(IT'S A BLEEDING EYE CLOUD- REPRESENTING MY BANKROLL. PRETTY MUCH ALL I COULD FIND THANKS!)
Just finished up playing 7.5 hours today. I stopped 30 minutes short because I was that disgusted. Dropped close to $400 (8 buy-ins) during that time span. I felt like I played good, I just can't catch a break right now. I've never felt so powerless and disgusted with the way online is going. Since I've gone to full buy-in I've ran $1600 under EV in 120k hands. I don't understand how people play and run anywhere close to normal, it's never happened to me so far. Pros can play millions of hands firing up 20 tables at once, and I can't run 4-8 tables without avoiding complete fucking disaster. Let's look at the biggest hands today for example (Oh also -$300 in EV again great thanks). I'll just list the amount I lost on each, rather than the pot-size:
1) KK < AA all in pre (-$50)
2) KK < AA all in pre (-$50)
3) KK < AQ all in turn/river (-$50). I flop a nut set on a T, K, 3 board. Turn: 2, River J. I bet the entire way, every fucking street and he hits the 4 outer straight on the river.
4) AK < AA all in pre (-$50). Here we have a 50/25/20 player. He limp re-raises me and I push $50 all in. It's an easy range play to make. There is no way in fucking hell I can not shove AK here. So of course he hits the top 1% of his bat-shit psycho range. This is where I gave up tonight I believe.
5) QQ < AA all in pre (-$30). Opponent was nearly short-stacked, no choice here.
6) 88 < QTs. (-$50). I set mine a 50/47/20 and he turns the flush on me.
7) Let's add - $100 lost to coinflips minimum
I don't see how I can play 1-8 any differently. I can't catch a break right now. My last $1500 bonus has been hammered by this downswing. I have about 115 buy-ins online, and I have no confidence in my ability to run like an average human being for once in my life. I've never experienced it, I have no idea what that even means. So here I sit absolutely mind-fucked and glad the online week is over at least. I'm only 20% to the next bonus and I feel like this is going to be a rough stretch. Not that I'm playing bad, it's just not happening right now. It might never happen for me online.
The only positive is I'm up about $3700 since playing full buy-in. But that's with a ton of bonuses. If it wasn't for the bonuses I'd be down -$850 running -$1600 EV so far. My goal right now has to be to let the bonuses make up my profit, until I can find a way to run normal. All the while improving my game as much as possible. I'm not drawing any money out of the online bankroll until things clear up (if ever) and I have no need too. All of my rent and living expenses have come from playing live the first three months.
So bad post, but that's about it right now. I'm disgusted and fed up I know part of the problem is the 20-50 BB tables, but they tend to have the most action so choose a majority of those tables for battle. I'm sure after I get the shit kicked out of me a few more months I'll change up the game online, sort of hard at this point though. Deep down I still somehow have hope somewhere that things will go smoother in the future.
The next two days I will be putting a lot of volume in live before the holidays. I have to put in the volume Wednesday and Thursday. Then I'm off for Christmas. Then friends visit the next week for New Years so I'm sure volume will be restricted. I'm not going to let tonight ruin my holidays, there is no point stressing out about running like absolute shit. I have a lot of work to do next year, but I still have my freedom, financial security, and holidays to look forward to.
Oh I did go on that date I mentioned in my last post. She was nice, but I really don't see it working out. I just wasn't attracted to her enough. Decent looking girl, just not someone I would waste the time to date. I will say for basically a blind date it surpassed my expectations, but who cares. Ok that's all for now. Cheers, Merry XMAS if I don't post again before then. I might update on my two live nights.
-bag