Just finished for tonight. Thank God this fucking week is over online. Another -$300 the last 4 hours of play, -$300 in EV the usual. I feel like I'm somehow playing some of my best poker right now, but nothing can go my way. Finishing down over 12 buy-ins this week is demoralizing and disgusting. Though looking at the way the sessions went yes it does sound about right. I can think of 2 pots off the top of my head where I lost -$200 where I was in with 95%+ equity. That would have been only down 8 buy-ins right there and at maybe I could sleep in somewhat peace. Oh here's the EV during my 7 sessions this week combined:
13,700 hands, -$570 EV
It doesn't tell the entire story obviously, but it gives a general idea of the misery I suppose without going on 5 pages about bad beats, regulars catching the mortal nuts every hand they play, and fish catching the top 1% of their ranges BUT ONLY WHEN THERE IN WITH ME. LOL!
So I finished by first 100,000 k hands of full buy in DOWN thanks to this week. In 105,000 hands down -$187, -$800 in EV.
Online Going Forward
I guess it isn't a code red situation yet. I'd classify it more like a code orange in my mind. Yeah it's stressful as hell, but I still feel I'm improving and getting better each week (despite the actual net profit/loss results).
I'm not actually depending on making money online right to support myself. I knew my skill level going into the online grind and approached the situation as touchy and experimental. In the 200 hours logged I've been around break even (ok down close to 4 buy-ins). With the bonuses I've still banked a few grand. This obviously isn't good enough. I need to keep fighting to become a solid consistent winner. Being on life support by a poker websites bonuses was obviously not my goal going into this.
However, ok I only have 100k hands logged. Some of the biggest low-stakes winners in the world go through break even stretches lasting 100k hands. Really there isn't enough data to say if I'm even a winner or loser right now. Though the 100k hands suggest slight winner factoring in EV which is most likely the case.
On the bright side, by mid next week I will have enough FPPs to begin clearing another $1500 bonus. I'll probably be forced to take the bonus. My online roll is just over $5000 right now (100 buy-ins). I want to have 100 buy-ins minimum the way things are going right now. I wanted to use the FPPs to enter a few Sunday Million tournaments, but I think taking the sure cash is the right way to go during this time. Maybe if things ever stabalize I can begin putting some of the FPPs towards a few tournament buy-ins. I really did want to get into some tournaments to mix things up, have fun, and take a few shots responsibly. I think tournaments are a great change of pace and have crazy profit potential.
This Week
So back to live tomorrow. Thursday, Friday, and Sunday are most likely live days for me. I'm taking a break Saturday and having some fun for my roommates birthday (really looking forward to), but that's about it. I've really been in a miserable slump with both live and online during the past month. Still not close to being stressed out with money or anything, but yeah it sucks. I also haven't felt great during the past week. You know that feeling in the back of your throat before you're about to catch a cold? Well I've felt like that for a few days, but no full blown cold. EITHER COME OR GO, It's like what is your deal? Anyways, looking forward to fighting back strong in December.
-bag