroyed like I would have been a few months ago, just the beauty of natural variance there.

Tonight (Wednesday) was another not so great night.  9 hours and +$335.  But I was never tilted and I didn't make a mistake.  Sure I wasn't thrilled folding like a robot the last 3 hours, but it happens.  I had the presence of mind to leave around 4:30 a.m.  When I realized nothing was changing.  And I was on the brink of frustration, the highlight of the last 2 hours was being dealt 55 (which looked like gold at the time).  Lost that pot, villain made a fantastic call on the missed flop with a gut-shot holding 8T.  Turn I forget.  River was a 4th heart.  He happened to have the 8 of hearts, which owned my 5 of hearts.  If that's your biggest highlight during your last 2 hour session you know you have some serious fucking issues.

Anyways, feeling focused and in control of my emotions right now.  No goals for this week really.  I've already logged 23 hours since Monday, but I'm only up +$500 so far (not that it matters).  I realize I could lose that in one hand doing nothing wrong.  I managed to find pretty good action every night, with the exception of Tuesday which was horrific.  I'll probably play at least 3 more nights this week. 

At the start of each night I have a target to play mistake free.  And I have a target to not be emotionally involved no matter what happens.  No matter how big the suck-out, or how card-dead I am.

April finished up +$4300 in 141 hours of play.  This was enough to comfortably survive, pay all expenses, and whatever.  Not a bad result.  I see averaging 4k a month going forward feasible during the next year.  Not something I can always control, but I do realize the potential.

May will be my first month of 100% live poker (not by choice, thanks U.S government).  Should definitely be able to log over 150 hours, but I'm not making that mandatory or anything.

-bag

Disgusted With Myself (4/25/2011)

I wrote this before I went to bed, but didn't get to post until now:

It’s about 4:00 a.m and I’m disgusted with myself.  Tonight I made my worst mistake as a 2-5 player.  Stacking off a $700 stack like a moron to a regular with over-pair KK on a Js 7s 6 board.  Lead out $60 on the flop.  With position he raises to $160.  This is A FOLD, on the flop.  Somehow I tank and level myself into thinking this fucking ABC nit-ass player could be making a move on me here.  It’s a super-wet board with tons of draws out there.   As I was tanking on the flop:

“HE HAS A SET HE HAS A SET HE HAS A SET.  No wait.  Come on he has to be making a move sometime.  What if he has AJ, AQs or QQ.  What do you beat here?  AJ, AQs, QQ, some random shit like 89s.  You lose to JJ, 77, and 66.  Very unlikely, but he must have a set here.  But why did he raise so much?  Is he trying to blow me off a hand?  He must know I’m not going to call such big value with an over-pair if he hit a set.

For some reason I flat.

TURN 7x.  Great so now he can only be repping JJ and 66.  I take some time and check.  He makes it $220, I only have about $300 left behind. 

After tanking and some asshole calling time on me, I make the most imaginative stupid fucking shove in the past 3 months.  My imagination did not pay off.

He obviously snap called and showed JJ full-house.  River a meaningless queen.  That player was not capable of playing anything else that way.  The line I took was fine against any other player on the table, but NOT him.  I’m rightfully disgusted with myself.  A hand I’ve laid down thousands of times before, whatever compelled me to make such a stupid fucking play there I have no idea.  I deserved to lose tonight.  Instead of having a break even 15 hours, it’s become -$1300+ thanks to that.

The last 40 hours of live play have been just over break even, capped off by my $700 donation tonight.  It concerns me because during this time I’ve made two mistakes that I would have never made a few weeks ago.  Yes I have ran TERRIBLE during the last 40 hours of play.  But I could have salvaged the last 15 hours to around break even, rather than being down -$1300 in that time span.  I mean I don’t have to mega-spew a hand like that.  It’s ok to take a break even session if nothing is going well. 

 April Results (so far):

Started off amazing, but I’ve managed to fuck up a great situation (like usual).  During the past 15 hours of play things have not gone so great.  The good news I’m still up just over 8 buy-ins for the month in a total of 110 hours.  If the month ended right now I could live with that result.  So it isn’t the end of the world.  Ok I made one big mistake tonight, yes it happens sometimes.  This is the time to rebound and keep things in perspective.

Here is what I’m going to do so I can sleep tonight.  I’m lumping my live play from 4/18 (Monday)- 4/24 (Sunday) into one week.  Finished +$135 in 40 hours!  Ok I broke even for the past week.  You just train-wrecked at the finish line this time.  But guess what?  During the first 70 hours of the month you made +$4000 in 70 hours.

And we have one more big week left in April.  I want to aim for close to 40 hours live this week (4/25-4/30).  My job isn’t to make money during this time.  It is to play MISTAKE FREE.  If I get one more stack in with the worst of it I will cut my ass off and time myself out on a shit 1-2 table for the rest of the month.

I’m not kidding.  You want to shove $500+ stacks all in with the worst of it and level yourself to doom against the most ABC player in a 50 mile radius?  Go fuck around on a 1-2 table for a week then, because you don’t deserve to be playing 2-5.  So another big mistake and I will pull the plug on myself for 2-5 until next month.  Hopefully it won’t come to that.  HOPEFULLY the stupid play you just made tonight represented some sort of ultra-rare statistical anomaly of you lapsing into idiocy for that one unexplainable time in the last 110 hours.  Let’s keep it an anomaly and not make a trend out of it, unless you want to rot on 1-2.

12 Goals and things to keep in mind for the week:

1)  Admit you fucked up with the KK hand mentioned above and move on.

