I played a 4-hour session Tuesday. I ended in a small profit, basically break-even. Again a horrific suck-out screwed up the profit that should have been (KK<QQ all in pre as an opponent nails a QUEEN on the river). The typical Stars session. However, every-day that I don't play I still do some sort of poker related research or study. Last week I played over 40 hours and had a substantial loss. When you run that badly it can really mess with your psychology. Sometimes it’s good to step back and regroup. Giving up is not an option to me. This current dip online is going to eventually turn, or it's going to spiral down to a point where it destroys me.
I started off short-stacking because I realized it was a great way to clear a particular bonus. From there I was hooked. It worked out and I instantly saw some benefits to utilizing the strategy. Also, I could play the stakes of my choice with my smaller bankroll. However, I didn’t realize that the strategy already had such a following. There are waves of drone short stackers all over the poker sites. Though I suppose there are always going to be more non-short stackers on the tables. I feel like I somewhat missed the golden-age of short-stacking, which is unfortunate. But I still feel I have what it takes to be profitable in this format.
And for some goals/updates:
Short-Term Goals:
S-1) Continue Playing and Improving.
I want to continue putting in the volume. By the end of Sunday I’m aiming for more than 20 hours of play. Also I need to continue reviewing all of my hands and sessions.
S-2) Utilize Hold Em Manager.
This week I installed Hold Em Manger. I just purchased the full-version, even know I'm not 100% familiar with the software yet. I have already got the basics down. I thought it was annoying and distracting at first, but it takes some getting used to. From looking around it seems like every single semi-serious online poker player has this installed. I feel like I’m at a disadvantage not having it. I was probably the only Platinum Star player on Poker Stars without an active HUD while I play. I have mixed feelings on using an HUD. I’ve also read some articles that raise very good points on why you shouldn’t rely on HUDs to much. It seems like it would benefit people playing 6+ tables the most. I may start off playing without the HUD, and just using HE Manager to analyze my personal stats. It’s a shame online poker has come to this. Where you feel like you have to buy $100 software to not be at a disadvantage. It’s quite disgusting in some ways. And it’s only going to get worse. This is another advantage to being more of a live player.
Long Term:
L-1) Become a Consistent Profitable Online Player
This is going to be a hell of a battle; especially with the way I have been running online. Things just have to turn around if I keep putting in the volume and research. And I have to keep my confidence level up through the down-swings. I need to be able to earn a consistent profit playing online. It is my ticket to a smooth transition out of corporate.
L-2) Quit my 9-5 Job.
My contract is up at the end of April. However, it’s over 95% likely that my contract will be renewed for another 5-6 months. This has happened at least 4 times since I started working here. Well this time around I am really hoping they just LET ME GO. This way I can at least collect unemployment a month or two during a transition period. It would actually be in my best interest to do AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, so they let me go at the end of April. However, if they do renew my contract (which they will), I need to quit. My birthday is in May. I want to give myself the ultimate birthday present; taking the necessary step to get myself out of this situation. My corporate tale is coming to an end.
It would be a disgrace to give another summer of my mid-twenties to this horrible dead-end place. I want freedom. I want NATURAL SUNLIGHT. I want to enjoy my life again. Is it unfair to ask for these sort of things? Hopefully I can get online poker to a point where I can make income during a transition period. Even if I was only making +$1000 online the first month it would be enough to live off of (while living at my parents). This way I can immediately be making money when I quit. I won’t feel pressured to immediately move to Vegas. Maybe I can at least enjoy the summer months, while grinding up a steady bankroll online. This would be my ideal situation. Then I could live anywhere in the world and not need to settle for a terrible part-time job.
This is going to be a hell of a long road ahead to get myself in this position. However, I have three long months to do it. I plan to go away the first weekend of March. Every other weekend I want to be playing poker online 20+ hours. I am entering the ultimate grind, but it is the only way out. The only way I can save myself.
L-3) Don't Get Distracted
This especially refers to girls. At this point in my life nothing good will come out of it. I found out recently that the girl from N.Y has a boyfriend now. This is my typical sort of luck. So I guess I will just get my brother to get my ring back from her. Apparently the bitch got a boyfriend a week or two after I left. Ok it's not really fair to talk like that, but yes I was absolutely disappointed and pissed off. But I think she's a really cool girl, and I do want her to be happy. I'm going to be mature and I hope it works out for her. It's certainly more then I can give her. I mean should I really be surprised here? She's a really cute girl living in Manhattan, surrounded by millions of single guys. Obviously I'm not that special. I'm a baglife mother fucker who wants to play poker for a living, but can't even put together a winning session online. Besides, it would have ended up being a huge distraction and waste of time. It was destined to end in certain disappointment when it all came crashing down. It's not like this girl owed me anything. I do have to give her credit though. She did an amazing job of acting like I actually meant something. Even a week after texing "Come back soon!". Yeah that was fucking cute thanks. Sure let's meet up! We can have a three-some with your BOY-FRIEND included? I'm sure everyone will have an amazing time!
I always had a tough time dealing with how emotions can end up meaning nothing to most people. I just have to move on and get over it. I probably will in a week or so, just not completely. I should be used to getting "screwed over" by girls at this point. Though she didn't technically do anything wrong, I still feel screwed over in a way. Well she probably shouldn't have agreed to borrow my ring. That was a little fucked up; but still. As long as I get it back whatever.
I had a feeling she was in "find boy-friend mode", I thought I picked it up by the way she was talking and acting. I assumed she would get a boy-friend in the next half-year, but I didn't think it would be so soon. This upset me some, and it was disappointing in a way. However, it has provided me some sense of closure. It certainly explained why she became distant so quickly.
So much for no strings attached sex with a cute girl who lives in one of the coolest cities to visit in the world. I'm still pretty sure if I happened to be visiting the city I could still hook up with her. But whatever it doesn't matter dropping it dropping it DROPPING IT. I'm done talking about this shit. Or typing about it whatever.
Weekly Thoughts:
In response I went out last night and drank enough booze to kill a small elephant. I also needed to just go out a night and have fun. Combined with the lack of sleep I'm suprised I even showed up today. It was the first time I went out in 2 weeks. I decided if I feel the need to go out once every week or two; it's better to go out on a weeknight. This way I screw up my work schedule, but not my weekend time (which is used to play poker). I feel miserable and hung-over at the moment. This upcoming weekend I'm not really planning on going out. I want to play online over 20 hours.
It's tough because I feel like I'm basically working 75+ hours a week. My job (including commute) is basically 50 hours wasted. And I take poker as seriously as a job, even know it would be more enjoyable if I could have a session that actually ran good.
That's about all I have for today. I will keep updating with sessions, there will be a few this weekend. I also need to make another $600 deposit to feel comfortable. Various sources have stated that 40 buy-ins should be plenty to short-stack full ring games. But whoever gave that advice has obviously never ran as bad as me. I have 37.5 buy-ins online right now. A deposit will get me to around 52 buy-ins.
-bag