I've been in China for over a month now. Been crashing on high stakes out here. October was the first net losing month on the tables I've had in 11 months. 12th month is not a charm. I haven't given up for several reasons but it's gotten pretty bad. I'll probably end up returning home with just over 40k to grind 5/10. So I saved my run bad for the biggest games I've ever played.
I'm trying to not let poker ruin this trip for me. I love China. Much of my reasoning for extending the trip so long hand nothing to do with poker. I'm having a lot of fun when I'm not losing on the tables. It's been a great experience. The girls and city are amazing.
What has happened with poker out here has left a very bitter taste in my mouth. Bitter to a point where I don't know how much longer I can actually play live poker for a living. I said I'd give it three years, so that means I have about 11 more months "mandatory". When I get home I definitely need to take a break and seriously look at things going forward. I've given a lot of my life to the game and don't feel like I have enough to show for it. Then I run horribly in the worst possible situation for over a month. It's been a complete nightmare. And I realize I'm the fucking idiot. I'm playing a game that has horrendous short term luck for a living, and expecting average results when I go on the most important trip of my life. Of course everything goes to shit. I've never hated the game this much.
-bag