2)  Log at least 35 hours of live play

3)  Silence your phone while in session and really try to focus more.

4)  Play mistake free poker during those 35+ hours.

5)  One more unacceptable play = banishment to the hell that is live 1-2 for the remainder of the month.

6)  Go out a night and have fun?

7)  Don’t let the last 40 hours of live poker results own your life.  Come to think about it, don’t ever be results oriented.  It’s amazing I have to keep telling myself this after being a pro for over 6 months.

8)  Work out 3 times.

9)   Eat healthy.

10) Don’t let a horrible girl ruin your life.

11)  Take a few hours to read a book.  Not poker related for the love of God.

12)  Get in touch with at least 5 friends you haven’t talked to in a while.

Running Very Well (4/22/2011)

I'm certainly running well for the month of April so far.  I don't want to report specific results and jinx myself, but it's been my best month live so far.  And the month is far from over.  There are still two more weekends of big volume ahead.  I've also been finding good action on weekdays, which is very promising.  I even logged a huge win on Sunday night, which is a night I wouldn't normally go into the casino if online poker was still around.

My goal is to stay disciplined and focused.  I need to keep playing fundamentally solid and waiting for the right spots.  I don't need to force anything, I have nothing to prove to anybody.  The remainder of my month will be replaced with a clear disciplined focus.  No multi-day alcohol binges, no clubs, no wasting time on stupid girls.  This is not the time to slack off because things are going well.  This is not where I say "Oh whatever I've won more than double of what I would have made in corporate already for the month, let's just take off and have fun!"

In contrast, this is the perfect time to UP MY VOLUME, since the pressure is off.  Just have fun and see what happens.

I also received promising news from Pokerstars about being able to cash-out hopefully sooner rather than later:

“We were very pleased to receive the news that allows US players to cash out their real money balances.

In response to this update, the Cash Out option in the PokerStars Cashier will temporarily be unavailable, to allow us to prepare the technical solutions and formulate the plan and processes required to allow you to cash out your balance.

Please be assured, US player balances are safe. We will notify all US players as soon as the cashier is available to allow you to proceed to cashing out. In the interim, any pending cashouts will be returned to your account in order to ensure players have the opportunity to cash out orderly.

Providing you with the facility to cash out is our top priority right now, and hopefully all US players will be able to cash out via the PokerStars Cashier in the near future.

We apologize for the temporary delay, and sincerely appreciate your patience and cooperation, as we continue working towards providing you with a solution to cash out.”

Awesome sweet, so there is a high probability that MY MONEY will be returned to me?  Excellent news A+++……..

Obviously  I’m still going to be set-back some.  My Supernova status is gone, I have FPPs I will never be able to use, and any other perks are wiped out.  But this is great news.  I need to take the roll out and use it to start over online eventually.

For the record I have no hard feelings towards PokerStars.  In my opinion they should be rewarded.  If I could play on Stars tomorrow I would.

They stuck it out when other sites bailed and helped fund ways to fight the ridiculous US laws.  They provided superior software and security compared to other sites, and they helped promote the game to ridiculous levels.  They even helped us donate to charities and disaster relief funds, often matching donations.  They provided jobs to millions of people.  They provided me a path to survive on my own, as opposed to declaring allegiance to a wage-slave corporation.  Millions of people were provided with the entertainment they freely chose.  It seems Stars stood up for American citizens and their constitutional rights more often then some of our own government officials did.

-bag

Post Black Friday Update (4/18/2011)

Black Friday being April 15th, which I'm sure anyone who reads this blog already knows about.  The Department of Justice has indicted the three major online poker sites.  This includes PokerStars, which I had a Supernova status on.  I haven't updated because I've really been in a state of shell-shock from the entire situation.  Friday it was confirmed as I received the message:

"We are sorry, but playing real money games is not allowed in your area"

As for my plan I have no idea.  I had a lot of money online and was generating income playing online around 25 hours per week, not to mention around 8k of my assets are indefinitely frozen which I couldn't really afford to lose.  I was actually going to withdraw 2k to go towards living expenses/rent in May.  It took me a year and a half of busting my ass to get where I was online.  For periods of time I had no life, now it's all gone in overnight.  My plan was to possibly shift 90%+  of my play online by next year.

I've never been more disgusted.  All I can do is wait for the dust to settle and see what happens.  Hopefully I can somehow get my Stars money out eventually and start over online somewhere.  I tried to wire a $1,000 out of my Stars account.  If the transaction ends up going through I will try to wire the rest out, but I'm expecting to lose it all.

Meanwhile, I have to go all live, I have no choice.  I might make more short-term weekly, but every week I'm not online hurts my growth as a poker player.  I'm also not sure if I can play live poker 50 hours per week.  Maybe 35-40.  Online was obviously a big part of my plan going forward.

The only good news in my life is I'm on a mini-heater live right now.  I don't want to get into it much because I don't want to jinx myself.  I'll just report results when April ends, or when a down-swing comes.  It's been my best profit month as a pro and it's only April the 18th!

Every time something has gone incredibly wrong in my life a new door has opened.  Maybe the new door this time will be focusing 100% on live poker.  It shouldn't hurt my net profit at all, if anything online was bringing that down in the short-term.  Maybe it will be good to focus on one format (live poker) for a month+ straight.  It should be interesting to see how the live games change.  You would have to assume an influx of former online pros will now be playing at brick and mortar casinos.  They certainly won't be lining up for 9-5 jobs.

Man how life has changed in a week.

-bag